Dark River
Life moving toward eternity4 total reviews
Comment from rebbeekkahh
love so much what you have written...there is much depth to your poem that widens the soul....even though the rhyme is your own it flows beautiful!! and yes we all share the end to start again!!! love poems that make you feel!!! :) you have done a great job writing this one!! :)
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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love so much what you have written...there is much depth to your poem that widens the soul....even though the rhyme is your own it flows beautiful!! and yes we all share the end to start again!!! love poems that make you feel!!! :) you have done a great job writing this one!! :)
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Thank you so much for your review and your understanding of it.
Comment from jshep
I really like your poem and it has some nice flow. I do believe, though, that it was not really spiritual in nature or you did not bring it together enough for it to feel that way. I would suggest some rewriting to use less words with the 'ing' ending. You had a lovely metaphor with the use of the river and life and I feel this poem has some very good potential. Best of luck. j
second review: It had nothing to do with using the word or other words for God. Spiritual is a feeling that comes with the words when you read something and I did not get that from your poem. I am sorry, but was trying to be honest. I did mention with some work this poem could be on the mark and said the metaphor was lovely. Example of working a bit more on the poem: such as using 'without a moon or light' and then repeating in second stanza that the It becomes to literal and the metaphor got lost for me there. This is all a personal review and I could be quite off in my thinking. Just purely suggestions in offering a constructive critique. It is your poem and if you feel it works for you than that is fine. j
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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I really like your poem and it has some nice flow. I do believe, though, that it was not really spiritual in nature or you did not bring it together enough for it to feel that way. I would suggest some rewriting to use less words with the 'ing' ending. You had a lovely metaphor with the use of the river and life and I feel this poem has some very good potential. Best of luck. j
second review: It had nothing to do with using the word or other words for God. Spiritual is a feeling that comes with the words when you read something and I did not get that from your poem. I am sorry, but was trying to be honest. I did mention with some work this poem could be on the mark and said the metaphor was lovely. Example of working a bit more on the poem: such as using 'without a moon or light' and then repeating in second stanza that the It becomes to literal and the metaphor got lost for me there. This is all a personal review and I could be quite off in my thinking. Just purely suggestions in offering a constructive critique. It is your poem and if you feel it works for you than that is fine. j
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Thank you for your review and for your good wishes. are you thinking the the poem is not really spiritual because it does not use the words
Thank you for your review and your good wishes. Can you clarify why you think the poem is not Spiritual? Is it because it does not use the words "God", "heaven", "Jesus", "paradise" or related words?
Comment from michaelcahill
A most wonderful and thought provoking piece. Thinking about the depth of meaning here is a requirement for its enjoyment so, as a contest entry a piece like this often doesn't do well. But, that doesn't change the extraordinary quality of the piece or the excellence of the work. I hope that a suitable number of clear thinking minds will recognize this excellent work and vote accordingly. best of luck. well done, mikey
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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A most wonderful and thought provoking piece. Thinking about the depth of meaning here is a requirement for its enjoyment so, as a contest entry a piece like this often doesn't do well. But, that doesn't change the extraordinary quality of the piece or the excellence of the work. I hope that a suitable number of clear thinking minds will recognize this excellent work and vote accordingly. best of luck. well done, mikey
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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Thank you for reading and understanding my poem.
Finding one to understand is so much more important than "winning" a contest.
Comment from Charlene0513
I beg to differ if this is a faith poem as there is not one inspirational word that refers to God at all. And it is not rhymed as requested.
I sounds more like a flowing free verse poem and yet with good fluency.
Charlene
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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I beg to differ if this is a faith poem as there is not one inspirational word that refers to God at all. And it is not rhymed as requested.
I sounds more like a flowing free verse poem and yet with good fluency.
Charlene
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and comment