Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Willing Hearts Chapter 4"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
33 total reviews
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
You are an expert t writing dialogue! I enjoy reading your chapters because they are descriptive, and the characters' feelings and interactions are consistent. Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading it.
Best wishes,
Alex :)
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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You are an expert t writing dialogue! I enjoy reading your chapters because they are descriptive, and the characters' feelings and interactions are consistent. Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading it.
Best wishes,
Alex :)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for this kind review and encouragement.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This has good action, dialogue, pacing, etc.
It was well-written as always. It sounds like Sami is less enthusiastic about helping after being nearly handed over to Chen.
little fixes:
"She's not for sell.
I think you can say 'sale' there.
And also:
Our boss, Chen wants her."
I would put another comma after Chen. That is because you are doing an appositive renaming there. It's some fifth grade or fourth grade grammar rule.
The last thing I will mention, only because I used to be in the Girl Scouts program as a Brownie for about four or five months total maybe 45 years ago, is that you probably want to capitalize Girl Scouts since it is an official organization and not just generic girl scouts looking for treasure on a treasure hunt.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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This has good action, dialogue, pacing, etc.
It was well-written as always. It sounds like Sami is less enthusiastic about helping after being nearly handed over to Chen.
little fixes:
"She's not for sell.
I think you can say 'sale' there.
And also:
Our boss, Chen wants her."
I would put another comma after Chen. That is because you are doing an appositive renaming there. It's some fifth grade or fourth grade grammar rule.
The last thing I will mention, only because I used to be in the Girl Scouts program as a Brownie for about four or five months total maybe 45 years ago, is that you probably want to capitalize Girl Scouts since it is an official organization and not just generic girl scouts looking for treasure on a treasure hunt.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the catches. I appreciate the help and know them just missed up.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"did the love of his life will appear in front of him." Believe the word "will" should be omitted from this line?
Kidnapping young girls and selling them for sex to the highest bidder. Some mighty sicko people in this world. Maybe Noah can keep Sami safe...at least for now.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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"did the love of his life will appear in front of him." Believe the word "will" should be omitted from this line?
Kidnapping young girls and selling them for sex to the highest bidder. Some mighty sicko people in this world. Maybe Noah can keep Sami safe...at least for now.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Sami should be safe while at the safe house, but will Noah be safe from Sami's antics? I will fix that immediately. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from BethShelby
No wonder Sami doesn't trust Noah. He is pretty intense when he is playing the bad guy. I know you've done a lot of research, but is it really that easy for traficers to grab up a girl scout troup at the zoo? It seems there be a lot on the news about it if girls disappeared like that.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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No wonder Sami doesn't trust Noah. He is pretty intense when he is playing the bad guy. I know you've done a lot of research, but is it really that easy for traficers to grab up a girl scout troup at the zoo? It seems there be a lot on the news about it if girls disappeared like that.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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I never went into the news part and am not going to. Just what happened in the background. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gunner Lil
Another excellent chapter written by this author.
A very easy read that has this reader wanting more.
Great flow and pace.
As always very good dialogue and sensory descriptions.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Another excellent chapter written by this author.
A very easy read that has this reader wanting more.
Great flow and pace.
As always very good dialogue and sensory descriptions.
Thank you!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Barbara,
This is an exciting chapter and takes the entire story much further along.
Sami seems to be a brave woman and is also a spitfire. I hope her personality doesn't get in the way of her protection.
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Barbara,
This is an exciting chapter and takes the entire story much further along.
Sami seems to be a brave woman and is also a spitfire. I hope her personality doesn't get in the way of her protection.
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Her personality is going to cause trouble, especially for Noah. Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Sankey
Both this and the previous chapter I had missed are quite dramatic. Sami does not understand Noah's behaviour in order to make the enemy think he is one of their kind. Well done. Noah sounds a bit like Seth in some ways.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Both this and the previous chapter I had missed are quite dramatic. Sami does not understand Noah's behaviour in order to make the enemy think he is one of their kind. Well done. Noah sounds a bit like Seth in some ways.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from nomi338
Whoa, that was a close call. I foresee trouble for Noah if this gut Chen is as dangerous as he seems to be he will not take losing Sami too well. There seems to be no way to avoid bloodshed. I hope that Noah and or Sami do not wind up being victims.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Whoa, that was a close call. I foresee trouble for Noah if this gut Chen is as dangerous as he seems to be he will not take losing Sami too well. There seems to be no way to avoid bloodshed. I hope that Noah and or Sami do not wind up being victims.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Ben Colder
Strange you should write a story about this. One needs to read the character list before diving into this read. I got confused for a moment but your notes helped, Good one Barb.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Strange you should write a story about this. One needs to read the character list before diving into this read. I got confused for a moment but your notes helped, Good one Barb.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Wendy G
Sami is quite naive but she will learn the hard way not to get in the way of law enforcement. They need her to be out of the way so they don't have to keep rescuing her, as well as finding the other girls. Very dramatic chapter.
Well written.
Wendy
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Sami is quite naive but she will learn the hard way not to get in the way of law enforcement. They need her to be out of the way so they don't have to keep rescuing her, as well as finding the other girls. Very dramatic chapter.
Well written.
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the kind review and support.