Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "More About Nathan"A woman is stalked by a fan
16 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Lady Gayle,
Well no one should not think that the paparazzi are unintelligent, money-grubbing opportunists salving a public's voyeuristic itch for stuff that is none of their business.
After all, if people didn't buy the magazines or papers, did not watch the tell-all TV, those guys might have to find a job.
Still, another fine chapter in a cheerfully coping young woman's life.
Wayne
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Lady Gayle,
Well no one should not think that the paparazzi are unintelligent, money-grubbing opportunists salving a public's voyeuristic itch for stuff that is none of their business.
After all, if people didn't buy the magazines or papers, did not watch the tell-all TV, those guys might have to find a job.
Still, another fine chapter in a cheerfully coping young woman's life.
Wayne
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Hey Wayne,
Well, that's the truth. If the people didn't buy their crap, these guys wouldn't exist.
Thanks for the great words, my friend,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
You've taken my breath away with the texture revealed in this apparently talented but disturbed man and his existence. Fantastic job, Gayle. I was there and could feel his . . . disturbed mind.
one who the tabloids believed was on the verge [if==>of] killing herself ...
Hugs and kudos,
Renie
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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You've taken my breath away with the texture revealed in this apparently talented but disturbed man and his existence. Fantastic job, Gayle. I was there and could feel his . . . disturbed mind.
one who the tabloids believed was on the verge [if==>of] killing herself ...
Hugs and kudos,
Renie
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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LOL, Renie, I loved this chapter, too! And a sixer! Bless you, dear, I'm glad you enjoyed. I'll get that 'o' in there. Honest, did you laugh at the end? I have such a macabre sense of humor, I was roaring. Bad Gayle.
Hugs,
Gayle
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Gosh, my computer is acting as sick as I feel.
Anyway, YES I loved your weird sense of humor, you wicked girl.
Renie
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written chapter showing the villian many radical aspects of behavior. Your chapter has very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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This is a well written chapter showing the villian many radical aspects of behavior. Your chapter has very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Hi Charlie,
Hows' it going? So glad to see you again and thanks for the great comments and input.
I really appreciate you,
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gayle. No major problems at the moment. Charlie
Comment from rwilliam
Very exciting chapter!
I LOVE how you are introducing the antagonist. What a great way to do it, paparazzi, split personality. Excellent!
"startling green eyes the color of a sliced lime." Personal note but when I read the color of a lime I get a neon green picture in my mind. Limes don't seem that dark to me ... but just a personal opinion. Could be wrong on this.:-)
I have to say that I really think you need to cut way back on so much description. I find it very hard to read. Here's an example of what it's like ... for me.
I am reading along about Nathan, intrigued by what I am learning. Interested. It's like watching a drama in a movie. Suddenly you get side tracked with so much description about what he sees out the window, and lapping water, that by the time I get through all of that and the pictures on the wall, I have lost the momentum and almost forgot what was happening before all of that.
It's like I am watching a movie and then suddenly I am listening to a designer explain to me why he picked a specific color for the walls and then takes me from room to room showing me other things. I am like WHAT?
You have great bones in your work! You can paint excellent word pictures and the plot is awesome!! You just need to pull yourself back when you want to get sooo into the details that are not important at that moment.
I may be one of the few who is being honest with you about this, I realize, but it's only because i think it will make you a much better author and that is what we all want.
Don't worry you will have your chance very soon to do the same with me. I want it to. I need the perspective of other writers. I hope you know I am not trying to be rude or unkind in anyway!
Sincerely,
Rebecca
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Very exciting chapter!
I LOVE how you are introducing the antagonist. What a great way to do it, paparazzi, split personality. Excellent!
"startling green eyes the color of a sliced lime." Personal note but when I read the color of a lime I get a neon green picture in my mind. Limes don't seem that dark to me ... but just a personal opinion. Could be wrong on this.:-)
I have to say that I really think you need to cut way back on so much description. I find it very hard to read. Here's an example of what it's like ... for me.
I am reading along about Nathan, intrigued by what I am learning. Interested. It's like watching a drama in a movie. Suddenly you get side tracked with so much description about what he sees out the window, and lapping water, that by the time I get through all of that and the pictures on the wall, I have lost the momentum and almost forgot what was happening before all of that.
It's like I am watching a movie and then suddenly I am listening to a designer explain to me why he picked a specific color for the walls and then takes me from room to room showing me other things. I am like WHAT?
You have great bones in your work! You can paint excellent word pictures and the plot is awesome!! You just need to pull yourself back when you want to get sooo into the details that are not important at that moment.
I may be one of the few who is being honest with you about this, I realize, but it's only because i think it will make you a much better author and that is what we all want.
Don't worry you will have your chance very soon to do the same with me. I want it to. I need the perspective of other writers. I hope you know I am not trying to be rude or unkind in anyway!
Sincerely,
Rebecca
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Hi Rebecca
Thanks so much for the review and your honesty. More than anything else I want to be the best I can be so I always take sincere correction/input to heart.
