The Challenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 3"Young Man Has Doubts About Becoming a Priest
31 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
The one thing I love about your script writing is you put us right in the scene so we see their faces and feel the tension. Phillip has a lot of demons he wants to get rid of and the girls/women are the only ones who can do this. What he hadn't realised was they were carrying their own demons from that night. You stopped at a point that could have revealed exactly what did happen with Marcia, which might have been the catalyst to either explode his guilty feelings, or remove them. I will now go and read on!! Well done, this was a very tense chapter. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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The one thing I love about your script writing is you put us right in the scene so we see their faces and feel the tension. Phillip has a lot of demons he wants to get rid of and the girls/women are the only ones who can do this. What he hadn't realised was they were carrying their own demons from that night. You stopped at a point that could have revealed exactly what did happen with Marcia, which might have been the catalyst to either explode his guilty feelings, or remove them. I will now go and read on!! Well done, this was a very tense chapter. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. I put a lot of time and effort in it and was rather proud of how it came out.
Comment from Bill Schott
A huge revelation here which definitely puts a major spin on the direction that each character's life went in after this frenzied and rude awakening into what was either a letdown or eye-opener for all concerned. Barbara set the course for everyone after that incident. This is so well done, Jay.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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A huge revelation here which definitely puts a major spin on the direction that each character's life went in after this frenzied and rude awakening into what was either a letdown or eye-opener for all concerned. Barbara set the course for everyone after that incident. This is so well done, Jay.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much, Bill. I particularly enjoyed writing Barbara's understated look she gave Phillip after Arthur sang his greeting and wave. I so do appreciate the six.
Comment from LJbutterfly
OMG! First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for creating the Top Ranked Script for the month. I don't usually read scripts, but this scene you laid out is totally captivating. I couldn't read fast enough. The ending opens the door for all sorts of creative possibilities. I'm hooked. See you in Scene 4.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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OMG! First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for creating the Top Ranked Script for the month. I don't usually read scripts, but this scene you laid out is totally captivating. I couldn't read fast enough. The ending opens the door for all sorts of creative possibilities. I'm hooked. See you in Scene 4.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thanks, LJ. I'm sure glad you chose this play to take a chance on. I'm glad it resonated with you. I'll be posting scene 5 Saturday, then taking some time off to write a Christmas story for the competition.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Your script is exceptional! I appreciate the depth of detail in your outline of each scene's character and setting.
I took your advice and read through all the previous chapters, and am glad I did.
I am enjoying the mystery that unfolds from the past. I am feeling a much bigger mystery or unfolding of events to follow.
I am absolutely fascinated by your consistent-to-date Setting comments: 'Jesus still keeps watch over the room ...' It makes me feel something I can't quite put my fingers on.
I am loving the story :)
Gale
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Your script is exceptional! I appreciate the depth of detail in your outline of each scene's character and setting.
I took your advice and read through all the previous chapters, and am glad I did.
I am enjoying the mystery that unfolds from the past. I am feeling a much bigger mystery or unfolding of events to follow.
I am absolutely fascinated by your consistent-to-date Setting comments: 'Jesus still keeps watch over the room ...' It makes me feel something I can't quite put my fingers on.
I am loving the story :)
Gale
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much, Gale. I'm so pleased you've taken a liking to The Challenge, especially enough to have read all the previous scenes. It will be wonderful having you aboard. Your kind words and your sparkly 6 stars make my day!
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I like the wonderfully developed characters although I can't relate to them. Funny to read the dialogue between the girls and their plotting. Cool dialogues! Wonder where this is going to end. Poor Phillip! My regret is that this kind of situation never came up in my school days ad even later.:)
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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I like the wonderfully developed characters although I can't relate to them. Funny to read the dialogue between the girls and their plotting. Cool dialogues! Wonder where this is going to end. Poor Phillip! My regret is that this kind of situation never came up in my school days ad even later.:)
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Oh, my friend, this would have been a rare occurrence in any school of the 50s, I assure you. I'm sure I would have passed out under the strain of it ... then awakened thinking I had an amazing dream! Thanks for hanging with me on this.
Comment from MissMerri
A most compelling scene, certain to keep readers gobbling up every 'spoken' word by these wonderfully developed characters. Each one in this scene is as clear to the mind's eye as a person in an actual play might be. The writing is superior and delivers a story not easily forgotten. We wait eagerly for the next episode.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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A most compelling scene, certain to keep readers gobbling up every 'spoken' word by these wonderfully developed characters. Each one in this scene is as clear to the mind's eye as a person in an actual play might be. The writing is superior and delivers a story not easily forgotten. We wait eagerly for the next episode.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Thank you, MissMerri, for stopping by with your always encouraging words and shiny stars. I will be just as eagerly waiting for you to stop by for the next offering.
Comment from chatterbox1
Okay, you had me going there--for a few minutes. Guess I'm naturally suspicious (or too many detective shows and you did give me a clue after my last review).
I need to address the unnatural dialogue. Women don't talk like that. We use incomplete sentences and interrupt each other.
Is that permissible in play writing? This is your field, and I don't know the rules.
I'm dying to see where this goes.
Carol
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Okay, you had me going there--for a few minutes. Guess I'm naturally suspicious (or too many detective shows and you did give me a clue after my last review).
