The Challenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 3"Young Man Has Doubts About Becoming a Priest
31 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
What a thing! This is mind-boggling to my sheltered existence that a gang of young girls would launch themselves on a young man this way. I suppose it could happen. And I keep thinking of the poor boy! He was used - a complaint women often have when sex occurs outside of a relationship. I think you did a great job contrasting the Marcia and the Barbara personalities. At least, Marcia looked into his eyes and thought about his reactions. I wonder if this incident affected Phillip's own view of his sexuality. I guess you will reveal more of that soon. Great job!
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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What a thing! This is mind-boggling to my sheltered existence that a gang of young girls would launch themselves on a young man this way. I suppose it could happen. And I keep thinking of the poor boy! He was used - a complaint women often have when sex occurs outside of a relationship. I think you did a great job contrasting the Marcia and the Barbara personalities. At least, Marcia looked into his eyes and thought about his reactions. I wonder if this incident affected Phillip's own view of his sexuality. I guess you will reveal more of that soon. Great job!
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Helen, I'm so pleased to read this and, as usual, dug deeper than the surface. Yes, much more is to be revealed next time.
Comment from royowen
Boy! It would be "hard" for Philip considering his vows as a priest, (however the apostle Paul never recommended celibacy in the Bible, in fact the opposite, he said to marry if one is lusting, it would have saved a lot of scandal today) this is a great perspective, and probably thought of but not necessarily played out. An excellent concept for a play scrip Jay, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Boy! It would be "hard" for Philip considering his vows as a priest, (however the apostle Paul never recommended celibacy in the Bible, in fact the opposite, he said to marry if one is lusting, it would have saved a lot of scandal today) this is a great perspective, and probably thought of but not necessarily played out. An excellent concept for a play scrip Jay, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Roy. No, purely imagination. If I had been successful with seven girls in high school, I probably wouldn't be spending so much time writing about it now. Thank you, my friend.
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I understand the marvellous fantasy, but then don?t all red blooded males?
Comment from GregoryCody
You have a cool way with your dialogue. It's very smooth. Very believable. It PULLS the reader in immediately with characters you can relate to, in that they feel Real.
I really like the way you worded this.
My lie forced us into an uneasy allegiance to our guilt. A kind of secret society. My lie closed the circuit.
And this
I would feel it go off against my belly ...
The story moves along really well. I like Marcia when you write her in.
Hey could I ask you something?
What does (beat) mean?
And do I need quotations in dialogue? With prose or narrative essays?
Is Great you got me into this.
THANK YOU JAY.
LOVE THIS. WELL DESERVED.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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You have a cool way with your dialogue. It's very smooth. Very believable. It PULLS the reader in immediately with characters you can relate to, in that they feel Real.
I really like the way you worded this.
My lie forced us into an uneasy allegiance to our guilt. A kind of secret society. My lie closed the circuit.
And this
I would feel it go off against my belly ...
The story moves along really well. I like Marcia when you write her in.
Hey could I ask you something?
What does (beat) mean?
And do I need quotations in dialogue? With prose or narrative essays?
Is Great you got me into this.
THANK YOU JAY.
LOVE THIS. WELL DESERVED.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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First of all, thanks for the honor of a 6-star rating, Gregory. It is most appreciated!
The best way to describe "beat" is that it's kind of like a new paragraph in prose. It signals some sort of change in the character.
There is no hard and fast rule about using quotes in prose or narrative essay dialogue. I've read whole novels that never used them. And, to me it gives the page a cleaner look. Some writers, particularly Brits, tend to use the Em-dash before any piece of dialogue without using quotes. An alert reader can usually tell, though, when it's a device used by a writer that says, "Hey, look at me." Of course, there's no reason to use quotes in a play, unless the character is quoting someone else.
Jay
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Hmm that makes sense. I've just been doing a new line break for dialogue. I'll have to ask you next time if I do if right.
And thank you for the help. Really. People like you are why I'm here my friend.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Really well done as they try to agree on what they thought happened seven years earlier and yet it doesn't seem completely clear still. Looking forward to next interview.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Really well done as they try to agree on what they thought happened seven years earlier and yet it doesn't seem completely clear still. Looking forward to next interview.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Carol. It's always good to see your review on my queue. Often when you think things should have been clarified, they just get muddier in a different direction.
Comment from Spitfire
To have a guy lose an erection when you jump on him-- that would be devastating to a girl's ego. At least that's how I would look at him. Again--great buildup of suspense.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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To have a guy lose an erection when you jump on him-- that would be devastating to a girl's ego. At least that's how I would look at him. Again--great buildup of suspense.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Shari. I appreciate your reading this and especially the extra special 6-star reward. Yeah, if a guy hasn't got that, he can't perform and the girl can think she's the reason. It's complicated.