You hit a very salient point and although I do want to 'explain' in no way am I defending. Actually, I could use your help on this. It's in this chapter that I have to 'get Norman out' and still not turn the story too far towards him. I used the photos not only to give you a good feel for Nathan, who is a mild mannered and very shy. He has a past, obviously but we aren't there yet. The Norman side is ugly, nasty and downright dangerous. Evidently he's fairly new to Nathan, maybe came out as a result of them both falling for Cathy. We'll develop that later. Okay, there's the explanation, to clarify the two personalities. So now, what should I do? Just shorten the part about the pictures? I felt it was very important to show that he didn't have a clue what's going on. I have a potential ending that is a scorcher if I can pull it off. 'Course, it's a long way off.
Rebecca, thanks again so much for the time and effort on this review and be sure I will be waiting with baited breath for your comments. Hurry! :)
Hugs,
Gayle ... oh, his eyes are bright green with a fairly wide very dark rim, like the lime rind?
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First ... Hey.
Second THANK YOU for not biting my head off! I have had that happen by some in the past.:-) It shows me that you are truly a writer at heart and want to be the best.I LOVE that about you!!
OK about the eyes, that really helped me the way you described it. MAYBE you could describe it that way in the story? It helped me to "see" it better and I found those eyes arousing! :-)
No, I think keeping the part about the pictures is needed. I am sorry I wasn't more clear. I think it's just the detailed description of other things that took away from it.
The biggest thing that stood out to me was when you were describing the scene out the window. I have surmised that he lives near Cathy and you have done a great job of laying out the area from her point of view. For me I don't need anymore there. May be a personal note okay?!
I embarrassingly have to admit I deleted that story. If you want to re-send it to me I could look at it more closely. Sorry about that.
I guess, look at the plot here in this chapter. You are pulling out Nathan/ Norman here so try to keep as close to that without deferring to much until you are satisfied with what you want to show for that chapter.
You can show the other things but not in the middle of exposing him. My focus is there. I am hanging on every word watching you unfold this guy and I don't want to hear about the scene outside at that moment. You can go back to the window after he's made his rounds through his apartment, etc. Do you get what I am trying to say?
I'll be at my computer off and on today so I will look forward to chatting with you more Gayle.
Comment from Sasha
Your description of Nathan trying to hide his green eyes is very well written. His need to blend is quite obvious. You have done a superb job describing him by your marvelous description of the room and his obvious unfamiliarity of the photographs of Cathy. He is clearly a man with a problem; he may know something is wrong but obviously does not know the depth of it. Too many questions without answers. Very well written chapter that continues to keep me riveted to my chair. Look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Your description of Nathan trying to hide his green eyes is very well written. His need to blend is quite obvious. You have done a superb job describing him by your marvelous description of the room and his obvious unfamiliarity of the photographs of Cathy. He is clearly a man with a problem; he may know something is wrong but obviously does not know the depth of it. Too many questions without answers. Very well written chapter that continues to keep me riveted to my chair. Look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Oh yes, poor Nathan. I think he must walk around doing a lot of muttering. We're going to see a royal struggle here, hope I can deliver.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from ZigzagMLT
This is getting more intriguing by the chapter. Well described character. Very detailed work, and it makes it so real.
Some notes... gazed down
was muted?
they were looking at the work of a talented artist.
melt into crowds?
saw, let alone remembered.
underwater and rendered useless,
his lack of facial recognition seems like his characteristic - as in he cannot recognize faces...
Good job! Hoping the next chapter comes soon!
Zigzagmlt
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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This is getting more intriguing by the chapter. Well described character. Very detailed work, and it makes it so real.
Some notes... gazed down
was muted?
they were looking at the work of a talented artist.
melt into crowds?
saw, let alone remembered.
underwater and rendered useless,
his lack of facial recognition seems like his characteristic - as in he cannot recognize faces...
Good job! Hoping the next chapter comes soon!
Zigzagmlt
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Hey Zig,
Can you give me a bit more info? What do you mean from: gazed down and on? I'm blonde, remember? LOL! Give me a hint so I can fix. Thanks so much for coming by!
Gayle
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Gazed down - needs a "d" - fourth para
Z
Gazed down... needs a d - fourth para... Z
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Grins and thanks!
G
Comment from joelh605
Nathan Stanley sat on his patio and stared into his cup, perplexed. He took his coffee black, had for years, and yet the coffee in his cup contained cream. A slight scum covered the surface, making his stomach roil; his index finger told him the cup was stone cold.
So this is what you meant by introducing your last characters
Ohhh, M G.
Now Bad Bart has depth.
Joel
=-=-=In the background, fearless, and many thought insane surfers poised on their boards,
The commas after "background" and "fearless" should move to follow "and" and "thought" plus a couple of dashes:
In the background fearless - and, many thought, insane - surfers poised on their boards,...
