Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "POHA MOON, PT. 1"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
Hi Bev! What a tale!! The hand on her shoulder is the best! A really great climax! I watch movies like this a lot and your chapter is spot on in keeping with thrilling horror. VERY nice job!! I love Scary!! :) xoxo! Susan
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi Bev! What a tale!! The hand on her shoulder is the best! A really great climax! I watch movies like this a lot and your chapter is spot on in keeping with thrilling horror. VERY nice job!! I love Scary!! :) xoxo! Susan
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi, Susan. Thanks for reading. So glad you enjoyed. I watch every paranormal show I can get on my TV! I think some of that is rubbing off. I really appreciate you taking time to read and review so generously. You rock!! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Gideon Roth
Wow, what a great piece of writing. This is my kind of story and it was a perfect read as I prepare to finish chapter four of The Midnight Crow. Your descriptive language in this piece was very well done. The excellent narrative and the natural sounding dialogue made for a flawlessly written chapter that was a great addition to the book. Once again, well done. I hope to catch your next post as this story continues to develop...Gideon
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Wow, what a great piece of writing. This is my kind of story and it was a perfect read as I prepare to finish chapter four of The Midnight Crow. Your descriptive language in this piece was very well done. The excellent narrative and the natural sounding dialogue made for a flawlessly written chapter that was a great addition to the book. Once again, well done. I hope to catch your next post as this story continues to develop...Gideon
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi, Gideon. What a generous and supportive review! I can't thank you enough for taking time to read my chapter and offer your personal insights. I love knowing how other writers, especially those in a similar genre, see the story and possibilities. I will definitely catch your next chapter, my friend. Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from Connie C
Oh, Bev, I love how spooky this is! Caroline Findley seems like a very brave woman at first to yell at the ghost and tell it to get out. But then who could blame her for the "hysterical scream" at the end when she feels the hand clamping down and throwing her sideways. You make such powerful use of description here, both of the room and of Caroline. The suspense and horror in this novel of yours is sure to be a winner should you wish to have this published. Connie
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Oh, Bev, I love how spooky this is! Caroline Findley seems like a very brave woman at first to yell at the ghost and tell it to get out. But then who could blame her for the "hysterical scream" at the end when she feels the hand clamping down and throwing her sideways. You make such powerful use of description here, both of the room and of Caroline. The suspense and horror in this novel of yours is sure to be a winner should you wish to have this published. Connie
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi, Connie. Thank you, dear lady, for your truly heartening words and generosity. I am especially grateful that you have chosen to keep following my story. You are such a dear! Love ya, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Oh oh what have we now. Ghosts in the house? Will she be okay trapped there? Oh sigh, something grabbed her shoulder just before the light went out!!!!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Oh oh what have we now. Ghosts in the house? Will she be okay trapped there? Oh sigh, something grabbed her shoulder just before the light went out!!!!
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi, Gungalo. Thanks for stopping by. Always good to hear from you! Bev
Comment from Val Crisson
OOHHHH! Chilling and I'm so glad it wasn't presented in England. Very haunting and a very creative and imaginitive write (so far) on a haunted priest's house.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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OOHHHH! Chilling and I'm so glad it wasn't presented in England. Very haunting and a very creative and imaginitive write (so far) on a haunted priest's house.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, Val. I really appreciate your wonderfully generous and supportive review! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
I've been sleeping for an entire day. I read this chapter when you first posted it and didn't want to short change the review on such an impressive piece of work.
Your first paragraph alone is amazing. I see Caroline and feel the weather immediately.
Who but you would think of using one of those plastic rain caps to add sound to the scene? Besides it embellishes your character. It makes me see an older person. Poor thing with knees 'morphed into footballs.' Now, I FEEL her pain and yet she continues in her duties. And another bodily insult--the gust of wind.(strong verb--not just wind but a 'gust.') And she 'shrank deeper' (another wonderful description) into her coat and dropped her head like a bull ready to charge.' (strong determined character.)
After this intensity, you made me laugh with the comment about moving to FL. LOL (still giggling)
But she is too poor to have her wish of a warmer climate.
I like the way the door is swelled with the weather, much as Caroline's poor knees.
The use of her thoughts as the scene progress is excellent.
So far all she's done is fight the morning. The tension keeps rising. Everything she tries to do is difficult. (She's just like anyone of us--she has Oreo's.) I smile again and join her in her battle with the door. Actually, she's wrestling with the door. Fantastic verb choice. It's more of an interactive verb than pulling which would have made the door inactive.
Then the steel-hearted Helmsman takes on the ghost.
You add to our fear for her with the terrified dog and the cold kitchen. She ignores Alyx and rationalizes the cold, ignoring the ghost. Even the cord's movement doesn't alert her. I'm ready to yell, look out when you shatter the bulb and slam the door, trapping her in the closet!! Perfectly paced. I was watching her gather her work tools. Then bam!
Such a final contrast: Father Brian, suspecting to simply enter a quiet house and greet his housekeeper instead hears 'spine-jarring, hysterical screams...' Again, I love 'spine-jarring'. It's a word I can feel. Gave me chills. I swear,I saw him grip his umbrella and back up. LOL
This is so perfect, Bev. I hope they put it in a BOM contest. It's flawless.
The frickin' site is holding my stars back from you. Last week I had to let a star die. No one to give it to. This deserves a six or several. I'd rather let another one die than give it to something less deserving that this!!!!
Take care.
Hugs,
e
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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I've been sleeping for an entire day. I read this chapter when you first posted it and didn't want to short change the review on such an impressive piece of work.
Your first paragraph alone is amazing. I see Caroline and feel the weather immediately.
