The Heart of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Eagles fly"'Tis not the Bard, but pretty good poetry anyway
16 total reviews
Comment from Ekim777
Lovely picture; I say this because a picture speaks a thousand words. What disturbs me about your poem is that too many words are redundant and they are adjectives; dead wood in every line. I must repeat that your adjectives are fillers and are not paying their dues. Only use the occasional adjective that makes a difference. We don't need to hear the obvious; 'distant' scenes; 'majestic' mountains etc. We want visual imagery not words. e.g. "The moon was a ghostly galleon, tossed upon stormy seas." The same of course applies to adjectives. We don't need. "swiftly springs. One image struck me;
"Lush fruited plains of prey." -Ekim777
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
   |
Lovely picture; I say this because a picture speaks a thousand words. What disturbs me about your poem is that too many words are redundant and they are adjectives; dead wood in every line. I must repeat that your adjectives are fillers and are not paying their dues. Only use the occasional adjective that makes a difference. We don't need to hear the obvious; 'distant' scenes; 'majestic' mountains etc. We want visual imagery not words. e.g. "The moon was a ghostly galleon, tossed upon stormy seas." The same of course applies to adjectives. We don't need. "swiftly springs. One image struck me;
"Lush fruited plains of prey." -Ekim777
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
-
Thanks for taking the time to read, I could tell that your comments were contemplated deeply prior to writing.
Comment from loibeth
Beautiful, clear description of an eagle looking for and catching his meal in an amazing setting of nature! It's like I've been there seeing the whole thing.
Distant scenes, majestic mountain slopes - beautiful first line; the "s" in "scenes" and "slopes" makes this line sounds so beautiful when read out loud. Lots of "s" sounds elsewhere, too. Nice!
Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
|
Beautiful, clear description of an eagle looking for and catching his meal in an amazing setting of nature! It's like I've been there seeing the whole thing.
Distant scenes, majestic mountain slopes - beautiful first line; the "s" in "scenes" and "slopes" makes this line sounds so beautiful when read out loud. Lots of "s" sounds elsewhere, too. Nice!
Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
-
I appreciate your comments and that you liked it. Thank you for the well wishes. :-)
Comment from DanielEkine
the presentation of this nonet is amazing
the artwork of this none is magnificent
great creative with the presentation of this poem
the diction is also very good and beautiful
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
 |
the presentation of this nonet is amazing
the artwork of this none is magnificent
great creative with the presentation of this poem
the diction is also very good and beautiful
Comment Written 19-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
-
Thank you DanielEkine for the wonderful review and the 'neon plus,' six stars is always an awesome treat.
Comment from Sagnik Das
The best thing I deem admiring here
Is your use of imagery
To highlight to great effect
Your lofty theme - predation ;
Wish I had a "six" -
Ah ! - this is great !
What a poem !
Sublime ;
New ...
Hey watch, Carolyn, my very first tryst with your esteemed "Nonet Sequence" - that too, in a review !! - Heavens ! - I must've gotten insane ! - BRAVO ; BRAVO !!
:)
PS ~ Rest assured, Lady, you have my vote !...
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
|
The best thing I deem admiring here
Is your use of imagery
To highlight to great effect
Your lofty theme - predation ;
Wish I had a "six" -
Ah ! - this is great !
What a poem !
Sublime ;
New ...
Hey watch, Carolyn, my very first tryst with your esteemed "Nonet Sequence" - that too, in a review !! - Heavens ! - I must've gotten insane ! - BRAVO ; BRAVO !!
:)
PS ~ Rest assured, Lady, you have my vote !...
Comment Written 19-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
-
Since this is a blind contest, I can not reveal my identity :-)
Your nonnet is superb. Your poetry reviews are quite unique. Have a great day.
-
Yes, Carolyn, I'll see you at the booths. A very good night to you too, my friend ....
:)
-
Didn't win but I flew! :-)
Comment from barkingdog
I can see the eagle in his habitat ready to strike.
Your Nonet is beautifully written with impressive alliteration( majestic mountain; plains of prey) and 's' consonance through out.
On the line 'shrill scream exhales', it wouldn't change your syllable to add an 's': 'shrill screams exhale' or 'shrill scream exhales'.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
|
I can see the eagle in his habitat ready to strike.
Your Nonet is beautifully written with impressive alliteration( majestic mountain; plains of prey) and 's' consonance through out.
On the line 'shrill scream exhales', it wouldn't change your syllable to add an 's': 'shrill screams exhale' or 'shrill scream exhales'.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
-
Thanks for the suggestions. I am delighted you liked this one.
Comment from patsolstad
It is so neat (and difficult) to make a nonet turn out so well visually. The inverted diamond shape has always been difficult for me to achieve. And you've been able to do it perfectly. Excellent work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
|
It is so neat (and difficult) to make a nonet turn out so well visually. The inverted diamond shape has always been difficult for me to achieve. And you've been able to do it perfectly. Excellent work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2013
-
Thank you so very much, that 'center the text' option works beautifully for this type of poem. :-)