Hues of Life
Viewing comments for Prologue "Senryu(venom took his life)"Senryu Collection
75 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This is superb. I especially like the use of this phrase: I Kohled eyes. You create quite eerie imagery with this one. EXcellent work. I wish I had a 6 to give you for this one but I am out.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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This is superb. I especially like the use of this phrase: I Kohled eyes. You create quite eerie imagery with this one. EXcellent work. I wish I had a 6 to give you for this one but I am out.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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I am glad you liked it so much.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from in777wr#
This was well written. This Senryu flowed well and the message was clear. The Black Widow spider is something else. I liked very much how you closed this poem. The Black Widow looking for a new prey kind of sends chills. Well written.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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This was well written. This Senryu flowed well and the message was clear. The Black Widow spider is something else. I liked very much how you closed this poem. The Black Widow looking for a new prey kind of sends chills. Well written.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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You made my day!!I am glad you liked it so much.Thanks for your kind words and exceptional review:)
Comment from Domino 2
This is an excellent senryu, though I think open to slight improvement.
Maybe 'seeks' instead of 'search', as this also adds an internal rhyme with 'weeps' (allowed in senryu), and I think is a more powerful word.
Excellent!
Cheers, Ted
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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This is an excellent senryu, though I think open to slight improvement.
Maybe 'seeks' instead of 'search', as this also adds an internal rhyme with 'weeps' (allowed in senryu), and I think is a more powerful word.
Excellent!
Cheers, Ted
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Your suggestion is really good:).I am glad you liked it.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from Julia.
An interesting senryu, to say the least. I really like the first two lines, but I'm a bit mystified by the last. The last line seems to indicate that the "black widow" regrets her actions, and yet the two most common connotations for a black widow--the spider and a woman who kills her husbands for money--do not include a regretful villainess.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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An interesting senryu, to say the least. I really like the first two lines, but I'm a bit mystified by the last. The last line seems to indicate that the "black widow" regrets her actions, and yet the two most common connotations for a black widow--the spider and a woman who kills her husbands for money--do not include a regretful villainess.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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She is crying so as to gain sympathy and find her new prey.Thanks for your positive feedback:)
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, you are very good at these! I am a fan of 'dark', and this small poem says so much, is so powerful in senryu form - VERY EVOCATIVE! Just loved it!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Oh, you are very good at these! I am a fan of 'dark', and this small poem says so much, is so powerful in senryu form - VERY EVOCATIVE! Just loved it!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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I am glad you liked it.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
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My pleasure.
Comment from Eternal Muse
This was a stunning senryu - and what a scary eeerie image it concocts. "Black widow weeps" - a magnificent satori chosen for this poem. You prove, once again, Basho's adage of "brevity that excludes extraneous" when applied to Japanese forms.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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This was a stunning senryu - and what a scary eeerie image it concocts. "Black widow weeps" - a magnificent satori chosen for this poem. You prove, once again, Basho's adage of "brevity that excludes extraneous" when applied to Japanese forms.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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I am glad you liked it so much.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from barkingdog
Your senryu is quite profound. The black widow could be a woman in black or a venomus spider. Either could be looking for new prey(a victim, a husband).
I really liked this.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Your senryu is quite profound. The black widow could be a woman in black or a venomus spider. Either could be looking for new prey(a victim, a husband).
I really liked this.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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I am glad you liked it.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from 9999pool
If this widow marry her man for the money, then the black widow will weep false tears equating to joy of the inheritance. there are those that marry for fame or fortune. In either category, there are evil stigmas attached to it.Beware who we marry and don't make that fatal mistake. insurance death benefits can be the cause of this phenomena. it can also be a woman out in revenge against men who have badly hurt her in the past. Just be careful as the motives are not important - our caution will tell us how to act!
Good write and well expressed.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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If this widow marry her man for the money, then the black widow will weep false tears equating to joy of the inheritance. there are those that marry for fame or fortune. In either category, there are evil stigmas attached to it.Beware who we marry and don't make that fatal mistake. insurance death benefits can be the cause of this phenomena. it can also be a woman out in revenge against men who have badly hurt her in the past. Just be careful as the motives are not important - our caution will tell us how to act!
Good write and well expressed.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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This is a wonderful review and you guessed it correct.I am glad you liked it.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
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Welcome, Anupam.
Have a great weekend.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :)0
Comment from Ben Colder
It will do it. Good senryu tells a message with warning for all. As usual, you do well in this type poetry. I enjoy your work.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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It will do it. Good senryu tells a message with warning for all. As usual, you do well in this type poetry. I enjoy your work.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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I am glad you liked it.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was a wonderful poem. I loved the phrase Kohled eyes. Nice pull on the under used word of the century. The whole black widow theme was really cool. Nice rhythm and flow. The imagery was perfect.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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This was a wonderful poem. I loved the phrase Kohled eyes. Nice pull on the under used word of the century. The whole black widow theme was really cool. Nice rhythm and flow. The imagery was perfect.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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I am glad you liked it.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)