Who but you would think of using one of those plastic rain caps to add sound to the scene? Besides it embellishes your character. It makes me see an older person. Poor thing with knees 'morphed into footballs.' Now, I FEEL her pain and yet she continues in her duties. And another bodily insult--the gust of wind.(strong verb--not just wind but a 'gust.') And she 'shrank deeper' (another wonderful description) into her coat and dropped her head like a bull ready to charge.' (strong determined character.)
After this intensity, you made me laugh with the comment about moving to FL. LOL (still giggling)
But she is too poor to have her wish of a warmer climate.
I like the way the door is swelled with the weather, much as Caroline's poor knees.
The use of her thoughts as the scene progress is excellent.
So far all she's done is fight the morning. The tension keeps rising. Everything she tries to do is difficult. (She's just like anyone of us--she has Oreo's.) I smile again and join her in her battle with the door. Actually, she's wrestling with the door. Fantastic verb choice. It's more of an interactive verb than pulling which would have made the door inactive.
Then the steel-hearted Helmsman takes on the ghost.
You add to our fear for her with the terrified dog and the cold kitchen. She ignores Alyx and rationalizes the cold, ignoring the ghost. Even the cord's movement doesn't alert her. I'm ready to yell, look out when you shatter the bulb and slam the door, trapping her in the closet!! Perfectly paced. I was watching her gather her work tools. Then bam!
Such a final contrast: Father Brian, suspecting to simply enter a quiet house and greet his housekeeper instead hears 'spine-jarring, hysterical screams...' Again, I love 'spine-jarring'. It's a word I can feel. Gave me chills. I swear,I saw him grip his umbrella and back up. LOL
This is so perfect, Bev. I hope they put it in a BOM contest. It's flawless.
The frickin' site is holding my stars back from you. Last week I had to let a star die. No one to give it to. This deserves a six or several. I'd rather let another one die than give it to something less deserving that this!!!!
Take care.
Hugs,
e
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Ellen, thank you so much for this truly awesome review. Priests seem to get some quirky character to work for them. So, I had to include that in her personality. Plus, I once had a British veteran soldier tell me that the Welsh were the most fierce fighters in their army. They did not know when to stop and you could always count on them getting into brawls with bigger guys. I thought that was interesting.
Thanks so very much for the virtual six, Ellen. Coming from a an extraordinarily gifted descriptive writer, I am truly honored.
Hugs, Bev
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All I've done today in review is apologize to people for not being able to release a six. So I went to Metaphorical Mark who reviewed this chapter to do a reciprocal review and found a poem deserving. Yippee. One six was released.
I do love Caroline. Now, I'm anxious to see what's happening in the pantry.:)
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Yes, I sometimes give a six based on whether I think, after reading a person's work for a long time, if what they've posted isn't exceptional for them. I feel I've encouraged them and not wasted a six, in my mind. Just me.
Xxx Bev
Comment from kleck140
Best writing I have read in a while. Sure kept
my interest and the scary part, with the cliff
hanger at the end makes me want to read more.
Thanks for a great write.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Best writing I have read in a while. Sure kept
my interest and the scary part, with the cliff
hanger at the end makes me want to read more.
Thanks for a great write.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much! I'm honored that you have chosen to read and review my chapter. Hugs, Bev
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you are welcome!
Comment from donaldww
A spine-jarring scream of a woman in terror. Is it showdown with Satan time? She should be able to 'dust him off' with a few deft strokes of her mop!
As I read your poh-hahn word each instalment, I wonder if this ghost is got something to do with Indian mythology?
Great suspense unfolding!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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A spine-jarring scream of a woman in terror. Is it showdown with Satan time? She should be able to 'dust him off' with a few deft strokes of her mop!
As I read your poh-hahn word each instalment, I wonder if this ghost is got something to do with Indian mythology?
Great suspense unfolding!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 15-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012
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You may have just leaked a clue, Donald!! Just kidding, great idea, though. Thanks for the terrific review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Tina55
Wow, great descriptive opening. I'm feeling Caroline's pain.
Caroline faced the rectory door with determination. It hadn't been replaced in thirty years and every time the weather turned damp, it swelled. (Beautiful reference back to her knees.)
Hahaha- I love Caroline's feisty attitude. She must come from a Welshman...we all know how to 'throwdown' when we need to. LOL
Great, great post, Bev. Way to set up a tense scene and leave us biting our nails!! Have I mentioned I'm not a nail-biter and you are pushing me to a new extreme, here? LOL
Great work... keep it up, love!
Tina
:)
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Wow, great descriptive opening. I'm feeling Caroline's pain.
Caroline faced the rectory door with determination. It hadn't been replaced in thirty years and every time the weather turned damp, it swelled. (Beautiful reference back to her knees.)
Hahaha- I love Caroline's feisty attitude. She must come from a Welshman...we all know how to 'throwdown' when we need to. LOL
Great, great post, Bev. Way to set up a tense scene and leave us biting our nails!! Have I mentioned I'm not a nail-biter and you are pushing me to a new extreme, here? LOL
Great work... keep it up, love!
Tina
:)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Hiya, buddy. Thank you so much for this awesome review! I so appreciate all the time you took with your insights into the write. Always so helpful you are, my oh-so-talented friend. Love ya! Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
Alright Bev... I'm a timid woman and its too close to Halloween for this much scaring the willies!
The poor housekeeper will probably drop dead from fright.... or quit her job on the spot!
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Alright Bev... I'm a timid woman and its too close to Halloween for this much scaring the willies!
The poor housekeeper will probably drop dead from fright.... or quit her job on the spot!
Comment Written 15-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Hi, Sue. It's interesting that all this scary stuff is so close to Halloween. I really hadn't planned it that way LOL.
Thank you so much for your wonderful generosity, Sue. I am thrilled by your support and insights. Hugs, Bev
Hugs, Bev