Serpent's Bargain
Her desire is called a sin to shackle her power ...27 total reviews
Comment from Barry Penfold
Very good entry. Image and wording entwine nicely and engage the reader fully in the journey. Thanks for sharing and all the best in the competition.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Very good entry. Image and wording entwine nicely and engage the reader fully in the journey. Thanks for sharing and all the best in the competition.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Barry! I appreciate your comments and rating. 😊
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
The snake will always be seen as the corrupter that injects guilt into the woman while the man, indoctrinated by religion, feels blame-free. Her pleasure only intensifies condemnation in this unequal relationship. In contrast, the consenting couple is able to share the thrill of blameless equality. Tell me if I've gone wrong, Patrick, in your skilfully-crafted and considered verse of desire. Thank you for sharing. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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The snake will always be seen as the corrupter that injects guilt into the woman while the man, indoctrinated by religion, feels blame-free. Her pleasure only intensifies condemnation in this unequal relationship. In contrast, the consenting couple is able to share the thrill of blameless equality. Tell me if I've gone wrong, Patrick, in your skilfully-crafted and considered verse of desire. Thank you for sharing. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Hey Debbie! You absolutely nailed it. The point I am making with the poem is that a woman should not have to feel guilt or as if she is stained in some way by enjoying her orgasm. Most of the world's institutions in one way or another have tried to do just that in an effort to either curb her political power or else maintain possession over her natural right to physical pleasure. Anyway, thank you for the review and your interpretation! 😊
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A pleasure, Patrick! Thank you so much and for sharing an impressive verse with a sensitive and profound message.
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Patrick.
This poem uses space well to enhance theme. It had good use of metaphor and alliteration to crate erotic imagery of what seems like prostitution.
If this is supposed to be written in quatrains as the club prompt is called it is hard to see the four line stanza.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Join
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Hi Patrick.
This poem uses space well to enhance theme. It had good use of metaphor and alliteration to crate erotic imagery of what seems like prostitution.
If this is supposed to be written in quatrains as the club prompt is called it is hard to see the four line stanza.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Join
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Thank you for the review! 😊
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My pleasure, Patrick.
Joan
Comment from Shanbreen
Patrick, you have well depicted what some may recall from the bygone days as the sinful desires of sex. It is always the men, malignant as they are, whose idea of morality "condemn her claim." But you redeem the act of "sin" through consenting couples for whom the serpent plays the enticing role. Beautifully written quatrains.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Patrick, you have well depicted what some may recall from the bygone days as the sinful desires of sex. It is always the men, malignant as they are, whose idea of morality "condemn her claim." But you redeem the act of "sin" through consenting couples for whom the serpent plays the enticing role. Beautifully written quatrains.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much for your comments and 6-star rating! 😊 I am very gratified that you not only enjoyed the poem but also fully understood it.
Comment from jake cosmos aller
a powerful and moving poem about desire and sin. great image of a woman, a real siren. I like how you describe a woman filled with erotic desires unfulfilled.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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a powerful and moving poem about desire and sin. great image of a woman, a real siren. I like how you describe a woman filled with erotic desires unfulfilled.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Jake! 😊
Comment from Julie Helms
The Serpent's Bargain is a beautifully metered poem with alliteration that is always effective when slithering serpents are involved.
So you asked me to comment on my feelings behind the content, so I will! I have mixed feelings about it, or maybe I should say I think there is a mixed message here.
There is no question that in patriarchal societies there usually exists a double standard for men and women in terms of sexuality. Women are sluts and men are just playing the field. I totally agree with this aspect.
You use terms like holy, moral, and sacramental--all religious terms, and your reference in words and picture definitely plays on the debacle in Eden with Eve and the serpent, so we can narrow that religion down to Christian/Judeo tradition.
I would like to distinguish between Hebrew society (most definitely patriarchal) and what the Bible teaches. One may find it confining that sex outside of marriage is forbidden by God; not just for women, but men and women equally...there is no double standard in the teaching. In fact, Jesus calls out the Pharisees on their shit over this. They bring him a woman caught in adultery, and test him by asking him what's he gonna do about it (by law she should be stoned). But he wasn't an idiot or blind. He knows it takes two to commit adultery, and the Pharisees didn't bring him the man. So he forgave the woman and totally shamed the Pharisees for their hypocrisy.
God's rules are there for our protection, not because he is a buzzkill. If people only had sex within marriage there would be no STDs, many fewer unwanted pregnancies, and no relationship drama with the destructive force that is adultery. What percentage of abortions occur among married people? I don't know, but I'm guessing very few. The family unit is in place to take care of a surprise baby in a way that single people don't have.
But guess what...the answer isn't matriarchal societies. A cursory research through history shows what happens. Do the women then become empowered? Sure. They also become masculine-behaving and masculinized. They demand the men around them become castrated (literally), weak, and effeminate. It's a complete disaster of a culture.
So, I'll agree with you there is a double standard in our culture toward male and female behavior. But I'm likely to disagree as to the source of the problem or the solution.
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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The Serpent's Bargain is a beautifully metered poem with alliteration that is always effective when slithering serpents are involved.
So you asked me to comment on my feelings behind the content, so I will! I have mixed feelings about it, or maybe I should say I think there is a mixed message here.
