Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Nathan Stanley"A woman is stalked by a fan
13 total reviews
Comment from Korton
Excellent chapter that is very revealing. This dude is definitely obsessed, a real nut case. I wouldn't be surprised if when Rudy shows up on the balcony he may become extremely irrational and violent. Very well done.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Excellent chapter that is very revealing. This dude is definitely obsessed, a real nut case. I wouldn't be surprised if when Rudy shows up on the balcony he may become extremely irrational and violent. Very well done.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Shhhh, you'll give the whole thing away, Frank! LOL, I can't fool you for a moment. Yes, there will be a bit of this and a bit of that before this one's done!
Thanks so much for the great review!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Changeisgood
Gayle, Well, your plot is thickening nicely. I just read about Cathy and now she has a stalker, but you write well and tell it from his point of view so that HE doesn't sense it like that. Of course. And there is sadness about him too. I don't know if you meant this, but it makes much more sense to me that she does scupturing because that way her hands and tactile senses are involved in the art. In fact, I can appreciate a blind person doing sculpture more than designs of a visual nature.
A few suggestions. In second paragraph, the modifying phrase at the beginning of sentence seems to refer to the man. Would reword.
"Not only his favorite but most frequented space, he took great pains with the decoration and furnishings, and gazing around, felt he got it just right. It was perfect for his needs."
"Nathan loved the patio kitchen and used it almost every night. A secretive man by nature, he had no friends, but he loved to cook and made elaborate dinners each night that would rival the efforts of a five-star chef."
When I read the above paragraph, thought you had already explained how much he used to patio. But it was good to say he was secretic.
"Mesmerized, overwhelmed with emotion, it took him quite a while to recognize the woman." You repeat yourself here. I suggest, "Mesmerized, he didn't recognize the woman for a few moments," or something like that. The way you have it is like a dictionary explaining the word mesmerized.
It reads well and I think you have an interesting story to tell. Good luck with it.
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Gayle, Well, your plot is thickening nicely. I just read about Cathy and now she has a stalker, but you write well and tell it from his point of view so that HE doesn't sense it like that. Of course. And there is sadness about him too. I don't know if you meant this, but it makes much more sense to me that she does scupturing because that way her hands and tactile senses are involved in the art. In fact, I can appreciate a blind person doing sculpture more than designs of a visual nature.
A few suggestions. In second paragraph, the modifying phrase at the beginning of sentence seems to refer to the man. Would reword.
"Not only his favorite but most frequented space, he took great pains with the decoration and furnishings, and gazing around, felt he got it just right. It was perfect for his needs."
"Nathan loved the patio kitchen and used it almost every night. A secretive man by nature, he had no friends, but he loved to cook and made elaborate dinners each night that would rival the efforts of a five-star chef."
When I read the above paragraph, thought you had already explained how much he used to patio. But it was good to say he was secretic.
"Mesmerized, overwhelmed with emotion, it took him quite a while to recognize the woman." You repeat yourself here. I suggest, "Mesmerized, he didn't recognize the woman for a few moments," or something like that. The way you have it is like a dictionary explaining the word mesmerized.
It reads well and I think you have an interesting story to tell. Good luck with it.
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Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Oh, my, you are so perceptive. Yes, there is a sadness that surrounds Nathan. I enjoy writing about emotional and mental illness and portraying them a bit differently than most.
I am repeating about him loving the patio, aren't I? Let me get in and tweak that a bit. Thanks for the catch and thanks for the fine review. Hope you come back for more,
Gayle
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Gayle, I'll be interested to see what you do with this. Enjoyed. Yeah, I sort of felt that way about the patio.
Comment from EllieKaye
It's always enjoyable to click on 'next' to find some great writing pop up. Nice job here. I guess I have to wonder where this will go... I'll have to check back!
The only suggestion I can offer is that when you state he is drinking wine, perhaps you can give us a sense of his character by telling su what kind. :) Do you know wine? I'm not really familiar with what a man like him would drink--or for that means, what anyone would drink. I imagined him with a Cabernet or a dry red.
All the best to you. :)
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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It's always enjoyable to click on 'next' to find some great writing pop up. Nice job here. I guess I have to wonder where this will go... I'll have to check back!
The only suggestion I can offer is that when you state he is drinking wine, perhaps you can give us a sense of his character by telling su what kind. :) Do you know wine? I'm not really familiar with what a man like him would drink--or for that means, what anyone would drink. I imagined him with a Cabernet or a dry red.
All the best to you. :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Hi Ellie,
Well, I'd imagine him for a red drinker, too. Something soft, like a Pino Noir? Oh God, can't do French or EE will wig out. A Cab it is!
Ah, so nice to see you again and thanks so much for the encouraging words. I appreciate the review and the input. Hope to see you again soon,
Gayle