Sorry to just rewrite, but this one was pretty cut-and-dried
Nathan regularly supplied magazines like National Geographic, Windows of the World and West Coast with pictures,
"with pictures" is a bit redundant, isn't it?
At the time in question, they pursued a particular heiress ... one who the tabloids believed
Grammar cops: "whom"
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Nathan Stanley sat on his patio and stared into his cup, perplexed. He took his coffee black, had for years, and yet the coffee in his cup contained cream. A slight scum covered the surface, making his stomach roil; his index finger told him the cup was stone cold.
So this is what you meant by introducing your last characters
Ohhh, M G.
Now Bad Bart has depth.
Joel
=-=-=In the background, fearless, and many thought insane surfers poised on their boards,
The commas after "background" and "fearless" should move to follow "and" and "thought" plus a couple of dashes:
In the background fearless - and, many thought, insane - surfers poised on their boards,...
Sorry to just rewrite, but this one was pretty cut-and-dried
Nathan regularly supplied magazines like National Geographic, Windows of the World and West Coast with pictures,
"with pictures" is a bit redundant, isn't it?
At the time in question, they pursued a particular heiress ... one who the tabloids believed
Grammar cops: "whom"
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Okay! Great catches, Joel. Will implement.
Now, was it me tickling myself into hilarity or was that scene with the heiress just a riot? I know, I know, macbre sense of humor, for sure. But the wording. It just rolled out of the fingertips, I swear. Didn't even know what I wrote until I read it. Then I lost it. I think I need a vacation!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from jayesnb
his index finger told him the (cup) was stone cold... this is just a suggestion but coffee might work better here since you mentioned his index finger telling him i am assuming he piut his finger in the cofee...
Now you've got me changing my predertermined feeling about Nathan..almost feel sorry for the man..it will be interesting to see where you take him..
The narrative in this chapter was a breath of fresh air after all the dialogue in the previous chapters.. I loved the way you told so much about him, without actually saying much about him directly..but instead using the different circumstances he'd been through... great use of imagery here also...
the narrative was concise with no wasted words and moved the story well...
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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his index finger told him the (cup) was stone cold... this is just a suggestion but coffee might work better here since you mentioned his index finger telling him i am assuming he piut his finger in the cofee...
Now you've got me changing my predertermined feeling about Nathan..almost feel sorry for the man..it will be interesting to see where you take him..
The narrative in this chapter was a breath of fresh air after all the dialogue in the previous chapters.. I loved the way you told so much about him, without actually saying much about him directly..but instead using the different circumstances he'd been through... great use of imagery here also...
the narrative was concise with no wasted words and moved the story well...
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Hey Jaye,
So glad you liked this one. Nathan has an interesting side to him and is easy to empathasize with. You'll begin to see more of that as we develop the story.
Thanks!
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
Sounds like Nathan suffers from multiple-personality disorder. This affliction is far more common than was once believed, with estimates varying from one in ten thousand down to one in one thousand. It is triggered in most cases by extreme abuse as a child. The kid says to himself, "This isn't happening to me. It's happening to Joey."
Also, I forgot to mention that it is a shame Suzi couldn't tell Cathy and Rudy where she had been and how she had gotten there. This sounds like a real mystery, and I hope you eventually shed light on it.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read of the tormented Nathan and have one highly technical suggestion:
"He took a sip and nearly spit out the cold scorched liquid." I'd put a comma between "cold"and "scorched." OW, this sentence makes perfect sense. I've drunk plenty of cold, scorched coffee, and it is vile.
Dave
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Gayle,
Sounds like Nathan suffers from multiple-personality disorder. This affliction is far more common than was once believed, with estimates varying from one in ten thousand down to one in one thousand. It is triggered in most cases by extreme abuse as a child. The kid says to himself, "This isn't happening to me. It's happening to Joey."
Also, I forgot to mention that it is a shame Suzi couldn't tell Cathy and Rudy where she had been and how she had gotten there. This sounds like a real mystery, and I hope you eventually shed light on it.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read of the tormented Nathan and have one highly technical suggestion:
"He took a sip and nearly spit out the cold scorched liquid." I'd put a comma between "cold"and "scorched." OW, this sentence makes perfect sense. I've drunk plenty of cold, scorched coffee, and it is vile.
Dave
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Muy yuck for sure, and yes, the comma is needed. You know how I hate those little buggers, Dave, but sometimes, well, I cave!
DID is a protection device children use when their real life is just to horrible to bear. Terrible thought, isn't it? I promise I'll do right by Norman, and wh ile he'll still be a creep, maybe we can come to understand why.
Thanks for the great review, my friend!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Readywriter52
Nathan Stanley in this chapter seems confused. He seems shy and reclusive. He observes life through his camera but doesn't take part in it. He is nervous when he is noticed.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Nathan Stanley in this chapter seems confused. He seems shy and reclusive. He observes life through his camera but doesn't take part in it. He is nervous when he is noticed.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Hey Ready,
Thanks for the great review!
Gayle