To Catch A Breeze
3-5-3 Air13 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
With the upmost respect, mystery writer, I find the dramatic presentation with its highlighted words and, IMO, unnecessary starry thingies, somewhat 'shouted' and 'in my face', - especially for a short poem where the words should be enough alone to create the message and allow the reader to interpret - also without the need for explanatory notes.
However, that's just my personal opinion and doesn't mean much, and I did find the content and message very thought-provoking and strong - a sign of excellent writing.
I hope I have the time and thoughts for 'faith' when my time comes, especially if not in too much pain or despair...though getting instantly splattered and sent on one's way (especially when one doesn't see it coming LOL) by a ten-ton truck ain't a bad way to go. :-)
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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With the upmost respect, mystery writer, I find the dramatic presentation with its highlighted words and, IMO, unnecessary starry thingies, somewhat 'shouted' and 'in my face', - especially for a short poem where the words should be enough alone to create the message and allow the reader to interpret - also without the need for explanatory notes.
However, that's just my personal opinion and doesn't mean much, and I did find the content and message very thought-provoking and strong - a sign of excellent writing.
I hope I have the time and thoughts for 'faith' when my time comes, especially if not in too much pain or despair...though getting instantly splattered and sent on one's way (especially when one doesn't see it coming LOL) by a ten-ton truck ain't a bad way to go. :-)
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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I tend to agree in principal to what you're saying. I am as pissed as anyone else when a picture of a puppy with meaningless words attached wins a prompt! On the other hand, there is a lot of voters here voting on that basis. So, I don't trust that they will get the words alone. That is why I add the notes and make it glaring. I admit too, I kind of like it Elvis on black velvet though. Hahaha. The problem with relying on the words themselves is that half the people that vote don't get understand them. Thank God none of them are reading this! Good points. Hopefully if you get hit by a truck your faith is already in place!! Or you remember to say, "I'm sorry!" while you're still in the air.
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Thanks for the great fun reply.
I ABSOLUTELY agree with your analysis of come winning crap, and also of the 'less thoughtful readers'...Gawd bless 'em. LOL
By the way, EVEYONE on here reads my reviews and replies, LOL, so I see you taking a tumble in the popularity ratings - so come and join me there.
Cheers, Ray
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Hey, popularity is for sissies!!!
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Oh...I'll say 'sorry' in advance, just to be on the safe side. Haha.
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Don't kid a kidder - we ALL like to be popular to a degree - well, those of us with some sensitivity, and being a poet, you must possess that attribute.
Comment from mfowler
Air, wind is such an amzing metaphor to use when speaking of faith...go no further than Pentecost and you see my meaning. Here, you've cleverly evoked hope-faith-faith, a trinity of qualities associated with the coming of the spirit. Nice work. Good Luck.
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Air, wind is such an amzing metaphor to use when speaking of faith...go no further than Pentecost and you see my meaning. Here, you've cleverly evoked hope-faith-faith, a trinity of qualities associated with the coming of the spirit. Nice work. Good Luck.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in contest
your syllable count spot on
your few words in three lines portrays hope, love and faith
found in one's life
good visual
Cheers Smoothiecool
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good luck in contest
your syllable count spot on
your few words in three lines portrays hope, love and faith
found in one's life
good visual
Cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Like the first breath -- last breath gig. The zephyr has caught the umbrella. So it is about air for certain. Meets the parameters of the contest. Nice poem. Count your doubloon, Mai Ke Er do loco, Gu Guai
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Like the first breath -- last breath gig. The zephyr has caught the umbrella. So it is about air for certain. Meets the parameters of the contest. Nice poem. Count your doubloon, Mai Ke Er do loco, Gu Guai
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from Acquired Taste
Your author notes are simply lovely, but your 3-5-3 is terrific. You've used air in each line and beautifully explained, in ten words, pretty much the meaning of life. Your choice of photo is lovely. My best wishes for great luck in the contest. Regards, AT=/
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Your author notes are simply lovely, but your 3-5-3 is terrific. You've used air in each line and beautifully explained, in ten words, pretty much the meaning of life. Your choice of photo is lovely. My best wishes for great luck in the contest. Regards, AT=/
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
I cannot believe the amount of depth in this little piece. You have really taken this prompt to a different level. Your notes are very enlightening as well. Has my vote. NG
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I cannot believe the amount of depth in this little piece. You have really taken this prompt to a different level. Your notes are very enlightening as well. Has my vote. NG
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from rrabinow
Wonderfully written poem for this prompt. I think my favorite line is then soar, seeking love. I love that your poem is so positive. Great formate. Best of luck.
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Wonderfully written poem for this prompt. I think my favorite line is then soar, seeking love. I love that your poem is so positive. Great formate. Best of luck.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from skye
first breath- hope
then soar, seeking love
last breath- faith
You poem ties birth and death with earth life... all in the space of a few breaths. Excellent.
Terrific artwork and great imagery.
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first breath- hope
then soar, seeking love
last breath- faith
You poem ties birth and death with earth life... all in the space of a few breaths. Excellent.
Terrific artwork and great imagery.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What an interesting take on the prompt. I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for the author's notes, too. They add more depth to your poem. I would change nothing. Good job and good luck with the contest.
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What an interesting take on the prompt. I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for the author's notes, too. They add more depth to your poem. I would change nothing. Good job and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
Comment from adewpearl
Lovely presentation of your poem
which is in excellent 3/5/3 syllable count
I like the stages of life and how you focus on the type of breath in each stage, progressing from hope to seeking love to faith
a thoughtful interpretation of the "air" theme
nice alliteration in soar, seeking
Brooke
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Lovely presentation of your poem
which is in excellent 3/5/3 syllable count
I like the stages of life and how you focus on the type of breath in each stage, progressing from hope to seeking love to faith
a thoughtful interpretation of the "air" theme
nice alliteration in soar, seeking
Brooke
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014