The Broken Pact
Rhyming Poem contest41 total reviews
Comment from Paul McFarland
This is a really good story in poetic form, Ron. Rhyme and meter are right on.
The vengeance that is in his heart
Will seek and find that raven crest.
On them, he'll ply his deadly art.
Until that time, he will not rest.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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This is a really good story in poetic form, Ron. Rhyme and meter are right on.
The vengeance that is in his heart
Will seek and find that raven crest.
On them, he'll ply his deadly art.
Until that time, he will not rest.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Ha, I was going to have the 'he won't stop nor rest' in the next to last line but went with vows instead. Sounds like a great beginning to the next tale though. Thank you for the poetic review and generous stars, Paul. I'm glad you liked the piece, friend.
Ron
Comment from kiwisteveh
Great rhyme and meter in this tale of the ravaged village and promised revenge. It could obviously lead to a sequel if you have the stomach for it. I have written something similar a few years ago called The Duke of Vanterelle. Here are the first few stanzas...
When the sunlight fades to its twilight shades
And the darkness closes in,
When the fox and owl start their midnight prowl,
Why 'tis then man turns to sin.
For the fearful weep when the shadows creep
And the devil lies in wait
For the tortured soul, and he takes his toll
On the lowly and the great.
'Twas on such a night that I first caught sight
Of a monster born in Hell.
Through the dark he came and he bore the name
Of the Duke of Vanterelle.
On his jet-black steed he rode with speed
And he howled an awful shriek.
In the village near, they prayed in fear
'Twas some other prey he'd seek.
Steve
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Great rhyme and meter in this tale of the ravaged village and promised revenge. It could obviously lead to a sequel if you have the stomach for it. I have written something similar a few years ago called The Duke of Vanterelle. Here are the first few stanzas...
When the sunlight fades to its twilight shades
And the darkness closes in,
When the fox and owl start their midnight prowl,
Why 'tis then man turns to sin.
For the fearful weep when the shadows creep
And the devil lies in wait
For the tortured soul, and he takes his toll
On the lowly and the great.
'Twas on such a night that I first caught sight
Of a monster born in Hell.
Through the dark he came and he bore the name
Of the Duke of Vanterelle.
On his jet-black steed he rode with speed
And he howled an awful shriek.
In the village near, they prayed in fear
'Twas some other prey he'd seek.
Steve
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Awesome, Steve. I'll have to go look it up. Sounds killer. Thank you for the awesome review, my friend. Oh, this is kiddie story time for me. I rarely go full gore because I know these people don't have the stomach for it. Lol. I appreciate the stop in, Steve. Thanks again.
Ron
Comment from Eternal Muse
Brilliant, Ron. It's been a while since I read a poem by you.
A great entry in the rhyming contest (which looks like a winner to me) describing the great savagery of war. You describing its sordid nature and devastation so well in this blood chilling write. Your iambic tetrameter is very well sustained, your imagery and visuals are above par.
I am very impressed. I hope it wins.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Brilliant, Ron. It's been a while since I read a poem by you.
A great entry in the rhyming contest (which looks like a winner to me) describing the great savagery of war. You describing its sordid nature and devastation so well in this blood chilling write. Your iambic tetrameter is very well sustained, your imagery and visuals are above par.
I am very impressed. I hope it wins.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Hey, Yelena, hello. Thank you so much for the kind review and giant sixer. I've been working with this new art program, Blender, and haven't really been doing too much poetry lately. Just the usual shorties for the blind contests here and there. I was in the mood the other day and went searching for some inspiration and once I came across this pic I just had to create something for it. I dearly appreciate the gracious rating and good luck wishes, Y. I'm glad you liked my dark little tale. Have yourself a wonderful day and thank you again.
=]
Ron
Comment from Aussie
The artwork is fantastic. It is said that vengeance is a dish best served cold. Back in those days, no such thing. I really liked your entry for the contest and wish you well. Of course he would reek bloody murder on that tribe for burning down his camp, murdering his kinfolk and his wife. I love this sort of story/poem. Well done. K xx
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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The artwork is fantastic. It is said that vengeance is a dish best served cold. Back in those days, no such thing. I really liked your entry for the contest and wish you well. Of course he would reek bloody murder on that tribe for burning down his camp, murdering his kinfolk and his wife. I love this sort of story/poem. Well done. K xx
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for the awesome review and huge sixer, Kay. Yep, it doesn't happen too often but this time the artwork inspires the piece. I love great artists. I dabble in painting here and there but I couldn't come close to some people out there. I'm giving thought to going on with this one but many won't like the violence that follows. Lol. I really appreciate the generous rating, Kay. Thank you again.
