Veil of Secrets
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Veil of Secrets - Chap 3"Mystery/Crime and Ghosts
12 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I absolutely hate doing this. This story is great, but the commas after the dialogues, keep it from being perfect. I wanted to give it a six but can't. I've taken a stand on the errors, if I make an exception then it's not right.
Garth's voice sharpened. "Staged? (sharpened,)
"Don't go pointing fingers at Frankie." Garth snapped. (Frankie,")
Garth leaned forward, his voice lowering. (lowering,)
Garth hesitated before speaking. "He's got a friend -- Marcus Bennetti. (speaking,)
Eleanor's voice was laced with tension. "I found it near the rose garden at (tension,)
Eleanor's voice grew quieter. (quieter,)
Danni's voice broke the tension. "And what (tension,)
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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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I absolutely hate doing this. This story is great, but the commas after the dialogues, keep it from being perfect. I wanted to give it a six but can't. I've taken a stand on the errors, if I make an exception then it's not right.
Garth's voice sharpened. "Staged? (sharpened,)
"Don't go pointing fingers at Frankie." Garth snapped. (Frankie,")
Garth leaned forward, his voice lowering. (lowering,)
Garth hesitated before speaking. "He's got a friend -- Marcus Bennetti. (speaking,)
Eleanor's voice was laced with tension. "I found it near the rose garden at (tension,)
Eleanor's voice grew quieter. (quieter,)
Danni's voice broke the tension. "And what (tension,)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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You have to do what you feel is right. All I know is I go by grammerly and prowriting and they seem to disagree with you. But it doesn't matter....If you enjoy the story thats all that matters to me. I will go and change your suggestions and take you as being right. Thanks so much for taking the time to point them out........I've corrected all of them so all is well that ends well. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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I got two new grammar books for Christmas, recommended by an editor. One is on writing dialogue. They agree with the suggestions I have given you.
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Like I said, I was sure you were right! Thanks again!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story is filled with so much tension. I couldn't "put it down". The dialogue is sharp and quick. Each character's personality shines through. I really enjoyed how you built up the mystery around the missing boy. You kept me on edge with every twist. I'm definitely hooked to see where this goes next. Keep it up - I'm looking forward to more!
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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Your story is filled with so much tension. I couldn't "put it down". The dialogue is sharp and quick. Each character's personality shines through. I really enjoyed how you built up the mystery around the missing boy. You kept me on edge with every twist. I'm definitely hooked to see where this goes next. Keep it up - I'm looking forward to more!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thank you so much, Michael. I love writing dialogue and making each one show the character's personality...or at least I hope I do. This story has so many twists and turns and threads that tie it together that its difficult to write it fast or you get one messed up with the other. Glad you are enjoying it and thank you so much.
Smiles, Carol
