Grandpa's House
Memories of grandpa's house13 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
Excellent, and I will call you smart, " Were the bones old Joe" should this be
(bones of old Joe...) what a wonderful read, I don't often read such stories, but I was intrigued from the start, your descriptions from the beginning of this story and your thoughts throughout are wonderful, loved the read, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Excellent, and I will call you smart, " Were the bones old Joe" should this be
(bones of old Joe...) what a wonderful read, I don't often read such stories, but I was intrigued from the start, your descriptions from the beginning of this story and your thoughts throughout are wonderful, loved the read, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Kahpot,
Thank you for the kind review. I will take your suggestions and change the sentence. Grandpa's house was a trip. I wish he would have lived longer so I could have gotten some information on old Joe.
Cecilia
Comment from Douglas Goff
Ouija was an interesting element. I do not like them.
Goodness your grandpa had some skeletons in his closet (sorry, couldn't help myself.)
The world got a little darker once all my grandparents had passed. Made me think of them.
Thanks
D
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Ouija was an interesting element. I do not like them.
Goodness your grandpa had some skeletons in his closet (sorry, couldn't help myself.)
The world got a little darker once all my grandparents had passed. Made me think of them.
Thanks
D
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Douglas,
Yes, Grandpa did have skeletons in his closet and he took those to the grave with him.
Thank you for the kind review.
Cecilia
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow, what a spooky piece! The way you paint the atmosphere around your grandpa's house had me hooked from start to finish. I thought you did a greast job of bringing each scene to life so naturally. I felt like I was right there in that house with you. What a treat to read!
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Wow, what a spooky piece! The way you paint the atmosphere around your grandpa's house had me hooked from start to finish. I thought you did a greast job of bringing each scene to life so naturally. I felt like I was right there in that house with you. What a treat to read!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Michael,
Thank you for the kind review. Grandpa's house was scary. The first people that owned it experienced some of the supernatural. They had a calf in the bathroom-don't ask me why, but they came home one day and found the calf dead. I guess the people who own it now don't have any problems. Go figure.
Cecilia
Comment from Jacob1395
I really like dhow you let us experience what your grandparents house felt like to you as a child. I think I would be terrified if I saw anyone doing a Ouija board and wouldn't want to take part. The cellar sounds really frightening and you brought that to life really well in your writing. A well written piece. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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I really like dhow you let us experience what your grandparents house felt like to you as a child. I think I would be terrified if I saw anyone doing a Ouija board and wouldn't want to take part. The cellar sounds really frightening and you brought that to life really well in your writing. A well written piece. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Thank you for the kind review. That house was scary. Even my older brother and cousins were scared to death. Just think how my nine year old self felt. The Ouija was out often. I wonder if this "GAME" they played didn't bring more spirits into that house.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! This is a well written story filled with mystery and suspense. Your detailed descriptions are clearly written allowing the reader to envision each scene. Your dialogue is realistic. Your chosen artwork pairs perfectly with the story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Wow! This is a well written story filled with mystery and suspense. Your detailed descriptions are clearly written allowing the reader to envision each scene. Your dialogue is realistic. Your chosen artwork pairs perfectly with the story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your kind review. I have had help along the way from fellow fan story writers. Thank you for the best wishes I need all the help I can get. There are better writes than me. They need category for rookies so the competition is fair.
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Thank you for your kind review. I have had help along the way from fellow fan story writers. Thank you for the best wishes I need all the help I can get. There are better writes than me. They need category for rookies so the competition is fair.
Comment from karenina
"They can stay right where there as far as I'm concerned" (where they are?)
We weren't sleeping, so we decided to sneak down to the kitchen to get a snack. (You don't need to say "we weren't sleeping")
Banshee...capitalized in one description, lower case in another.
(It is a noun and should not be capitalized)
Sorry for those editing suggestions appearing first! The editor function is not allowing me to reformat!
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Where I hoped to begin was to tell you I too come from upstate NY...(Rochester), had a French Canadian grandmom (and family ancestry on her side)--
AND I lived in a large house with my family, my aunt and her six children, an uncle and my grandmom!
You won't see me shaking my head...
We had enough apparitions, voices, slamming cabinets, and the like to convince us we mortals were not the only ones in that house!
We moved away to Connecticut when I was eleven...
I've driven by our Rochester home...
I still get chills and wonder what other families have experienced in the nearly six decades since we exited!
Spooky stuff that some will not believe. Lucky them!
Karenina
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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"They can stay right where there as far as I'm concerned" (where they are?)
