Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A Blood-Red Moon "Murder Mystery
56 total reviews
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Nice work...lots of anxiety and plenty of mystery. I would be delighted to read much more of this kind of story. I like your reference to i yo ki ca'ska...I believe in that myself. If I were a detective I would haul that niece in for some questioning! You certainly earned your awards.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
  |
Nice work...lots of anxiety and plenty of mystery. I would be delighted to read much more of this kind of story. I like your reference to i yo ki ca'ska...I believe in that myself. If I were a detective I would haul that niece in for some questioning! You certainly earned your awards.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Hi, Sherry. Thank you so much for your great review. I really appreciate the support. Yes, the niece will be at the top of the list, nasty little number that she is. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Anisa-
Oh my goodness, I was so confused for awhile there!! Lol. I went back and re-read the first chapter and now it all makes sense again!
WoWoWoW!! Good job with this chapter. You really know how to build suspense and add just the right amount of foreshadowing. Great job.
This chapter was fantastic. Well worth six-stars in my book.
Anisa
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
 |
Oh my goodness, I was so confused for awhile there!! Lol. I went back and re-read the first chapter and now it all makes sense again!
WoWoWoW!! Good job with this chapter. You really know how to build suspense and add just the right amount of foreshadowing. Great job.
This chapter was fantastic. Well worth six-stars in my book.
Anisa
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Thank you so much, Anisa. I'm really honored by your fantastic and generous review. After reading murder mysteries and being Catholic for most of my fifty eight years, thought I'd write about something I kinda know LOL. Your support really means a lot to me. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Scornwell
I thought this was well written, I didn't notice any mistakes. You have developed a great amount of intrigue early in your story that will make people want to read on to see what happens. Your characters come across well and the dialog sounds natural and seems consistent with the characters.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
|
I thought this was well written, I didn't notice any mistakes. You have developed a great amount of intrigue early in your story that will make people want to read on to see what happens. Your characters come across well and the dialog sounds natural and seems consistent with the characters.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for your great review, Scornwell. I appreciate the time you took to read the chapter and offer your insights. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Lydia11
Great writing, oh lover of green! You definitely have everyone on their toes about this one: what did the killer say to the priest, what's the message, is the niece really involved? Reminds me of Father Dowling when I was a teen.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
|
Great writing, oh lover of green! You definitely have everyone on their toes about this one: what did the killer say to the priest, what's the message, is the niece really involved? Reminds me of Father Dowling when I was a teen.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Thanks so much, Lydia. I'm a fan of Agatha Christie and it always used to drive me crazy when she would put all those red herrings in her stories. But, it is an effective technique (hint).
Thanks a bunch for your great review. I appreciate the time you took to read it. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Nomar Chagrin
Well hey Bev. That opening paragraph really set the stage for the chapter. I could tell the tone would be a poignant one fron there on.
You do an excellent job of setting the stage for future relationship developments. Like between Darcy and Donna. That will be interesting. Nice foreshadowing at the end of this chapter wiht the mysterions killer. Builds interest very well.
"Finally, at age thirty-eight, Donna finally..." (a little repetition here. I'de consdier ditching one of the "finally's")
Anyway, it looks like you have a winner going here, Bev. keep up the momentum.
~ CJ
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
|
Well hey Bev. That opening paragraph really set the stage for the chapter. I could tell the tone would be a poignant one fron there on.
You do an excellent job of setting the stage for future relationship developments. Like between Darcy and Donna. That will be interesting. Nice foreshadowing at the end of this chapter wiht the mysterions killer. Builds interest very well.
"Finally, at age thirty-eight, Donna finally..." (a little repetition here. I'de consdier ditching one of the "finally's")
Anyway, it looks like you have a winner going here, Bev. keep up the momentum.
~ CJ
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Thanks for a great review, CJ. I've had some great suggestions from reviewers like yourself. The piece has actually changed quite a bit from what I first posted. That's what's so nice about this site. Much appreciate your time and interest. Bev
Comment from Gideon Roth
Good Afternoon, Janice. Well, another well written chapter that is moving this story down the road to success. Great job. You certainly have developed a talent for great story development. No spag to speak of and very entertaining. I did have one observation in one area of the story that I thought you may wish to take a look at. I have placed it below with my suggested alterations in () for your consideration. Great job on this and I look forward to your next submission...Tim
For months he carefully orchestrated the crime scene in his head. Like an artist exhibiting his paintings, he imagined with what awe his handiwork would be perceived.
(For months, he carefully orchestrated the crime scene in his head. Like an artist exhibiting his paintings, he imagined with what awe how others would perceived his handiwork.)
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
|
Good Afternoon, Janice. Well, another well written chapter that is moving this story down the road to success. Great job. You certainly have developed a talent for great story development. No spag to speak of and very entertaining. I did have one observation in one area of the story that I thought you may wish to take a look at. I have placed it below with my suggested alterations in () for your consideration. Great job on this and I look forward to your next submission...Tim
For months he carefully orchestrated the crime scene in his head. Like an artist exhibiting his paintings, he imagined with what awe his handiwork would be perceived.
(For months, he carefully orchestrated the crime scene in his head. Like an artist exhibiting his paintings, he imagined with what awe how others would perceived his handiwork.)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Hi, Tim. I felt there as something awkward in that sentence. I think your suggestion is an excellent one! Thanks for a great and helpful review. I appreciate your interest. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where a murderer is confessing his sins to a priest in the midst of doing it.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
|
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where a murderer is confessing his sins to a priest in the midst of doing it.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Thank you very much for your wonderful review, sweet. I appreciate it...Bev
Comment from Allison78
I think this is a wonderful chapter in your book. Very interesting and compelling. Very well written and it kept my attention to the very end, great job!
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
|
I think this is a wonderful chapter in your book. Very interesting and compelling. Very well written and it kept my attention to the very end, great job!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
-
Thank you, Allison78, for your wonderful review. I really appreciate the support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from joann r romei
This chapter has alot of suspense and tension, the characters are beleivable, i want to read more of your novel, Some sentences could use a bit of trimming.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
|
This chapter has alot of suspense and tension, the characters are beleivable, i want to read more of your novel, Some sentences could use a bit of trimming.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
-
Thanks, JR. I really appreciate your time and interest in my chapter. Thanks for sharing your insight - will keep that in mind as I work forward. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Janice65
This is a real 'Cliff Hanger' and I don't want to miss the next part. I was just a little confused just before the end of this, and I'm still not sure who the murderer is. Maybe I will get it figured out in the next section. Good job on this.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
|
This is a real 'Cliff Hanger' and I don't want to miss the next part. I was just a little confused just before the end of this, and I'm still not sure who the murderer is. Maybe I will get it figured out in the next section. Good job on this.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
-
Hi, Janice. Well, I've got to stretch this out a bit since I've got about twenty chapters left to go. But I can tell you that the mind of the killer will be more obvious as time goes on. Hope that helps keep you interested. I've thrown in a few red herrings, so that may be where it got a little murky. But you make a good point and I'll try to keep it mind in the next chapter that's coming out soon. Much appreciate your time and interest. Bev