Paper Promises
A Free Verse40 total reviews
Comment from estory
This was great. I loved the rhythms in the free verse, wavering, like the flimsy paper boat, a great framework for the theme here. The use of the alliterations also provided a wonderful music in the language. I thought the images were terrific; the paper boat, looking great, but flimsy in substance, is the perfect metaphor here for the empty promises of an estranged lover. I thought it was done with original flair as well. You have some skills, my friend. estory
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This was great. I loved the rhythms in the free verse, wavering, like the flimsy paper boat, a great framework for the theme here. The use of the alliterations also provided a wonderful music in the language. I thought the images were terrific; the paper boat, looking great, but flimsy in substance, is the perfect metaphor here for the empty promises of an estranged lover. I thought it was done with original flair as well. You have some skills, my friend. estory
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
Comment from Barry Penfold
Excellent poem and love the image. The concept you explore utilizing the paper boat is spot on and your flow is excellent. Well done and thanks for sharing. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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Excellent poem and love the image. The concept you explore utilizing the paper boat is spot on and your flow is excellent. Well done and thanks for sharing. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Your talent shines, Jessica! I wish I could compose something beautiful that expressed not only sadness but also painted a picture of it. Empty promises made over and over--how crushing to the spirit.
Smiles, Carol
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Your talent shines, Jessica! I wish I could compose something beautiful that expressed not only sadness but also painted a picture of it. Empty promises made over and over--how crushing to the spirit.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
Comment from Natureschild
This is beautifully written and uses the fragility of paper as a metaphor for promises that are easy to break. The imagery is great, and I like the format you used. Well done.
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This is beautifully written and uses the fragility of paper as a metaphor for promises that are easy to break. The imagery is great, and I like the format you used. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
Comment from ESOSTINE
Hello Jessica, your talent in poetry is exceptional. You always pen your works with rich imagery, making them stand out, and this on did not disappoint. Well done, dear.
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Hello Jessica, your talent in poetry is exceptional. You always pen your works with rich imagery, making them stand out, and this on did not disappoint. Well done, dear.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
Comment from Neonewman
Wow! The flow was impeccable. This is one of the best free verse pieces I've read in ages. Beautifully sad, if you will. You're an incredible talent, Jessica.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Wow! The flow was impeccable. This is one of the best free verse pieces I've read in ages. Beautifully sad, if you will. You're an incredible talent, Jessica.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Steve, that means so much. Thank you!
Xo
Jess
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My pleasure, Jessica.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written verse and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It flows very well when it is read aloud. Your punctuation and your spacing are all very well done.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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This is a very well written verse and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It flows very well when it is read aloud. Your punctuation and your spacing are all very well done.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much!
Comment from EeanBlack
Such beauty in sadness. The poem, that is, I know nothing of you. "...a ripple's touch, a breath-", those are stand-alone phrases. This poem has moved me to tears. I never lie about that. I can't get beauty like this to come from me. I am the happiest kind of jealous. This is very impressive.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Such beauty in sadness. The poem, that is, I know nothing of you. "...a ripple's touch, a breath-", those are stand-alone phrases. This poem has moved me to tears. I never lie about that. I can't get beauty like this to come from me. I am the happiest kind of jealous. This is very impressive.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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That means a lot to me, thank you so much.
Xo
Jess
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Thank you.
Comment from Nicole Dover
I think the poem is good - but would be much better if the format were changed. As it is the line breaks take me out of the imagery of the story you created.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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I think the poem is good - but would be much better if the format were changed. As it is the line breaks take me out of the imagery of the story you created.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very good artwork and presentation, Jess.
-You wrote a very good poem with a good topic
an good images that tell a story.
-Very good alliteration and internal rhyme in verse one
that emphasizes the boat and the promise that was made.
-The boat had been made with colors and also
a "delicate design," but it doesn't take much to sink the boat.
-Very good concluding lines showing this "paper promise"
wasn't meant to last. Very well done.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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-Very good artwork and presentation, Jess.
-You wrote a very good poem with a good topic
an good images that tell a story.
-Very good alliteration and internal rhyme in verse one
that emphasizes the boat and the promise that was made.
-The boat had been made with colors and also
a "delicate design," but it doesn't take much to sink the boat.
-Very good concluding lines showing this "paper promise"
wasn't meant to last. Very well done.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much, Pam. I appreciate your thoughts, as always!
Xo
Jess
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You are very welcome, Jess.
