Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "I Spy"A woman is stalked by a fan
16 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am a little disappointed in the hook. I expected something more, not sure what, but something more. I thought it was a let down. I didn't find any mechanical errors.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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I am a little disappointed in the hook. I expected something more, not sure what, but something more. I thought it was a let down. I didn't find any mechanical errors.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Well, dang it, I'm sorry about that. We'll pick up the action here very soon. I think you'll be glad if you hang in!
Thanks for being honest with me. I appreciate that.
Gayle
Comment from rwilliam
Gloomy gray clouds filled with mist hovered above the deck like a wet blanket. Love this ... as usual :-)
The intrepid sun made its presence known, poking holes in the clouds. This is really good also.
Voice husky, he said, "Come here." He opened his arms and enfolded her, hugging her close.
This is a personal opinion but I think this would sound better something like this:
"Come here." He said in a husky voice.
Good chapter. You have the drama building and I am looking forward to the upcoming events. Excellent work .
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Gloomy gray clouds filled with mist hovered above the deck like a wet blanket. Love this ... as usual :-)
The intrepid sun made its presence known, poking holes in the clouds. This is really good also.
Voice husky, he said, "Come here." He opened his arms and enfolded her, hugging her close.
This is a personal opinion but I think this would sound better something like this:
"Come here." He said in a husky voice.
Good chapter. You have the drama building and I am looking forward to the upcoming events. Excellent work .
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Hi Rebecca,
I always think of myself as the dialogue queen but I love to describe, too. It's so hard to show until you get into the groove.
Great suggestion, let me cogitate on it. Thanks for the great comments and review.
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
Norman sounds like a real jerk, and Rudy already has a lot of clues as to his whereabouts, if they just occur to him. Trashing somebody's car doesn't sound very smart. Why not plant a reefer inisde it and call the cops?
I enjoyed this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Gayle,
Norman sounds like a real jerk, and Rudy already has a lot of clues as to his whereabouts, if they just occur to him. Trashing somebody's car doesn't sound very smart. Why not plant a reefer inisde it and call the cops?
I enjoyed this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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LOL! Now there's an idea! Dave, you tickle me pink.
Actually, I think the car business was meant to scare Cathy, which it did, rather than anything else. He figures Rudy will bail the minute he sees the car. He doesn't know our Rudy, lol.
Thanks for stopping by and the great comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sasha
Yes, the guy is absolutely insane. I would be terrified too. You are doing a terrific job building up the suspense and tension in this. I cannot wait to read the next chapter. Really great writing.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Yes, the guy is absolutely insane. I would be terrified too. You are doing a terrific job building up the suspense and tension in this. I cannot wait to read the next chapter. Really great writing.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Hi Sasha,
He is scary to say the least. Thank you so much for the wonderful comments. They mean a lot to me!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from nor84
Hi, Gayle!
Except for the inevitable hedges lining the railing, the rest of the top two patios were (was)>>>the subject is 'rest', so I think it's the rest was hidden. (Hey, I gotta earn my member cent pumps!)Finding something to pick on here is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Rays of gold painted the building with subtle tones of rose and mauve. >>>good one.
Looking forward to seeing a continued and noisy exhibition of male fury (--)something that would diminish his rival in Cathy's eyes(--)it was all Norman could do to keep from screaming as the reality unfolded. (just a suggestion.)
Most guys would have a fit if >>>throwing a fit was mentioned above.
Norman related to Norman Bates?
Careful about the number of paragraphs beginning 'Rudy'.
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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Hi, Gayle!
Except for the inevitable hedges lining the railing, the rest of the top two patios were (was)>>>the subject is 'rest', so I think it's the rest was hidden. (Hey, I gotta earn my member cent pumps!)Finding something to pick on here is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Rays of gold painted the building with subtle tones of rose and mauve. >>>good one.
Looking forward to seeing a continued and noisy exhibition of male fury (--)something that would diminish his rival in Cathy's eyes(--)it was all Norman could do to keep from screaming as the reality unfolded. (just a suggestion.)
Most guys would have a fit if >>>throwing a fit was mentioned above.
Norman related to Norman Bates?
Careful about the number of paragraphs beginning 'Rudy'.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Hey Norma,
So good to see you. I think this is the first chapter you've read. Yes, Baates would work, lol!
Talk about chapter names, I've written so danged many chapters on FS I've run out of original chapter names. Why do they make us do that? Who ever names chapters in the real world of novels?
As, so good to see you m'dear. The contest is picking up!!! Talk soon,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Are names mandatory? I use them, but I see a lot that just say Chapter 1, etc.
I'm not using a walker now, just an occasional cane. 2010 is looking up!
Comment from Korton
Another excellent chapter, Gayle. Rudy seems to be the epitome of Mr. Cool at this moment. I suppose this has a lot to do with his seal training. They are equipped to deal with almost anything and fear is not part of the vocabulary. Very well done.
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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Another excellent chapter, Gayle. Rudy seems to be the epitome of Mr. Cool at this moment. I suppose this has a lot to do with his seal training. They are equipped to deal with almost anything and fear is not part of the vocabulary. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Yep, cool as a cucumber. This one is going to get pretty rough before it's over. I just bet you're going to be solving the puzzles before anyone else! I remember!
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle