The Andrea Gail
Death at sea40 total reviews
Comment from jake cosmos aller
A powerful story about a historical tragedy told in traditional verse. well done. I had not heard of this story before - you bring it to life through your powerful verse showing mastery of poetic techniques
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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A powerful story about a historical tragedy told in traditional verse. well done. I had not heard of this story before - you bring it to life through your powerful verse showing mastery of poetic techniques
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Jake. There is a book and a movie about this tragedy. The title of both is "The Perfect Storm".
Comment from Spitfire
You are so gifted in the writing of rhyme. Favorite lines:
But at night in their dreams they hear all the screams/Of the crew of the Andrea Gail.
Where their bones now all ride in the surge of the tide
Your lines capture the horror and fear of that tragedy. I'm going to look for the movie.
Good luck in the contest. This deserves to win first place.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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You are so gifted in the writing of rhyme. Favorite lines:
But at night in their dreams they hear all the screams/Of the crew of the Andrea Gail.
Where their bones now all ride in the surge of the tide
Your lines capture the horror and fear of that tragedy. I'm going to look for the movie.
Good luck in the contest. This deserves to win first place.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Shari. Those are my favorite lines, too. I worked for a commercial fishing company for over forty years.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Paul, this is a beautiful and haunting poem written so beautifully and with a true story within. Being a sailor it's close to my heart, and as I hail from Cape Cod on my father's side it becomes even closer to my heart. It's beautifully written. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Hi Paul, this is a beautiful and haunting poem written so beautifully and with a true story within. Being a sailor it's close to my heart, and as I hail from Cape Cod on my father's side it becomes even closer to my heart. It's beautifully written. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Ulla. Good to hear that you have a Cape Cod connection.
Comment from Michael Cassar
Gloucester is a typical fishermen's village. When i started reading this poem it reminded me of the movie The Perfect Storm. The poem appeals to the readers and invites you to join the crew on the boat. Slowly, the life drama of fishing evolves, and when it reaches its climax, a boat load of catch, the poet introduces the mighty dangerous storm. A challenge to overcome. A fear of mortality captures the crew and their families alike. This incredible human. Drama permanently etched iin. Gloucester's history and its wandering ghost reminds visitors of the sleeping fishermen "entombed in their watery graves." Excellent story, very well know, but skillfully evolved into a sensitive, caring and dramatic poem.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Gloucester is a typical fishermen's village. When i started reading this poem it reminded me of the movie The Perfect Storm. The poem appeals to the readers and invites you to join the crew on the boat. Slowly, the life drama of fishing evolves, and when it reaches its climax, a boat load of catch, the poet introduces the mighty dangerous storm. A challenge to overcome. A fear of mortality captures the crew and their families alike. This incredible human. Drama permanently etched iin. Gloucester's history and its wandering ghost reminds visitors of the sleeping fishermen "entombed in their watery graves." Excellent story, very well know, but skillfully evolved into a sensitive, caring and dramatic poem.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Michael. I was involved with commercial fishing industry for over forty years.
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I come from a little island Malta. We have a fishing village like Gloucester called Marsaxlokk
Comment from bob cullen
This is an amazing write. I thought I recognised the ship's name then I read your notes. I loved that movie, but your poem is even better, and it almost lasted as long. But every line held my interest. I wish I could write poetry this well.
Your rhyme and meter flowed effortlessly as it told of the tragedy.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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This is an amazing write. I thought I recognised the ship's name then I read your notes. I loved that movie, but your poem is even better, and it almost lasted as long. But every line held my interest. I wish I could write poetry this well.
Your rhyme and meter flowed effortlessly as it told of the tragedy.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Bob. I worked in the commercial fishing industry for over forty years.
Comment from nomi338
The ocean is well known as an unforgiving taker of lives. It gives rich rewards to those fortunate enough to catch her when she is in a happy and giving mood. Those unfortunate enough to catch her at a bad time, when she is in the company of her evil friend the angry wind, well many lives will be lost on that occasion. I pray that God will hold to his bosom, all those brave men and women who have been victimized by an angry sea and her companion, the stormy wind.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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The ocean is well known as an unforgiving taker of lives. It gives rich rewards to those fortunate enough to catch her when she is in a happy and giving mood. Those unfortunate enough to catch her at a bad time, when she is in the company of her evil friend the angry wind, well many lives will be lost on that occasion. I pray that God will hold to his bosom, all those brave men and women who have been victimized by an angry sea and her companion, the stormy wind.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks for the review, Nolan. You are right. Have you read my Arctic Rose poem?
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I have not yet, but I promise you that I will right away.
Comment from Brenda Strauser
I enjoyed reading this story. It is well written and very sad at what happened. I particularly don't like being on a boat. I get seasick. Great job on telling rhis story.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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I enjoyed reading this story. It is well written and very sad at what happened. I particularly don't like being on a boat. I get seasick. Great job on telling rhis story.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Brenda. I worked in the commercial fishing industry for over forty years, and I still get seasick. Most of my work was in an office on shore.
Comment from Boogienights
You've done an amazing job of telling this tragic tale. I wonder if you might also write about the Edmund Fitzgerald? I enjoy stories like these, true stories of the sea and the great lakes. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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You've done an amazing job of telling this tragic tale. I wonder if you might also write about the Edmund Fitzgerald? I enjoy stories like these, true stories of the sea and the great lakes. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Boogie. If you like tales like this, take a look at The Sinking of the Arctic Rose in my portfolio - another true story.
Comment from SimianSavant
I've watched that film once or twice, and your excellent poem is a fitting tribute. I really like the sea shanty flow and rhyming schematic you chose, with subtle alliterations.
If I were to make one difficult suggestion, it would be to shorten the falling action by a stanza or two. That's hard when you have so much good material, but I suspect you might end up with a stronger piece. You have 11 stanzas of buildup and 7 of falling action. I figured you might be trying for the effect of a high and low tide feel, and if that's the case, there might be some sort of accompanying visual gradient you could apply to your writing piece if you were to publish it elsewhere.
Below are some technical suggestions:
If you want a story <= how about "seek a story". My best single suggestion to get this piece to pop
By a storm off Cape Cod Bay. <= you could add "off OF" for an extra syllable here
On a trip all those good men did fear. <= "did" as a supporting word is a pet peeve of mine on this site. I don't know what it is, but it just feels a bit flaccid. How about "would"?
Who didn't make his last port of call. <= skip the contraction. "Did not make" will align better with your meter.
Now there's just debris on that cold windswept sea <= missing a syllable for optimal flow. Maybe "there's only debris"
That swordfishing boat did prevail, <= could prevail?
But at night in their dreams they hear all the screams <= excellent
Where their bones now all ride in the surge of the tide <= another killer line!
Now you'll sometimes meet on an old Gloucester street <= it might be worth mentioning in the notes that we pronounce Gloucester as "Gloster" in New England, as it changes the syllable count, and you have it more than once in this poem
That one fateful day did set sail <= they set sail?
This really was a fine effort on your part and, with small tweaks, deserving of a six. Thanks for the read,
Harambe (for President)
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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I've watched that film once or twice, and your excellent poem is a fitting tribute. I really like the sea shanty flow and rhyming schematic you chose, with subtle alliterations.
If I were to make one difficult suggestion, it would be to shorten the falling action by a stanza or two. That's hard when you have so much good material, but I suspect you might end up with a stronger piece. You have 11 stanzas of buildup and 7 of falling action. I figured you might be trying for the effect of a high and low tide feel, and if that's the case, there might be some sort of accompanying visual gradient you could apply to your writing piece if you were to publish it elsewhere.
Below are some technical suggestions:
If you want a story <= how about "seek a story". My best single suggestion to get this piece to pop
By a storm off Cape Cod Bay. <= you could add "off OF" for an extra syllable here
On a trip all those good men did fear. <= "did" as a supporting word is a pet peeve of mine on this site. I don't know what it is, but it just feels a bit flaccid. How about "would"?
Who didn't make his last port of call. <= skip the contraction. "Did not make" will align better with your meter.
Now there's just debris on that cold windswept sea <= missing a syllable for optimal flow. Maybe "there's only debris"
That swordfishing boat did prevail, <= could prevail?
But at night in their dreams they hear all the screams <= excellent
Where their bones now all ride in the surge of the tide <= another killer line!
Now you'll sometimes meet on an old Gloucester street <= it might be worth mentioning in the notes that we pronounce Gloucester as "Gloster" in New England, as it changes the syllable count, and you have it more than once in this poem
That one fateful day did set sail <= they set sail?
This really was a fine effort on your part and, with small tweaks, deserving of a six. Thanks for the read,
Harambe (for President)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Thanks for all those great suggestions. I'm going to take a look.
Comment from Aussie
Brilliant, writing, Paul. You've done yourself proud with this tale of Andrea Gail and the demise of her crew. I can tell you love tales of the sea, I often like to write about it. I wrote about the heroine Grace Darling who saved men off the coast of England. I wish you well in the contest. K xx
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Brilliant, writing, Paul. You've done yourself proud with this tale of Andrea Gail and the demise of her crew. I can tell you love tales of the sea, I often like to write about it. I wrote about the heroine Grace Darling who saved men off the coast of England. I wish you well in the contest. K xx
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Kay. I worked in the commercial fishing business for over forty years.
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I grew up on a river, dad taught me everything about fishing. I loved it. One day I caught a seagull! Tossing my line over my head, it caught the bait! Dad pulled it in slowly (still got bitten) and took the hook out of its mouth. Just one strange happening on our fishing trips. K xx