I need to address the unnatural dialogue. Women don't talk like that. We use incomplete sentences and interrupt each other.
Is that permissible in play writing? This is your field, and I don't know the rules.
I'm dying to see where this goes.
Carol
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Carol, for using your given name. It makes it so much easier to address my comments if I know the gender. I bow, now, to your knowledge of women's speech tempo and idiosyncratic habits. Everything is permissible in playwriting as long as it resonates with the playgoer. You probably have noticed my tendency to truncate sentences with the em dash. I try to have my dialogue imitate real speech. I will definitely check the female dialogue to see if it matches the speech patterns I hear and experience.
I'm glad you are reading this, and I hope you continue on.
Jay
Comment from BethShelby
I love the characters you have created for this play. You are an expert at making characters who seem so real with your decription and their dialogue. In this episode Barabara was the one who showed her personally the most clearly. We've all known women like Barbara. She seem to be enjoying her role in telling the story from her perspective. I can imagine a group of teenage girls plotting something like was described here.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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I love the characters you have created for this play. You are an expert at making characters who seem so real with your decription and their dialogue. In this episode Barabara was the one who showed her personally the most clearly. We've all known women like Barbara. She seem to be enjoying her role in telling the story from her perspective. I can imagine a group of teenage girls plotting something like was described here.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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I thrive on your support, Beth. Thank you so much for your kind words and for the six stars.
Comment from Senyai
Hi Jay,
Wow, this is such a scene that leads to so many possibilities to be played out! Phillip has this memory of that night which has plagued him for nine years. Barbara is undaunted in her retelling of the events of that night in the bedroom of Marcia's house.
He had been appointed stand in chaperone for the night by Marcia's older sister who wanted to be with her boyfriend for the whole night while the parents were away at a school function. Being an accommodating soul, Phillip agreed to the job. He was so pleased the girls trusted him to protect them. But while he slept in Marcia's bed, the girls planned to seduce him as he was thought of as "untouchable" being a good guy. The girls took advantage of his good nature and thought they would play with his emotions to see what would happen ...
Barbara was the only one that really meant to follow through with the plan, entering the room stark naked and the last one to leave. Phillip had become aroused by all the girls pressing on him as he was awakened but as they became uneasy, they filed out except Barbara. The scene was left slightly unclear in that nothing happened between these two but the reason being is left interrupted by Margaret knocking upon Phillip's door announcing the arrival of Arthur DelaTurie who is standing right behind her. We can assume Phillip lost the urge or Barbara became overwhelmed and left him high and dry ...I am not sure which. Also Phillip never finished what the whole affair of the night left him questioning about himself.
Jay, you have me enthralled!
Great starting episodes to this tale!
Senyai
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Hi Jay,
Wow, this is such a scene that leads to so many possibilities to be played out! Phillip has this memory of that night which has plagued him for nine years. Barbara is undaunted in her retelling of the events of that night in the bedroom of Marcia's house.
He had been appointed stand in chaperone for the night by Marcia's older sister who wanted to be with her boyfriend for the whole night while the parents were away at a school function. Being an accommodating soul, Phillip agreed to the job. He was so pleased the girls trusted him to protect them. But while he slept in Marcia's bed, the girls planned to seduce him as he was thought of as "untouchable" being a good guy. The girls took advantage of his good nature and thought they would play with his emotions to see what would happen ...
Barbara was the only one that really meant to follow through with the plan, entering the room stark naked and the last one to leave. Phillip had become aroused by all the girls pressing on him as he was awakened but as they became uneasy, they filed out except Barbara. The scene was left slightly unclear in that nothing happened between these two but the reason being is left interrupted by Margaret knocking upon Phillip's door announcing the arrival of Arthur DelaTurie who is standing right behind her. We can assume Phillip lost the urge or Barbara became overwhelmed and left him high and dry ...I am not sure which. Also Phillip never finished what the whole affair of the night left him questioning about himself.
Jay, you have me enthralled!
Great starting episodes to this tale!
Senyai
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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You seem to get more out of my scenes than most, and ferret out the meaning I had intended. Thank you for being you! and for your very gracious 6 stars.
Comment from tfawcus
Fascinating interplay between these three characters recalling what would have been outrageous behaviour in the 1950s. What a way for Phillip to discover his sexual orientation!
The pacing is well-judged to keep the audience on the edge of their seats in anticipation.
I wondered at the wording of We couldn't have been favored more by having Marcia's bed be several feet away from the wall. Something like As luck would have it, Marcia's bed was several feet from the wall might be more natural in dialogue.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Fascinating interplay between these three characters recalling what would have been outrageous behaviour in the 1950s. What a way for Phillip to discover his sexual orientation!
The pacing is well-judged to keep the audience on the edge of their seats in anticipation.
I wondered at the wording of We couldn't have been favored more by having Marcia's bed be several feet away from the wall. Something like As luck would have it, Marcia's bed was several feet from the wall might be more natural in dialogue.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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As luck would have it! Beautiful. It's like you were right there whispering it in Barbara's ear. Haha, you are so right, Tony. It has been changed. And your six-star rating makes my day. This is not getting the readership I'd expected. It's nice that what readers did take a chance on it rewarded me.