The Library Book Drop
a rhyming poem in 6/5/6/5134 total reviews
Comment from JB Lynn
Are elephants roaming
the African plains
now giving the book drop
severe tummy pains?
-Love,love,love this! Not only because your always flawless rhythm shines, but because the image feels fresh and unexpected and is chock full of the ring of innocence. Children have such a magical opinion of how the world works.
One minor thing, and forgive my ignorance of poetry formats, so this might not work, but here goes:
'bout what I will plop
-This line, specifically the word "plop" stuck a little for me. It felt a little forced and broke me out of the magic of the poem. I get that you need this line to rhyme with the last line, so I offer this humble suggestion:
I bet they all worry
'bout what I will [drop]
to add to the mix of
the library [slop].
Again, if you need the phrase "the library drop" to remain as-is for the form of the poetry, leave it along. Your work is just fine as is. However, when I re-read this poem, I couldn't help but get an image of this giant pot of stew being formed out of all the books dropped in the slot. So...I came up with the word "slop" which feels entirely appropriate for children's poetry.
This was a blast to read and I intend to print this one out and hang it by my writing desk. (Oh, I also shared it with the librarian here, and she got a big kick out of it!)
Thanks for sharing! :)
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Are elephants roaming
the African plains
now giving the book drop
severe tummy pains?
-Love,love,love this! Not only because your always flawless rhythm shines, but because the image feels fresh and unexpected and is chock full of the ring of innocence. Children have such a magical opinion of how the world works.
One minor thing, and forgive my ignorance of poetry formats, so this might not work, but here goes:
'bout what I will plop
-This line, specifically the word "plop" stuck a little for me. It felt a little forced and broke me out of the magic of the poem. I get that you need this line to rhyme with the last line, so I offer this humble suggestion:
I bet they all worry
'bout what I will [drop]
to add to the mix of
the library [slop].
Again, if you need the phrase "the library drop" to remain as-is for the form of the poetry, leave it along. Your work is just fine as is. However, when I re-read this poem, I couldn't help but get an image of this giant pot of stew being formed out of all the books dropped in the slot. So...I came up with the word "slop" which feels entirely appropriate for children's poetry.
This was a blast to read and I intend to print this one out and hang it by my writing desk. (Oh, I also shared it with the librarian here, and she got a big kick out of it!)
Thanks for sharing! :)
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, JB, for your generous sixth star and thoughtful feedback. I'm thrilled the librarian enjoyed this :-) I actually like plop as I think of Sawyer standing on his tippy toes and plopping books into the slot :-) Brooke
Comment from ElegantButler
Ah yes. The Book Drop The place where stories end... until they magically appear back on the shelves to take others, young and old, on grand adventures.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Ah yes. The Book Drop The place where stories end... until they magically appear back on the shelves to take others, young and old, on grand adventures.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Elegant Butler, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is a cute children's poem Brooke. You spoke of so many things that he has read and dropped to be gobbled up by the book drop.
Teresa
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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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This is a cute children's poem Brooke. You spoke of so many things that he has read and dropped to be gobbled up by the book drop.
Teresa
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Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Teresa, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Domino 2
It looks like Sawyer just managed it, Brooke. :-)
I hope he doesn't 'plop' anything particularly smelly in there.
Excellent take on the Library drop 'eating all these stories.
Great imagination and top fun top read.
Sorry, nom suggs for improvement. :-)
Cheers, Ray.
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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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It looks like Sawyer just managed it, Brooke. :-)
I hope he doesn't 'plop' anything particularly smelly in there.
Excellent take on the Library drop 'eating all these stories.
Great imagination and top fun top read.
Sorry, nom suggs for improvement. :-)
Cheers, Ray.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
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Ray, thank you, my friend - can you believe he has his very own library card with his name on it? He is so proud :-) and yes, on tippy toes he barely reaches LOL Brooke
