Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Donnie"A woman is stalked by a fan
17 total reviews
Comment from ZigzagMLT
A great chapter. What a smooth transition from prison to this home... experiment. It is so very different than jail, but then similar in another way. Nathan still cannot leave.
A couple of things:
Pritchard had told Nathan
Stanley
shards of light
Thanks,
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
  |
A great chapter. What a smooth transition from prison to this home... experiment. It is so very different than jail, but then similar in another way. Nathan still cannot leave.
A couple of things:
Pritchard had told Nathan
Stanley
shards of light
Thanks,
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 27-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
-
Hey Zig,
Good catch there...chards? LOL. Will get the others, too. Thanks for the R&R!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from ZigzagMLT
A great chapter. What a smooth transition from prison to this home... experiment. It is so very different than jail, but then similar in another way. Nathan still cannot leave.
A couple of things:
Pritchard had told Nathan
Stanley
shards of light
Thanks,
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
|
A great chapter. What a smooth transition from prison to this home... experiment. It is so very different than jail, but then similar in another way. Nathan still cannot leave.
A couple of things:
Pritchard had told Nathan
Stanley
shards of light
Thanks,
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 27-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
-
Hey Zig,
Good catch there...chards? LOL. Will get the others, too. Thanks for the R&R!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Readywriter52
Nathan has come to the right place. He took an immediate liking to Donnie. If he really wants to straighten out his life, this is the right place. I don't think he wants to change. He has been a little inconvenienced by being sent to the institute, but he has no pressing reason to change.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
|
Nathan has come to the right place. He took an immediate liking to Donnie. If he really wants to straighten out his life, this is the right place. I don't think he wants to change. He has been a little inconvenienced by being sent to the institute, but he has no pressing reason to change.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
-
Hi Ready,
Thanks for the great R&R and your comments. You're most appreciated.
Gayle
Comment from joelh605
This is interesting - we see Nathan in a lot more detail, and with some surprising small revelations.
Keep writing!
:)
Joel
=-=-=
The hospital guards escorted Nathan to a waiting county transport vehicle and transferred his custody
wordy - "transferred him" or "transferred custody" - - or "handed him over"
set as it was in the middle of an acre of prime Beverly Hills real estate.
Huh? They were somewhere in the Del Mar / Escondido / Ramona area, and now a short climb takes them to Bev Hills? - I musta forgot they were in some more central LA County facility.
<:-p
I googled R. E. Lowell - you made him up! But then, common sense says you had to.
"Welcome, Mr. Stanly," he said, still smiling.
Misspelling on purpose? Is Donnie one of those "product of mass and IQ same as that of Woody Allen" people?
Nathan stared at Donnie a moment, then threw his head back and roared with laughter.
Out of character - is someone else helping out here?
A door at the bottom of the room
Nicely vertiginous - much better than "at the far end of the room"
We've already made a preliminary pairing; each of you has a personal therapist trained in DID.
So, Donnie is a trained therapist - from the way he immediately got into Nathan's space and made significant bodily contact, without ado or interview or get-acquainted, I'd never have thought so.
A woman Donnie laughingly referred to
Laughter again - a more assertive side to Nathan than we've seen before.
chards of light snaked downward and set them aflame.
shards - typo (I googled chards to be sure: leafy things only.)
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
|
This is interesting - we see Nathan in a lot more detail, and with some surprising small revelations.
Keep writing!
:)
Joel
=-=-=
The hospital guards escorted Nathan to a waiting county transport vehicle and transferred his custody
wordy - "transferred him" or "transferred custody" - - or "handed him over"
set as it was in the middle of an acre of prime Beverly Hills real estate.
Huh? They were somewhere in the Del Mar / Escondido / Ramona area, and now a short climb takes them to Bev Hills? - I musta forgot they were in some more central LA County facility.
<:-p
I googled R. E. Lowell - you made him up! But then, common sense says you had to.
"Welcome, Mr. Stanly," he said, still smiling.
Misspelling on purpose? Is Donnie one of those "product of mass and IQ same as that of Woody Allen" people?
Nathan stared at Donnie a moment, then threw his head back and roared with laughter.
Out of character - is someone else helping out here?
A door at the bottom of the room
Nicely vertiginous - much better than "at the far end of the room"
We've already made a preliminary pairing; each of you has a personal therapist trained in DID.
So, Donnie is a trained therapist - from the way he immediately got into Nathan's space and made significant bodily contact, without ado or interview or get-acquainted, I'd never have thought so.
A woman Donnie laughingly referred to
Laughter again - a more assertive side to Nathan than we've seen before.
chards of light snaked downward and set them aflame.
shards - typo (I googled chards to be sure: leafy things only.)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
-
Hey Joel,
Oh, boy, lots of questions. Okay, Nathan first went to Parker Center in LA, kinda almost downtown. He met Pritchard there and was selected to join in this program. Now, Nathan had Cathy in a cabin above Escondido. Deep sigh, does that stretch the suspension of disbelief beyond bounds? I sure can change the location of the cabin, nearer to LA. I'll be doing another complete edit once this goes through FS, so it's not too late to make suggestions!
Now Donnie was picked to be Nathan's partner because he's so friendly. The hope is that he can get Nathan to trust him and finally crack whatever hold the alters have on Nathan. OY! The reason Nathan laughed was that he realized he'd traded the restraint of the handcuffs for the restraint that huge hand could implement if required.
Shards! Good grief, of course; salad on my mind! Grins. Oh, thank you so much for the help and input.
Thanks!
Gayle
-
Re Ramona / Escondido - just put the cabin somewhere in Los Angeles County, e.g. the Angeles National Forest? L.A. County is humongous.
Ah, the green and leafy salad days of youth!
Joel
Comment from Arkine
Wonderful descrpitions and history on this place. I've read about it briefly in articles. As for the story, I feel for Nathan. He needs help, hopefully his trust isn't misplaced in this Donnie guy. Nicely done, didn't see any nits. :)
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
|
Wonderful descrpitions and history on this place. I've read about it briefly in articles. As for the story, I feel for Nathan. He needs help, hopefully his trust isn't misplaced in this Donnie guy. Nicely done, didn't see any nits. :)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
-
Hi Arkine,
So nice to make a new friend. I appreciate your great comments and am glad you could enjoy this chapter. we're 3/4 ways through the novel, so I doubly appreciate your comments.
Thank you,
Gayle
Comment from Korton
Ok, so now we have this new character, Donnie. It seems like Dr. Pritchard did a pretty good job of paring them up. Something about Nathan's actions seem a little plastic. I get the sense that although the Nathan presona seems to be on the surface, that one of the others is in control. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
|
Ok, so now we have this new character, Donnie. It seems like Dr. Pritchard did a pretty good job of paring them up. Something about Nathan's actions seem a little plastic. I get the sense that although the Nathan presona seems to be on the surface, that one of the others is in control. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
-
Hey Frank,
I think we're going to see some unusual happenings. I'm writing the story now and the edit needs are showing, but I can't seem to slow down!
I so appreciate your eagle eye!
Hugs,
Gayle
-
Did you get a chance to watch that video? I think you'll find it very enlightening.
Comment from fictionwriter
Wow, this chapter was full of great descriptions and lively dialouge. I loved every minute of it. Nothing to grip about. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
|
Wow, this chapter was full of great descriptions and lively dialouge. I loved every minute of it. Nothing to grip about. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2010
-
Thank you very much for the great R&R> I appreciate the encouraging words.
Gayle