=]
Ron
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I am an artist/ love fine art.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This was very well done, Ron. I found this piece interesting and enjoyable to read. This takes the plunge of the knife into the reader's heart and encourages the most of their best interest I have never heard such a violent yet done-well poetry piece and this deserves all the best of what the readers have to give.
Jesse
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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This was very well done, Ron. I found this piece interesting and enjoyable to read. This takes the plunge of the knife into the reader's heart and encourages the most of their best interest I have never heard such a violent yet done-well poetry piece and this deserves all the best of what the readers have to give.
Jesse
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Jesse. I figured I'd delve into medieval times this go round. Lol. The picture actually inspired this one. I really appreciate the stop in and kind comments, my friend. I hope all is well on your end. Thank you again, J. Have a good one.
Ron
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As long as I can hear the laughs in the crowd, I will be amused!
Take care, my friend!
Jesse
Comment from nomi338
Ooh, you guys are gonna get it! The words match the image perfectly. You have described this action so well, that I can see it being played out as clearly as if I was watching a video of the entire action. I am so invested in the narrator's emotions that I am ready to arm myself and join him in his quest for righteous revenge.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Ooh, you guys are gonna get it! The words match the image perfectly. You have described this action so well, that I can see it being played out as clearly as if I was watching a video of the entire action. I am so invested in the narrator's emotions that I am ready to arm myself and join him in his quest for righteous revenge.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Lol. I'm going to get on that here pretty soon. I didn't really have a plan for continuing this when I wrote it but many folks have hinted. Thank you for the great review, Nomi338. I really appreciate the generous stars, my friend. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have yourself a great day.
Ron
Comment from Faith Williams
A wonderful story told in poetic verse. Some amazing descriptive lines in here:
'I questioned why their blood was spilled
atop the coat of morning's dew.'
'I gaze out on the foggy morn
that blankets thick across the bay.'
It's amazing when a picture inspires a poem or a story, and yours was well told. You could make a series of these story poems.
Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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A wonderful story told in poetic verse. Some amazing descriptive lines in here:
'I questioned why their blood was spilled
atop the coat of morning's dew.'
'I gaze out on the foggy morn
that blankets thick across the bay.'
It's amazing when a picture inspires a poem or a story, and yours was well told. You could make a series of these story poems.
Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review and giant sixer, Faith. I always try to do that, make my story/poems be artistic as well as tell the story. A few folks have mentioned they're wanting me to continue this so I'll be giving that some thought. I dearly appreciate the kind rating, Faith. Thank you again.
=]
Ron
Comment from Ulla
This could remind of a few massacre over the centuries, but one stands out. The massacre at Glen Coe, Scotland where the McDonalds were butchered on the order of King James of England. Good luck, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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This could remind of a few massacre over the centuries, but one stands out. The massacre at Glen Coe, Scotland where the McDonalds were butchered on the order of King James of England. Good luck, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review, Ulla. Yes, I'm sure there were many like this along the way. Man's thrived for power from the beginning. I really appreciate the generous stars, U. Thank you again.
=]
Ron
Comment from Frank Malley
Dear DragonSkulls, I tried a rewrite of your poem and hopefully shared some credit with you, as the originator. I posted it on my page where you can read it, and I hope to read your reactions. The rewrite was challenging and took me hours! Be well. Frank
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Dear DragonSkulls, I tried a rewrite of your poem and hopefully shared some credit with you, as the originator. I posted it on my page where you can read it, and I hope to read your reactions. The rewrite was challenging and took me hours! Be well. Frank
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Thanks for the great review, Frank. I'd love to read your rewrite of the piece. I'm always looking for improvement. Please let me know when you do and I'll be sure to check it out. Have yourself a great day.
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It's a bit of work but I'll try to get to it. Be well! Frank
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Graphic. Has me recall Braveheart, where Wwilliam Wallace, played by Mel Gibson, took revenge against King Edward Longshanks, I think. Peculiar how a simple word, phrase or photo can have another put words to paper.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Graphic. Has me recall Braveheart, where Wwilliam Wallace, played by Mel Gibson, took revenge against King Edward Longshanks, I think. Peculiar how a simple word, phrase or photo can have another put words to paper.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2023
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Lol. Yeah, I guess it is a little Bravehearty. I may have to think about that if I go for a second half. Haha. Thank you for the great review and stars, Tom. Yes, I love how just simple things can inspire us. Have yourself a great Easter, friend.
Ron
