Living On The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Living On The Edge - Chap 10"The blending of good and evil.
19 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Another great chapter. You are doing a marvelous job writing so quickly and still getting it so right. Keep up the good work. You really have me invested in your characters and pulling for the good guys and gals. One change: . . . not your profession(.)"
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Another great chapter. You are doing a marvelous job writing so quickly and still getting it so right. Keep up the good work. You really have me invested in your characters and pulling for the good guys and gals. One change: . . . not your profession(.)"
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Fixed it and thank you.
I appreciate your help and the review.
Smiles, Carol
Running out of steam for the night I think. Got one ready to go and another almost done. At this rate, I might have a story completed in 15 days instead of 30. Oh my!
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I hope Penny was eavesdropping! We need a spy inside the office.
You know I don't like crime thrillers or romance but you create great characters! And you have these childhood friends all having a different calling in life and making us question what makes one good and another turn evil.
He worked for you brother." (your)
Tommy get in her." (here)
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Well, I hope Penny was eavesdropping! We need a spy inside the office.
You know I don't like crime thrillers or romance but you create great characters! And you have these childhood friends all having a different calling in life and making us question what makes one good and another turn evil.
He worked for you brother." (your)
Tommy get in her." (here)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you Helen. That's exactly what was in my mind when I created their childhood brotherhood. They grew up together, but went totally different ways. I'm honored that you are reading and enjoying the story.
Fixed and appreciated.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Julie Helms
Hey Carol!
The plot just keeps on thickening!!
One issue I noticed a number of times in this entry is tags. In the following sentence, Troy is acting as the tag, but Troy's not the one speaking. You need to start a new paragraph to do this:
1."Would you give me a chance to explain?" Troy nodded and Sammy began, "It wasn't drugs. He worked for you brother."
"Would you give me a chance to explain?"
Troy nodded, and Sammy began"....."
2."How do you want your coffee? Cream? Sugar?" She hadn't even noticed he'd set two cups
"How do you want your coffee? Cream? Sugar?"
She hadn't even noticed...
3."You're the guy in the bar, right?" Jake nodded. "Why would you get involved?"
"You're the guy in the bar, right?"
Jake nodded.
"Why would you get involved?"
4."Would you like me to warm your cup?" She shook her head.
"Would you like me to warm your cup?"
She shook her head.
New paragraph for each new speaker, or for a tag directly following a quote that doesn't belong to them. Alternatively, you could do:
"Would you like me to warm your cup?" He asked, and she shook her head.
Other stuff:
Jake grinned, "Why did you?" (Jake grinned. "Why did you?")
Tommy get in her." ( here)
"What? ("What?")
It was engraved with Alyssa." (I would italicize Alyssa since it's the word on the bracelet)
Great job!
Julie
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Hey Carol!
The plot just keeps on thickening!!
One issue I noticed a number of times in this entry is tags. In the following sentence, Troy is acting as the tag, but Troy's not the one speaking. You need to start a new paragraph to do this:
1."Would you give me a chance to explain?" Troy nodded and Sammy began, "It wasn't drugs. He worked for you brother."
"Would you give me a chance to explain?"
Troy nodded, and Sammy began"....."
2."How do you want your coffee? Cream? Sugar?" She hadn't even noticed he'd set two cups
"How do you want your coffee? Cream? Sugar?"
She hadn't even noticed...
3."You're the guy in the bar, right?" Jake nodded. "Why would you get involved?"
"You're the guy in the bar, right?"
Jake nodded.
"Why would you get involved?"
4."Would you like me to warm your cup?" She shook her head.
"Would you like me to warm your cup?"
She shook her head.
New paragraph for each new speaker, or for a tag directly following a quote that doesn't belong to them. Alternatively, you could do:
"Would you like me to warm your cup?" He asked, and she shook her head.
Other stuff:
Jake grinned, "Why did you?" (Jake grinned. "Why did you?")
Tommy get in her." ( here)
"What? ("What?")
It was engraved with Alyssa." (I would italicize Alyssa since it's the word on the bracelet)
Great job!
Julie
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Done ? Done ? Done ? fixed, I hope!
Thanks for pointing everything out and I sincerely appreciate it. I don't think I nominate you yet this month...forgot we jumped into March. I'll check. Great job.
Smiles, Carol
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One thing I did when I accidentally published too early was I quick threw it in my disabled file. Then no one can see it while you work on it. I was like only half way done with it. lol!
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Oh, I thought if yu disabled it, you couldn't use it again. That's nice to know. thanks!
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No, it's possible I've had to do it more than once. :-)
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Thanks...I'll try to remember that.