We weren't sleeping, so we decided to sneak down to the kitchen to get a snack. (You don't need to say "we weren't sleeping")
Banshee...capitalized in one description, lower case in another.
(It is a noun and should not be capitalized)
Sorry for those editing suggestions appearing first! The editor function is not allowing me to reformat!
-----
Where I hoped to begin was to tell you I too come from upstate NY...(Rochester), had a French Canadian grandmom (and family ancestry on her side)--
AND I lived in a large house with my family, my aunt and her six children, an uncle and my grandmom!
You won't see me shaking my head...
We had enough apparitions, voices, slamming cabinets, and the like to convince us we mortals were not the only ones in that house!
We moved away to Connecticut when I was eleven...
I've driven by our Rochester home...
I still get chills and wonder what other families have experienced in the nearly six decades since we exited!
Spooky stuff that some will not believe. Lucky them!
Karenina
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Hi Karenina,
I appreciate the revision suggestions. I am starting to realize that I am too wordy sometimes. I've been out of school along time. English was always my favorite subject, and I especially enjoyed creative writing. Life got in the way and now I'm retired and can fill my time with writing. It's a small world isn't it? I left Upstate in 1982 when I joined the Navy and never looked back. It was 39 years before I stepped back in that state.
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This is a habit new writers have. I often have to write, read, let it sit for a day or two-- then go back and ask myself what I can cut to make the story leaner, crisper -- and control the pace. It is a lifelong commitment!
I am VERY verbose (as you can see by my reviews)-- When I attempt prose it is a constant battle to cut out the excess!
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Thank you again for the help
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Thank you for sharing your help. I appreciate it.
Comment from marilyn quillen
I want to know who old Joe Moss was and why Grandpa didn't want to die in that house.? It's really a good story, though; it kept my attention throughout. I would have liked to know a little more about why they were haunted
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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I want to know who old Joe Moss was and why Grandpa didn't want to die in that house.? It's really a good story, though; it kept my attention throughout. I would have liked to know a little more about why they were haunted
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Hi Marilyn,
I wish I could tell you who old Joe Moss was. I just don't know, but grandpa was adamant that he did not want to die in the house. I'm not sure if my mother or aunts, and uncle knew. If they did they never talked about. They are all deceased now, so I will never know. Perhaps, had I focused on my writing 15 years ago before my mother lost herself to Alzheimer's I may know. Not sure any of them knew. I have my thoughts on old Joe Moss; I think he may have been someone that helped my grandfather build the house or a friend that did him wrong. Just my thoughts. Thank you for the great review.
Comment from patcelaw
This sounds so it was a difficult place for you to visit with all of the struggles that we're going on in the house for abortions and all of that. You have described the house very well and the seller and all of that. But I am sure that it left a bad taste in your mouth to try to Enjoy yourself at that house. Patricia.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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This sounds so it was a difficult place for you to visit with all of the struggles that we're going on in the house for abortions and all of that. You have described the house very well and the seller and all of that. But I am sure that it left a bad taste in your mouth to try to Enjoy yourself at that house. Patricia.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Hi Patricia,
Thank for the review. The house belongs to someone I don't know. I don't even recognize the house anymore and it makes me sad.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
This isn a very interesting story. Just a few minor glitches you might want to consider:
...the ghostly apparition of a women who - (woman)
We weren't sleeping so we decided... Maybe a comma after 'sleeping'?
...our prospective mothers appeared at the top. - Maybe 'respective' mothers?
After all she was used to the shenanigans of the house. - Maybe a comma after 'After all'?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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This isn a very interesting story. Just a few minor glitches you might want to consider:
...the ghostly apparition of a women who - (woman)
We weren't sleeping so we decided... Maybe a comma after 'sleeping'?
...our prospective mothers appeared at the top. - Maybe 'respective' mothers?
After all she was used to the shenanigans of the house. - Maybe a comma after 'After all'?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Wayne,
Thank you for the feedback. I have made the changes and appreciate you pointing them out.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Grandpa's House, is chocked full of crazy-cool stories that anyone would love to tell and hear. I know what you mean about big scary houses with lots of unexplainable goings on. Fun tale.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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This story, Grandpa's House, is chocked full of crazy-cool stories that anyone would love to tell and hear. I know what you mean about big scary houses with lots of unexplainable goings on. Fun tale.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Hi Bill,
Thank you for the kind review. I don't know if grandpa's house is still haunted, but if it is the new owners can have at it.
