Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Suzi"A woman is stalked by a fan
18 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
You show a great understanding for Cathy and her situation. Unfortunately, the theft of train dogs is a sorbid reality. I found myself involved in your story. It is well written with excellent imagery and descriptive scheme. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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You show a great understanding for Cathy and her situation. Unfortunately, the theft of train dogs is a sorbid reality. I found myself involved in your story. It is well written with excellent imagery and descriptive scheme. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Hi Charlie,
I can't imagine how anyone would steal a guard dog. Talk about bad karma!
I'm thrilled to see you back and thank you for the excellent review.
Hugs,
Gayle
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You and Roberta may have a lot in common. A carnal sin is to pet some one else's seeing eye dog. Roberta doesn't use a dog.
Comment from RenieReader
Oh, hell! How can people be so cruel? I know, it's greed and me, me, me. Poor Cathy and Suzi. Both will be bereft. C'mon, Gayle, we've got to get on the trail of this jerk. Grrr!
One suggestion:
I think [I] might be turned around and I don't want to move."
Hugs and kudos,
Renie
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Oh, hell! How can people be so cruel? I know, it's greed and me, me, me. Poor Cathy and Suzi. Both will be bereft. C'mon, Gayle, we've got to get on the trail of this jerk. Grrr!
One suggestion:
I think [I] might be turned around and I don't want to move."
Hugs and kudos,
Renie
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Hi Renie, oh, look at that! First sixer of the year. Coming from you I have to take that as a real compliment.
I'll get that second "I" in there asap.
Can't thank you enough for the love and support, the editing help without which I could not exist, but mostly for just being you!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
Just like that, Suzi disappeared, and all Cathy heard was a slight scuffle. You also mentioned the back door that opened too easily. We'll see how this plays out.
I enjoyed this chapter and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Gayle,
Just like that, Suzi disappeared, and all Cathy heard was a slight scuffle. You also mentioned the back door that opened too easily. We'll see how this plays out.
I enjoyed this chapter and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Hi again!
Ah, the plot thickens. You're gonna love how the dogs get involved in this one. LOL, don't exactly see them as guide dogs, but who knows, huh?
Thanks again,
Gayle
Comment from Sasha
I like the step back in time in this chapter. Already knowing that Suzie has been stolen adds to the intrigue. You have done a great job providing the visual imagery for the reader. I found a few areas that you may or may not want to look at:
Not bad, necessarily, nor good... this is an awkward sentence... you might consider leaving out'necessarily'... or change to,,, Not necessarily bad or good...Just a suggestion.
"Let's go." She tucked both arms into her sides and began to jog, counting off the strides... I realize she let go of the harness in order to jog, but this description is a little vague. You might want to add something about Cathy feeling so comfortable with Suzi never leaving her side that she felt completely comfortable jobbing witout holding onto the harness... again, just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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I like the step back in time in this chapter. Already knowing that Suzie has been stolen adds to the intrigue. You have done a great job providing the visual imagery for the reader. I found a few areas that you may or may not want to look at:
Not bad, necessarily, nor good... this is an awkward sentence... you might consider leaving out'necessarily'... or change to,,, Not necessarily bad or good...Just a suggestion.
"Let's go." She tucked both arms into her sides and began to jog, counting off the strides... I realize she let go of the harness in order to jog, but this description is a little vague. You might want to add something about Cathy feeling so comfortable with Suzi never leaving her side that she felt completely comfortable jobbing witout holding onto the harness... again, just a suggestion.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Ah, yes indeed, the backstory. It's so difficult to do that and keep the reader's attention. It's like, snooze time. Glad I didn't do that!
Y'know, that 'not bad, necessarily...' I didn't really like that one much myself, but I couldn't see how to fix it. Thankfully, you did, and it's a great change, including the whole sentence! LOL!
Also, explaining how she jogged and feeling confident doing that. I guess I have to explain that or clarify more. I just read it over and got this little 'thrill' in my stomach about thinking about her stepping on a little rock! Yes, I'll have to do that.
Outstanding edit helps, m'girl! Here's a thumb!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from jayhawk67
Very good rendition of the perils of blindness and how a determined young woman copes with them. The dialogue moves things right along. The sense of fear is palpable.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Very good rendition of the perils of blindness and how a determined young woman copes with them. The dialogue moves things right along. The sense of fear is palpable.
Nice job.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Hi Jay,
Thank you for the review and fine rating. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and hope to see you again,
Gayle
Comment from adewpearl
One can just hear the anxiety in her voice as Suzi is snatched and she is left alone, no way to get back from where she came. You are good at building tension and suspense and also at creating a sympathetic character :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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One can just hear the anxiety in her voice as Suzi is snatched and she is left alone, no way to get back from where she came. You are good at building tension and suspense and also at creating a sympathetic character :-) Brooke
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Aha! So glad to see you back. I value your input, and really appreciate the wonderful review and rating.
Best,
Gayle
Comment from Heidixoxo
I think you have done a great job with your story. I cant deny the fact that this had me on edge. (LOL) I also think your characters are good, well formed. Good luck to you with this and all your future submissions........xoxo
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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I think you have done a great job with your story. I cant deny the fact that this had me on edge. (LOL) I also think your characters are good, well formed. Good luck to you with this and all your future submissions........xoxo
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Hey Heidi,
This is only the second chapter, so if you liked it so far, be sure to catch the first so you're totally up to speed.
Thanks for the wonderful raview. I appreciate your comments.
Gayle
Comment from Korton
Another excellent chapter. You've done a great job here of bringing us up to date on the reason for Cathy's fear as well as her tremendous attachment to Suzy. With such a strong attachment it is entirely understandable that she would be reluctant to bond with another dog in such a short time. Very well done.
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reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Another excellent chapter. You've done a great job here of bringing us up to date on the reason for Cathy's fear as well as her tremendous attachment to Suzy. With such a strong attachment it is entirely understandable that she would be reluctant to bond with another dog in such a short time. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2010
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Hey Frank,
Boy, you're fast! Yes, can you imagine the kind of relationship, the dependence she's have on the dog? To me, blindness would be just about insurmountable. Guess that's why I like to make them successful. Remember Lisa in Riding Blind? Ah, that was with Angel ... no Dobermans!
Talk soon,
Hugs,
Gayle
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No dobermans, but we sure had plenty of horses.