There is no question that in patriarchal societies there usually exists a double standard for men and women in terms of sexuality. Women are sluts and men are just playing the field. I totally agree with this aspect.
You use terms like holy, moral, and sacramental--all religious terms, and your reference in words and picture definitely plays on the debacle in Eden with Eve and the serpent, so we can narrow that religion down to Christian/Judeo tradition.
I would like to distinguish between Hebrew society (most definitely patriarchal) and what the Bible teaches. One may find it confining that sex outside of marriage is forbidden by God; not just for women, but men and women equally...there is no double standard in the teaching. In fact, Jesus calls out the Pharisees on their shit over this. They bring him a woman caught in adultery, and test him by asking him what's he gonna do about it (by law she should be stoned). But he wasn't an idiot or blind. He knows it takes two to commit adultery, and the Pharisees didn't bring him the man. So he forgave the woman and totally shamed the Pharisees for their hypocrisy.
God's rules are there for our protection, not because he is a buzzkill. If people only had sex within marriage there would be no STDs, many fewer unwanted pregnancies, and no relationship drama with the destructive force that is adultery. What percentage of abortions occur among married people? I don't know, but I'm guessing very few. The family unit is in place to take care of a surprise baby in a way that single people don't have.
But guess what...the answer isn't matriarchal societies. A cursory research through history shows what happens. Do the women then become empowered? Sure. They also become masculine-behaving and masculinized. They demand the men around them become castrated (literally), weak, and effeminate. It's a complete disaster of a culture.
So, I'll agree with you there is a double standard in our culture toward male and female behavior. But I'm likely to disagree as to the source of the problem or the solution.
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Hi Julie!
I do tend to favor your first interpretation as to the double standard being the main idea. The point of the poem is the right of a woman to enjoy her orgasm. Period. Enjoy it without the guilt that all of society seems to heap on her for it, finding fault with this completely positive aspect of her humanity.
All the other sociological extrapolations you mentioned are valid. I will not deny them. But it is important to answer one of them specifically. I only refer to religious references because these have been by far in history the institutions most responsible for suppressing this natural right of a woman.
You went a bit far afield about the matriarchal society, for in my insinuating that we are denying a woman her power was not in any way to imply that her power should supplant a man's. I have no arguments with you at all in that area. What one would hope is that human governance would take what's good from both the masculine and feminine human aspect and meld them into something more equitable for all of us.
Thanks for reviewing and commenting. When I recommended that you should review the poem, it was only to let you know that it was worth a lot at that moment to do so. 🤣
Patrick
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Fair enough. Thank you for my $1.05. 😁
Comment from Begin Again
My goodness, my friend, you certainly have brought a heightened change to the cover of FanStory. LOL, I am terrified of snakes even in pictures (a devastating accident as a kid), so the picture didn't win any points, but your words most definitely did. It took me a read or two since you always make me kick cobwebs off the old brain in order to comprehend, but it's well done.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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My goodness, my friend, you certainly have brought a heightened change to the cover of FanStory. LOL, I am terrified of snakes even in pictures (a devastating accident as a kid), so the picture didn't win any points, but your words most definitely did. It took me a read or two since you always make me kick cobwebs off the old brain in order to comprehend, but it's well done.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Hi Carol! Yeah, I did not mean at first for the image to be so provocative, but since the poem is meant to be that way, why not the image? I am sorry that you are afraid of snakes. I appreciate you braving the image to read the poem. 😊
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, as I've often said, when it comes to poetry, I wouldn't know a sonnet from sorbet. But this picture and poem combination almost makes me wish I was a frothing, slithering serpent. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Well, as I've often said, when it comes to poetry, I wouldn't know a sonnet from sorbet. But this picture and poem combination almost makes me wish I was a frothing, slithering serpent. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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OMG, this cracked me up! Can I admit that I have that wish as well? 🤣
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Slip-sliding across that luscious babe's belly, knowing she's never seen anything quite as thick and juicy. Just the thought makes my tongue throb and swell; becoming so hard it gets stuck over my eyetooth and, I can't even see what I'm saying. The imaginary world, much better than the real one. Well, unless you're a snake :-)
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Wow. I LOVE it! 🤣
Comment from ESOSTINE
Your poem was beautifully penned. It is rich in imagery that I had to read over and over the get a feeling of the message as I am still an infant mind when it comes to poetry. Thanks for sharing your romantic thought. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Your poem was beautifully penned. It is rich in imagery that I had to read over and over the get a feeling of the message as I am still an infant mind when it comes to poetry. Thanks for sharing your romantic thought. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your review and rating! Poetry--both writing it and understanding it--is a craft like any other and can be learned. I am sure you will do fine as you move forward! 😊
Comment from royowen
There is an excellent display of alliteration and assonance in this fine work, the sheer rhythm in the rhyme has one wanting to sing along with the poem, my original entrance into poetry was being a songwriter and musician, so the art of rhythm doesn't escape, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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There is an excellent display of alliteration and assonance in this fine work, the sheer rhythm in the rhyme has one wanting to sing along with the poem, my original entrance into poetry was being a songwriter and musician, so the art of rhythm doesn't escape, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Hey Roy! Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your comments about the form of the poem. 😊
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Well done