Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Hold on, I'm coming"A woman is stalked by a fan
15 total reviews
Comment from shelley kaye
yay. amy! was wondering when she was going to get her part :)
can't wait to see what happens next!! :)
as for this chapter ~ noticed a few little things....
Via de la Valle isn't the 'de la' part capped too? i think it is on the freeway signs anyway :-P
rear view <-- viewing a rear or did you mean rearview (one word)? lol
six lane intersection <-- hyphen in six-lane?
They hit every light <-- 'red' light?
two lane highway <-- hyphen in two-lane?
and now for the big one....
coasted through red lights, stopped in the middle of the intersections and generally caused a menace. <-- shouldn't this sentence be in present tense like the rest? "coastING through red lights, stoppING in the middle of intersections and generally causING a menace" (fanstory taught me that hehe) - also do you really need 'the' before intersections?
still givin' ya a fiver 'cause i know you'll fix and/or explain :)
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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yay. amy! was wondering when she was going to get her part :)
can't wait to see what happens next!! :)
as for this chapter ~ noticed a few little things....
Via de la Valle isn't the 'de la' part capped too? i think it is on the freeway signs anyway :-P
rear view <-- viewing a rear or did you mean rearview (one word)? lol
six lane intersection <-- hyphen in six-lane?
They hit every light <-- 'red' light?
two lane highway <-- hyphen in two-lane?
and now for the big one....
coasted through red lights, stopped in the middle of the intersections and generally caused a menace. <-- shouldn't this sentence be in present tense like the rest? "coastING through red lights, stoppING in the middle of intersections and generally causING a menace" (fanstory taught me that hehe) - also do you really need 'the' before intersections?
still givin' ya a fiver 'cause i know you'll fix and/or explain :)
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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See what happens when you rush your fences? Ya catch a rail! LOL, you are so right, both with the hyphens and rearview. How the hell did I do that? Now, the 'de la' sometimes it is and sometimes, depending where you are, the street signs will say 'del', combining the two. Actually, Lyle called that to my attention in Riding High, I think it was.
I'll google it and get it right. Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt. I'll get in there and make fix.
Hugs,
Gayle
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was i right about the sentence in past that should be present tense? :)
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Yes, I went in and redid some of those sentences, plus got the hyphens in. They're all in three or four paragraphs. Let me know if you like them better! :)
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cool! learned about past and present tense switching right here on fs! glad i got it right LOL! yea the change works great! :)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Very good. I am glad to see Ruby caught onto Kip's suggestion. You did a great job moving the plot along with this post. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Very good. I am glad to see Ruby caught onto Kip's suggestion. You did a great job moving the plot along with this post. Excellent job.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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I'm glad you liked that one, Barbara.
Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. It means so much.
Gayle
Comment from ZigzagMLT
Wonderfully done. You've set up this next gun fight well. There were no errors of note.
It was quick, who you know, and efficient. The whole trained dog scenario helps with this part.
I cannot wait to see how the next chapter runs.
Thanks!
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Wonderfully done. You've set up this next gun fight well. There were no errors of note.
It was quick, who you know, and efficient. The whole trained dog scenario helps with this part.
I cannot wait to see how the next chapter runs.
Thanks!
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Hi Zig,
So glad you liked that one. From here on in, or just about, the dogs shine! Next you'll meet Amy, the diva of the team and my favorite.
Thanks again<
Gayle
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Can't wait!
Comment from Korton
Ok, so now the girls and Amy are going to get in on the act too. Good plan. Poor Nathan/Norman won't know what to do with four Dobies pouncing all over him. Excellent chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Ok, so now the girls and Amy are going to get in on the act too. Good plan. Poor Nathan/Norman won't know what to do with four Dobies pouncing all over him. Excellent chapter.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Talk about your worst nightmare, huh? I have to admit, this story is fun to write. I have to thin out the canine team pretty soon or there won't be anything for the guys to do!
Thanks so much for the great comments and review,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from rogerpolly
Your writing is very descriptive and easy to read. The story moves along quickly. I love the brilliance of the dog and how his owner relies on him for clues. The plot is well set forth and believable.
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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Your writing is very descriptive and easy to read. The story moves along quickly. I love the brilliance of the dog and how his owner relies on him for clues. The plot is well set forth and believable.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Hi Marie,
Glad you liked this one. I love using the girls, but I find there's really nothing to do with them until the end. Stories just work out like that. We're only in the middle of this one and already, here they come. Good omen!
Thanks and hugs,
Gayle