Breaking Out
Syllables 1-5-5-9 for each stanza46 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Sorry Debi, but it was a laugh from me. I like the artwork you've used, it's very apt for this world at the moment. You did a great job with this one with the multiple stanzas, a fun challenge you excelled.
cheers
valda
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Sorry Debi, but it was a laugh from me. I like the artwork you've used, it's very apt for this world at the moment. You did a great job with this one with the multiple stanzas, a fun challenge you excelled.
cheers
valda
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Oh Valda, please don't be sorry. I have been waiting for someone to also laugh with me. You know how this is not my style. But when I saw this prompt I remembered the song and I set out to make this funny. Thank you so much for seeing the humor.. I knew that I had to write it so it would end with the start of the song. It would have to say, "They're coming to take me away"
Thanks so much, my dear friend. You truly made my day. Love, Debi
Comment from Helvi2
Hi Debi, You definitely project the feel of the poem in your words! Love how your end rhymes related to the first word in each stanza. Definitely sounds like your in the funny farm. LOL I think you did a great job creating the atmosphere for the poem and the place. I know the song you posted and think that was a great addition on the side. Nicely done! Ho Ho Hee Hee! :o) Helvi
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi Debi, You definitely project the feel of the poem in your words! Love how your end rhymes related to the first word in each stanza. Definitely sounds like your in the funny farm. LOL I think you did a great job creating the atmosphere for the poem and the place. I know the song you posted and think that was a great addition on the side. Nicely done! Ho Ho Hee Hee! :o) Helvi
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi Helvi, I thank you so much. I just realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Debi,
This is a great asylum poem. It has all the characteristics of someone being bat crap crazy. The song you chose fits perfectly. I can't imagine what those asylum were like. It was a place for people to check in and there was only one way to check out. In a body bag.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Debi,
This is a great asylum poem. It has all the characteristics of someone being bat crap crazy. The song you chose fits perfectly. I can't imagine what those asylum were like. It was a place for people to check in and there was only one way to check out. In a body bag.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi Cecilia, I thank you so much. I just realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from gramalot8
Wow... haven't heard that crazy song in years! It was so annoying in an entertaining way. LOL
It so fits right in with your words. Very expressively written within the confines of the 1-5-5-9 requirements that definitely takes your reader right into that situation.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Wow... haven't heard that crazy song in years! It was so annoying in an entertaining way. LOL
It so fits right in with your words. Very expressively written within the confines of the 1-5-5-9 requirements that definitely takes your reader right into that situation.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi gramalot, I thank you so much. I just realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from Barry Penfold
I liked this a lot. Fits perfectly with the writing prompt. Image great. Made me smile. Thanks for sharing and this would have to go well in the contest. Well done.
Cheers Debi
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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I liked this a lot. Fits perfectly with the writing prompt. Image great. Made me smile. Thanks for sharing and this would have to go well in the contest. Well done.
Cheers Debi
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi Barry, this is not a contest, but just a club prompt. But thank you so much for the awesome review and comments. I only did this one because I remembered that song, "They're coming to take me away" so I thought it would be funny to add it in. You have to agree this is unusual for me to do a dark one like this but I did it to try to add the humor to a serious old time subject. Thanks again, my dear friend. Love, Debi
Comment from ESOSTINE
The poem is a bit humorous, yet captures the mind of one in the lunatic asylum. Listening to the music was also helpful to understand the motivation for the poem. Love can drive one insane! Thanks for sharing your creative world, dear Debi. Remain blessed.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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The poem is a bit humorous, yet captures the mind of one in the lunatic asylum. Listening to the music was also helpful to understand the motivation for the poem. Love can drive one insane! Thanks for sharing your creative world, dear Debi. Remain blessed.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Oh Esostine, I am so happy you saw the humor in this. I thank you so much. I just realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from bob cullen
Just have one question. Is this based on personal experience or is it some-thing you've read? You really are talented. And prolific. And it appears, you sure delivered on what they sought. You had some fun. Delightful. And now a second question. Were you a patient there long?
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Just have one question. Is this based on personal experience or is it some-thing you've read? You really are talented. And prolific. And it appears, you sure delivered on what they sought. You had some fun. Delightful. And now a second question. Were you a patient there long?
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi Bob, thank you so much. First I have a question for you. Do you want the long version of the truth or the short version of the lie. Times up. I guess you get the truth, as silly as it sounds.
Ok, I just realized that not everyone knew that song, "They're coming to take me away." and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the video. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
well like they say, the truth shall set us free. You've heard the song, Right?
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend. Love, Debi
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Good luck Debi in everything you do. I hope life continues to treat you well. Keep writing, Bob
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Your poem has a quirky or even disturbing tone, perhaps due to the subject and perhaps because you captured what the mind of an inmate might really be thinking. The rhymes help add to what kind of circuitous thinking might be present. My uncle used to like to quote parts of that song you referenced.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Your poem has a quirky or even disturbing tone, perhaps due to the subject and perhaps because you captured what the mind of an inmate might really be thinking. The rhymes help add to what kind of circuitous thinking might be present. My uncle used to like to quote parts of that song you referenced.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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I just realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. LOL..
I am glad tho, Crystie that you at least had heard of the song from your uncle. Thanks for the awesome review and comments about it.
Love, Debi
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a really interesting poem with a wild topic. Your poem goes well with your picture. That is a very weird song you picked. I have never heard it before.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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This is a really interesting poem with a wild topic. Your poem goes well with your picture. That is a very weird song you picked. I have never heard it before.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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LOL, Carol, I thought you grew up in the 60s and 70s. That song is the reason I did this prompt. As you know it is not my style. But I grew up with that song as it was popular in August of 1966. I just had to look it up. Anyway, while writing this I had this song in my mind to use. So I had to be real careful how I set it up so it would come out right. Haha. I guess I thought everyone would know it too. Thank you for telling me, cause now I wonder how many others wondered about it. Does it make a little more sense now, I hope? LOL
Thanks for the awesome review tho, as I always love your honesty, my friend.
Love, Debi
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I was a sophomore in college in 1966 and I don't think I ever heard it. We were really into the Wall of Sound Rock music.
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That makes sense. Thanks for telling me.
Comment from Noreen Bernardo
First off, you did a wonderful job in your rhyme scheme. It's very well put together In that it's orderly. I've seen documentaries on prison life and I've visited alcatraz. You can feel the heaviness there even after 62 years of being closed. I like the fact that you incorporated prayer into it. The men and women who currently reside there could certainly use it.
Well done!!
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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First off, you did a wonderful job in your rhyme scheme. It's very well put together In that it's orderly. I've seen documentaries on prison life and I've visited alcatraz. You can feel the heaviness there even after 62 years of being closed. I like the fact that you incorporated prayer into it. The men and women who currently reside there could certainly use it.
Well done!!
Comment Written 31-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi Noreen, I just realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. LOL
I would never offend anyone either. Now a days they are psychiatric hospitals and they don't treat their patients like that anymore. Cause if they did I wouldn't have made light of it.
Thanks, my friend for the lovely review. You are so kind. Love, Debi
