Straight Arrow
Fiction37 total reviews
Comment from DearlB
A great story in so few words.
I found no spag problems.
I some how got the feeling the mother hadn't been a straight arrow, but was this time.
best of luck,
Dearl
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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A great story in so few words.
I found no spag problems.
I some how got the feeling the mother hadn't been a straight arrow, but was this time.
best of luck,
Dearl
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Yes... you are very perceptive, but with such a small word limit, it is impossible to develop much of anything. This was SO hard to do. Thank you for your kind comments.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, good flow great words with the storyline and word content being straight on. i wish you the best of luck in the contest. great words, good job
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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this is very well written, good flow great words with the storyline and word content being straight on. i wish you the best of luck in the contest. great words, good job
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for this great review and all the kind comments. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from WRITER1
This is a very good story. I love the fact that the little girl thought her mommy was going to meet some stranger. And it was daddy.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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This is a very good story. I love the fact that the little girl thought her mommy was going to meet some stranger. And it was daddy.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thanks for the comments. I'm glad you liked the little story.
Comment from mbarkersimpson
Hi
Well done on sticking to the word count, I think you did a fantastic job. It had everything in there a good story should have; anticipation, sorrow, tension and a happy ending :) I found it to be well written and enjoyed it very much.
Kind regards
Mel
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Hi
Well done on sticking to the word count, I think you did a fantastic job. It had everything in there a good story should have; anticipation, sorrow, tension and a happy ending :) I found it to be well written and enjoyed it very much.
Kind regards
Mel
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for your terrific review and kind comments. I'm immensely pleased that you liked it.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I did think it a little strange that a child would assume that her mother was meeting someone else, unless she had observed such behaviour before.
I like her joyful reaction to her father's return.
Juliette
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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I did think it a little strange that a child would assume that her mother was meeting someone else, unless she had observed such behaviour before.
I like her joyful reaction to her father's return.
Juliette
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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I assumed she thought it was someone else because her dad was in Afghanistan. :^) Her mother wanted to surprise her. In the longer version, there were reasons for her suspicions, but I had to cut out everything!! It was very painful.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A good piece of descriptive writing,
and with a happy ending - oh, I do
like a happy ending - thank you, for that.
In her black dress, (with) hair caught
behind the scent of gardenias..
.......the fragrance of
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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A good piece of descriptive writing,
and with a happy ending - oh, I do
like a happy ending - thank you, for that.
In her black dress, (with) hair caught
behind the scent of gardenias..
.......the fragrance of
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for these wonderful suggestions, and for the kind review. I will see to the corrections immediately.
Comment from adewpearl
How lovely that her mother was off to meet her dad and to bring him home to surprise her - you had me so sure she was a cheating bitch. LOL I love the twist ending in this truly poignant story, and I like the way you've incorporated all the contest challenge words smoothly. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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How lovely that her mother was off to meet her dad and to bring him home to surprise her - you had me so sure she was a cheating bitch. LOL I love the twist ending in this truly poignant story, and I like the way you've incorporated all the contest challenge words smoothly. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for your uplifting review. You give me great encouragement to keep trying... even though it can be the most difficult challenge.
Comment from JROSE
oh my god! i absolutely loved,loved that. the ending was so unexpected but was also gratifying. it was so sad during the beginning that the end just was extra good. it was short but took me through a lot. i really liked that. and how you fit those words in with ease (so it seemed). thank you so much for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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oh my god! i absolutely loved,loved that. the ending was so unexpected but was also gratifying. it was so sad during the beginning that the end just was extra good. it was short but took me through a lot. i really liked that. and how you fit those words in with ease (so it seemed). thank you so much for sharing. :)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your great review. I'm so glad you liked the story. For me, the most difficult part was telling the tale without going over the word limit. I wanted more words!
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lol im really amazed how you did that. i have been writing since sixth grade and im still trying. hey why dont you email me either here or at monkeybooty14@yahoo.com thanx JRose
Comment from Agrona
First I got the impression that the mom was going out often, meeting strange men. I'm glad that I was wrong and she went to bring home Daddy. lol
Great story! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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First I got the impression that the mom was going out often, meeting strange men. I'm glad that I was wrong and she went to bring home Daddy. lol
Great story! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you for the great comments. I'm glad you liked the story.
Comment from abeetle
This is so darling. The way you describe the sounds and smells is so realistic! It's as if I'm there as well. The picture is perfect with this story!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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This is so darling. The way you describe the sounds and smells is so realistic! It's as if I'm there as well. The picture is perfect with this story!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you for the specific comments, abeetle. I'm glad your senses were involved. That's the whole idea. You're a great reviewer!