Comment from Father Flaps
Wow! Is Phillip gay? Does he have a thing going with Arthur DelaTurie? ...just wondering~
You forced me to place myself in Marcia's bed, waking up to "The Magnificent Seven"! I don't know how I'd react in the same situation. But if I was truthful, I think I'd be shocked, intimidated, embarrassed, overwhelmed, and possibly frozen in terror. Then, after the girls had all retreated to their sleeping bags and blankets, I'd probably whisper from the door... "Pick straws, and come back in, one at a time!" I mean, an opportunity like that comes once in a lifetime. And, likely, not even then!
I've lived a pretty dull life, Jay. It's sad to admit.
Terrific play!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Wow! Is Phillip gay? Does he have a thing going with Arthur DelaTurie? ...just wondering~
You forced me to place myself in Marcia's bed, waking up to "The Magnificent Seven"! I don't know how I'd react in the same situation. But if I was truthful, I think I'd be shocked, intimidated, embarrassed, overwhelmed, and possibly frozen in terror. Then, after the girls had all retreated to their sleeping bags and blankets, I'd probably whisper from the door... "Pick straws, and come back in, one at a time!" I mean, an opportunity like that comes once in a lifetime. And, likely, not even then!
I've lived a pretty dull life, Jay. It's sad to admit.
Terrific play!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Take if from someone who has to write about an attempted seven-girl gang-banging, you weren't the only one who lived a dull life. LOL, thanks, Kimbob, for reading. You over-rewarded me, as usual.
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Oh, no, I didn't. You're a great writer, Jay!
Comment from prettybluebirds
This was certainly an interesting read. So, what exactly did happen? I'm not too sure I figured it out. It is a nicely written script and the descriptions are vivid and make a clear science in the readers mind.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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This was certainly an interesting read. So, what exactly did happen? I'm not too sure I figured it out. It is a nicely written script and the descriptions are vivid and make a clear science in the readers mind.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Well, I guess from one standpoint, nothing happened. But things seemed to keep happening in their minds all those years later. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an interesting scene, Jay. It seems to delve deep into the psyche of these girls and Philip. It sure grabbed my attention, and leaves me wondering just what did go on. Great work.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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This is an interesting scene, Jay. It seems to delve deep into the psyche of these girls and Philip. It sure grabbed my attention, and leaves me wondering just what did go on. Great work.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Judy. I'm happy you enjoyed reading this. The next chapter will clear up some of it, but perhaps muddy other areas.
Comment from RGstar
I so much enjoyed the last post Jay, needless to say this carried on where the other left off.
Every angle covered, it is like stereo where one is used to mono for scripts. It opens the door and sets the bar higher...so is quality attained.
Good work.
Have good weekend.
Best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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I so much enjoyed the last post Jay, needless to say this carried on where the other left off.
Every angle covered, it is like stereo where one is used to mono for scripts. It opens the door and sets the bar higher...so is quality attained.
Good work.
Have good weekend.
Best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Oh, you know how to put a festive cap on the evening with this review, RG. Thank you so very much.
Comment from amahra
Another great chapter, Jay. I love the 50s, and life was so innocent back then. Today, their dilemma would come under the heading of "Much to do About Nothing". Anyway, I loved the chapter. Just one thing below: I don't like to mess with dialogue, however, using [explain] three times makes Barbara's dialogue sound a bit unrealistic.
BARBARA:
Let him [explain]. It's obvious he wants to [explain.] I think he needs to [explain.] Isn't that right, Phillip?
How about this: Let him explain it. It's obvious he wants to. I think he needs to explain. Isn't that right, Phillip?
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Another great chapter, Jay. I love the 50s, and life was so innocent back then. Today, their dilemma would come under the heading of "Much to do About Nothing". Anyway, I loved the chapter. Just one thing below: I don't like to mess with dialogue, however, using [explain] three times makes Barbara's dialogue sound a bit unrealistic.
BARBARA:
Let him [explain]. It's obvious he wants to [explain.] I think he needs to [explain.] Isn't that right, Phillip?
How about this: Let him explain it. It's obvious he wants to. I think he needs to explain. Isn't that right, Phillip?
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Amahra. Maybe three explains over explains. I did it with my eyes wide open. I wanted the repetition, but maybe just keep the first and last. I'll have to give that more thought. But it is a cogent point.