Comment from royowen
Now that is much better, now i'm getting to know the protagonists from the antagonists, I was thinking the were mostly ants, I forgot your style, well done, establishing who from whom is good, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Now that is much better, now i'm getting to know the protagonists from the antagonists, I was thinking the were mostly ants, I forgot your style, well done, establishing who from whom is good, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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I hoped this chapter would weed things out and let us move forward to trap the bad guys. Glad you enjoyed it.
Smiles, Carol
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Yes, it?s plain now
Comment from Esther Brown
That was the very best so far! No sixes, don't have anymore as you know. Amnesia was an unexpected twist. And the bracelet on the dead woman. You definitely are at the top of my list to win.
Tiny thing....when Richard tells Tommy to get in her needs an e.
Next Chapter please....smiles. Esther
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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That was the very best so far! No sixes, don't have anymore as you know. Amnesia was an unexpected twist. And the bracelet on the dead woman. You definitely are at the top of my list to win.
Tiny thing....when Richard tells Tommy to get in her needs an e.
Next Chapter please....smiles. Esther
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Not a problem. I am thrilled that you enjoyed this chapter and caught the various clues. I tried to recap within Sammy and Troy's conversation so people could get a clear vision of who is who. Thanks so much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
It's a little hard to know who are the good guys and who are bad. The crime boss guys seem to less dangerous than the cops. I'm wondering about the priest. It almost sounds like all they guys were hung out together when they were young.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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It's a little hard to know who are the good guys and who are bad. The crime boss guys seem to less dangerous than the cops. I'm wondering about the priest. It almost sounds like all they guys were hung out together when they were young.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Yes, they did. Four out of the five have matching tattoos. They declared to always have each others back when they were young. They chose different lives. I tried to recap a lot of the story within Sammy's conversation with Troy, hoping it would clear up some things. Thank you so much as always.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Well that will keep them quiet for a while, thinking that Allie is dead. This is quite a set-up, it seems half the police force is dirty! Well, I think I'm caught up now, we just want everyone on the good side to talk to each other a bit more. I am expecting another chapter in the morning my friend!! You are a marvel taking on this challenge! I love the story. Love and hugs Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Well that will keep them quiet for a while, thinking that Allie is dead. This is quite a set-up, it seems half the police force is dirty! Well, I think I'm caught up now, we just want everyone on the good side to talk to each other a bit more. I am expecting another chapter in the morning my friend!! You are a marvel taking on this challenge! I love the story. Love and hugs Sandra xxx
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Yes, half the police force is dirty, but their days are numbered. I'm working on the next chapter. Have to read somemore this afternoon to be able to post. I wish I could raise it more but this posting every day takes too much $$. Oh well, I do my best. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
But we know Alyssa is alive and being protected. I'm glad Jake, I think has Layl. I'm hoping he's a good guy. I really like this story.
Jake raised his eyebrow. "Anyone I know? (Troy not Jake????)
Jake is FBI? He's with the Bureau?" (Missing beginning quotation marks, "Jake...)
Who â?" my clothes? & It probably was for the best, but â?" (Evil Eddie)
Jake was standing next to her, appearing to expect an answer. (standing beside her)
"She â?" she got away."
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reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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But we know Alyssa is alive and being protected. I'm glad Jake, I think has Layl. I'm hoping he's a good guy. I really like this story.
Jake raised his eyebrow. "Anyone I know? (Troy not Jake????)
Jake is FBI? He's with the Bureau?" (Missing beginning quotation marks, "Jake...)
Who â?" my clothes? & It probably was for the best, but â?" (Evil Eddie)
Jake was standing next to her, appearing to expect an answer. (standing beside her)
"She â?" she got away."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Ugh! I hit end preview instead of edit and got flustered out of my mind. I changed and then forgot to save. Shoot me! I'm surprised was even able to write today. Thanks for marking them...It was easier to find so I could once again change it. You are the best! Jake is a good guy... He's an undercover FBI so he's got to be good. Maybe he knows Garth. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from patcelaw
In your profile, you say you are a senior citizen. I would like to congratulate you for your writing skills, I believe that many people who are older, senior citizens, lose their skills for writing, and doing other things just because they don't take the time to sit down and use them I commend you for sitting down and attempting to write a novel in a month. You are moving along very well, and I'm enjoying your story very much. Patric.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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In your profile, you say you are a senior citizen. I would like to congratulate you for your writing skills, I believe that many people who are older, senior citizens, lose their skills for writing, and doing other things just because they don't take the time to sit down and use them I commend you for sitting down and attempting to write a novel in a month. You are moving along very well, and I'm enjoying your story very much. Patric.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Yes, I'm 75 years old and lost my husband almost five years ago. It's been tough and only recently did I start to write again. It's been good therapy. Thank you!
Smiles, Carol
