Millie and Vicky want to fly.
What is Millie's idea?40 total reviews
Comment from mumsyone
Cute story in a poem, but a few of the commas stop the flow of your lines. Also, the first two lines of your last stanza stopped me cold, with no rhyme at all compared to the rest of your poem. If you make corrections, please let me know.
They took out the rope,(no comma) they had rolled up inside,
Now Millie and Vicky,(no comma) both wanted a go.
Able to fly from the hazel nut tree.(')
I must stop the swinging...I'll start walking,(no comma) a bit.'
'Oh, Cyril,' said Vicky, 'we should not have asked
You to push us so much, it must have been hard.'
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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Cute story in a poem, but a few of the commas stop the flow of your lines. Also, the first two lines of your last stanza stopped me cold, with no rhyme at all compared to the rest of your poem. If you make corrections, please let me know.
They took out the rope,(no comma) they had rolled up inside,
Now Millie and Vicky,(no comma) both wanted a go.
Able to fly from the hazel nut tree.(')
I must stop the swinging...I'll start walking,(no comma) a bit.'
'Oh, Cyril,' said Vicky, 'we should not have asked
You to push us so much, it must have been hard.'
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Thank you, mumsyone, I will go back and edit it now. thank you for your constructive review, you are what I need! Thank you. xsx
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This was a great children's poem/story.
I could see them loving this one. So bright is your descriptive imagery that the reader becomes part of the story.
Fascinating and though long I think it would be a great hit. My children always loved silly comical stories and most had an underlying moral teaching as we read the story.
I get the same kind of feeling when I read this. Excellent work and enjoyable to read.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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This was a great children's poem/story.
I could see them loving this one. So bright is your descriptive imagery that the reader becomes part of the story.
Fascinating and though long I think it would be a great hit. My children always loved silly comical stories and most had an underlying moral teaching as we read the story.
I get the same kind of feeling when I read this. Excellent work and enjoyable to read.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Maureen, for this encouraging review. I test my stories on my Grandchildren to see how they react, are they bored, or interested. Sometimes it depends on what they are doing. Thank you, again, I so appreciate your comments.xsx
Comment from Alan K Pease
This a lovely poem for my grandchildren and my own children to teach them to love these stories which are so important to their learning of the outside world and their world within it, The school system in California tried to discourage my mother from teaching me to read at an earlier age, but she ignored their advice. I really was ahead on my class. Now my room is full of books most read and as yet some unread ( at age 72 yrs). Now I am writing poetry and find that is a great place to put my creativity. My best best to you and your own creativity. Regards Alan
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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This a lovely poem for my grandchildren and my own children to teach them to love these stories which are so important to their learning of the outside world and their world within it, The school system in California tried to discourage my mother from teaching me to read at an earlier age, but she ignored their advice. I really was ahead on my class. Now my room is full of books most read and as yet some unread ( at age 72 yrs). Now I am writing poetry and find that is a great place to put my creativity. My best best to you and your own creativity. Regards Alan
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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thank you, alan, for your lovely review. It is strange the way schools try to stop different things. I am left handed, and my teacher kept making me hold my pencil in my right hand. My mother complained a lot, and in the end I was allowed to use my left. I love to read, so you were equally lucky to have a mother who carried on regardless. Thank you again for this lovely review. xsx
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a child's enjoyment in mind. It has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. It is good the animals learned to play together.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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This is very well written with a child's enjoyment in mind. It has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. It is good the animals learned to play together.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Thank you, c_lucas, for this lovely review, and great comments! xsx
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You're welcome, Sandra. Charlie. Charlie
Comment from Frankeddy
Lovely rhyming poem.
The sincerity of your writing bursts from the poem and felt like I was there.
Poem flows smoothly along with your gift for rhyming.
Nice appropriate accompanying drawing.
Presented in a bright and colorful setting.
Well done. Frankeddy
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Lovely rhyming poem.
The sincerity of your writing bursts from the poem and felt like I was there.
Poem flows smoothly along with your gift for rhyming.
Nice appropriate accompanying drawing.
Presented in a bright and colorful setting.
Well done. Frankeddy
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Thank you Frankeddy, so much. Such a lovely thoughful review! I really appreciate your comments. Thank you. xsx
Comment from alexisleech
As usual, a delightful piece of perfectly rhyming to bring a smile to the face. Love the name Cyril the squirrel! I swear this could be read to 'rap' music! Alexis x
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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As usual, a delightful piece of perfectly rhyming to bring a smile to the face. Love the name Cyril the squirrel! I swear this could be read to 'rap' music! Alexis x
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Thank you, Alexis! I would be interested to listen to that! Thank you for the lovely review! xsx
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Sandra Mitchell
I'm pleased I stopped by and read a chapter from your children's book
Fun to read especially with the catchy rhyming a sure way to keep a child's attention.
Gert
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Hello Sandra Mitchell
I'm pleased I stopped by and read a chapter from your children's book
Fun to read especially with the catchy rhyming a sure way to keep a child's attention.
Gert
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Thank you, Gert! I glad you liked it, and appreciate your review, thank you! xsx
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You are welcome
Gert
Comment from rightforyou
Sweet
I enjoyed reading this wonderful poem and the message that you have sent, making this a pleasure to read and review...I Would recommend this poem for others to read and review as well...Ron
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Sweet
I enjoyed reading this wonderful poem and the message that you have sent, making this a pleasure to read and review...I Would recommend this poem for others to read and review as well...Ron
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much Ron, that is so nice of you! Thank you! xsx Sandra.
Comment from Chris Tee
Wow!! Sandra this is absolutely stunning work for kiddies that you have composed here old sport. It was a pleasure to read and review this splendid work.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Wow!! Sandra this is absolutely stunning work for kiddies that you have composed here old sport. It was a pleasure to read and review this splendid work.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Chris! I always value your reviews. Thank you! xsx
Comment from percival86jack
What a delightful little kiddie story. Particularly like the names you've chosen for the main characters... Millie the Mole and Vicky the Vole! Us adult kiddies love it too! Hugs, Jack xxxxxxx
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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What a delightful little kiddie story. Particularly like the names you've chosen for the main characters... Millie the Mole and Vicky the Vole! Us adult kiddies love it too! Hugs, Jack xxxxxxx
Comment Written 23-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2012
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Thank you, Jack, I think we are more like children, than the children!! Thank you for this lovely review. xsx