Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "So now what?"A woman is stalked by a fan
13 total reviews
Comment from Korton
Excellent chapter, Gayle. I have a couple of things for you on this one. First, these two seem to be in conflict:
An hour later, {Norman} signed the lease, wrote a check for his deposit and six month's rent and walked out the door with a key to the condo next door to Cathy's.
Desiree Collins watched {Nathan} leave
Second, Unless Norman also has a legal identy, how was Desiree able to obtain a credit report and accept him as signor on the lease? His address across the street would also show up on the credit report.
Third. In Californiaa, in buildings over theree stories firewalls would have to be masonry, probably reinforced concrete six to eight inches thick.
I remember The Towering Inferno, watching in horror as the light fixtures in the corridors were falling and noticing that they were connected with romex.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Excellent chapter, Gayle. I have a couple of things for you on this one. First, these two seem to be in conflict:
An hour later, {Norman} signed the lease, wrote a check for his deposit and six month's rent and walked out the door with a key to the condo next door to Cathy's.
Desiree Collins watched {Nathan} leave
Second, Unless Norman also has a legal identy, how was Desiree able to obtain a credit report and accept him as signor on the lease? His address across the street would also show up on the credit report.
Third. In Californiaa, in buildings over theree stories firewalls would have to be masonry, probably reinforced concrete six to eight inches thick.
I remember The Towering Inferno, watching in horror as the light fixtures in the corridors were falling and noticing that they were connected with romex.
Very well done.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Rutro! Daggonit, I was afraid of that. I wanted to use that way in and out so I could later show Kip chasing him right back up the ladder! Rats.
Okay, they have a common wall. He'll just have to go through that way.
Thanks for telling me that, Frank. It may not be something everyone knows, but it's too big to chance. I'm going to adjust the ms but if I change that chapter here it'll be a mess for the Fans.
Thanks good buddy!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Rutro! Daggonit, I was afraid of that. I wanted to use that way in and out so I could later show Kip chasing him right back up the ladder! Rats.
Norman is in the control spot now, but he uses all of Nathan's info.
Okay, they have a common wall. He'll just have to go through that way.
Thanks for telling me that, Frank. It may not be something everyone knows, but it's too big to chance. I'm going to adjust the ms but if I change that chapter here it'll be a mess for the Fans.
Thanks good buddy!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Elizabeth_Mckenna
Very nice writing. Thank you for sharing. I got a creepy feeling just reading about the Norman.
Some punctuation suggestions:
After shaking hands(,) she nodded,
An hour later, Norman signed the lease, wrote a check for his deposit and six month's rent(,) and walked out the door with a key to the condo next door to Cathy's.
He opened the condo door, dropped the suitcase and back-pack on the floor(,) and hurried through the beautiful living room, blind to the lovely antiques and paintings.
She rested there a moment(,) then turned a wide smile on
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Very nice writing. Thank you for sharing. I got a creepy feeling just reading about the Norman.
Some punctuation suggestions:
After shaking hands(,) she nodded,
An hour later, Norman signed the lease, wrote a check for his deposit and six month's rent(,) and walked out the door with a key to the condo next door to Cathy's.
He opened the condo door, dropped the suitcase and back-pack on the floor(,) and hurried through the beautiful living room, blind to the lovely antiques and paintings.
She rested there a moment(,) then turned a wide smile on
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Hi Elizabeth, so nice to meet you.
As you probably can tell, I hate commas. I use them as sparingly as possible, lol, as you can surely tell.
I will take your suggestions into consideration and hope you'll stop by again for a chat.
Also, welcome to Fanstory!
Gayle
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Hi Elizabeth, so nice to meet you.
As you probably can tell, I hate commas. I use them as sparingly as possible, lol, as you can surely tell.
I will take your suggestions into consideration and hope you'll stop by again for a chat.
Also, welcome to Fanstory!
Gayle
Comment from ZigzagMLT
Not too long at all... it worked for me. I liked the ending, the humour. Forgetting some of the characters at times, but you do a good job of reminding the reader through sublte hints. This is wonderful.
One note: six months' rent?
Thanks again!
Zigzagmlt
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Not too long at all... it worked for me. I liked the ending, the humour. Forgetting some of the characters at times, but you do a good job of reminding the reader through sublte hints. This is wonderful.
One note: six months' rent?
Thanks again!
Zigzagmlt
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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HA! You're the first person who mentioned the apostrophe on months. I thought that might be the case, but waited for something to surface on the reviews!
Excellent and thanks for the great R&R>
Gayle
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HA! You're the first person who mentioned the apostrophe on months. I thought that might be the case, but waited for something to surface on the reviews!
Excellent and thanks for the great R&R>
Gayle
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I can be a grammar nut... to some people's disappointment. Glad it had the opposite effect on you. Z