Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Invasion - part 3"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
9 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Cody saved by the bellš?¤« brother and sister-in-law in charge of keeping the family together, and alive. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Cody saved by the bellš?¤« brother and sister-in-law in charge of keeping the family together, and alive. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you, iza! It feels strange that it's done. :)
I appreciate all the encouragement you gave me through this effort. Many thanks and hugs,
Deb
Comment from robyn corum
Deb,
Oh, wow. Great chapter. So much going on and you displayed it all super well. *smile* We are so lucky that you are the one sharing this story - you're doing a mah-valous job! On to the next!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Deb,
Oh, wow. Great chapter. So much going on and you displayed it all super well. *smile* We are so lucky that you are the one sharing this story - you're doing a mah-valous job! On to the next!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
At last, I went around the wrong order, but al least it answered the questions from the concluding story I read today, and I'm sorry about, I can imagine that it was a gargantuan effort dear friend, congratulations, you've done a good job, particularly with the action scenes which is hard to do, well done Deb, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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At last, I went around the wrong order, but al least it answered the questions from the concluding story I read today, and I'm sorry about, I can imagine that it was a gargantuan effort dear friend, congratulations, you've done a good job, particularly with the action scenes which is hard to do, well done Deb, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Roy. I have to admit - I was worried about this one. The resolution was such a touchy thing for me - it needed to be both brothers and clearly be God in charge. I'm relieved and pleased that it got your thumbs up. :)
Blesssings,
Deb
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Well done
Comment from lyenochka
Whew! That was a rough scene but you described it all very well. I liked that Michael's rock art was used as a weapon. And I loved that it was Laine that took out the other Lehman. Man, you can write a truly evil character with all the nasty stuff this Lehman said to poor Cody. Great drama with Jack trying to get Cody to put down the gun.
comes the Calvery now," (cavalry)
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Whew! That was a rough scene but you described it all very well. I liked that Michael's rock art was used as a weapon. And I loved that it was Laine that took out the other Lehman. Man, you can write a truly evil character with all the nasty stuff this Lehman said to poor Cody. Great drama with Jack trying to get Cody to put down the gun.
comes the Calvery now," (cavalry)
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Helen, you've meant so much to me in the writing/editing of this book. I don't think you realize that, but i do want you to know. I've counted on your reviews and your ability to catch my clumsy fingers booboos. :)
I hope the true evil of the Lehmans was adequately balanced with the family dynamics of the McClellans and that the 'bad' wasn't too hard to read.
One quick question, if I may. WWere the words to the song intrusive? I worried that they would feel like they were butting in on the conversation J&C were having. But I LOVE that song and it felt so appropriate to me. Just want another opinion. :)
Again, thank you for everyth8ing you've done for me and for Orion.
Blessings and warm hugs,
Deb
Comment from tfawcus
Immaculate pacing in this action-packed chapter. Love your use of action tags and the way you get inside the characters' heads. Superb writing in this genre, guaranteed to hold your audience.
Just a few small things you might like to consider:
You probably need a new paragraph for this piece of dialogue: "No!" he screamed.
You definitely need a new paragraph starting here:
"Time for a little family reunion, McClellan.
Possibly a hyphen needed here: tissue paper covered rock
Towards the end, I think you meant Cavalry not Calvery
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Immaculate pacing in this action-packed chapter. Love your use of action tags and the way you get inside the characters' heads. Superb writing in this genre, guaranteed to hold your audience.
Just a few small things you might like to consider:
You probably need a new paragraph for this piece of dialogue: "No!" he screamed.
You definitely need a new paragraph starting here:
"Time for a little family reunion, McClellan.
Possibly a hyphen needed here: tissue paper covered rock
Towards the end, I think you meant Cavalry not Calvery
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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LOl. Yep...calvery it is. As a children's minister, I think I probably went into auto-drive and typed the other. :)
I'm blown away by your eceptional rating, and wanted to give you a special thanks for that, especially since my clumsy fingers evidently weren't spot on last night. :) (And I did try to find all the glitches...just missed these, I guess. lol)
Blessings and many thanks,
Deb
Comment from roof35
I would give you another six but I do have to save some for others. But this is every bit as good as the other two chapters. I think Calvary is the correct spelling of the word you have as Calvery. This is great writing again.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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I would give you another six but I do have to save some for others. But this is every bit as good as the other two chapters. I think Calvary is the correct spelling of the word you have as Calvery. This is great writing again.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Thank you, sweet friend. Yep, as a children's minister, I think my fingers just fell into autopilot and typed Calvary. lol
Thank you so much. I'll take a virtual six. I save mine to dole out carefully, too, so I understand completely.
Youve been such a great help, finding little errors (or big ones!) and keeping the encouraging reviews coming. I appreciate you so much.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You did a brilliant job on this one, and I know that the next will probably finish it, I'm going to save a shiner for that one. The story has been amazing, Debs, you've had everything just right. The tension, the emotions. The hate, fear, all of it. I'm glad that the Lehmans are all dead now, that'll teach them from messing with our boys! Well done, my friend. I look forward to the next one. No, the print it fine. I'll take another look at mine, because it's smaller. Not posted until later today. Well done, my friend!! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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You did a brilliant job on this one, and I know that the next will probably finish it, I'm going to save a shiner for that one. The story has been amazing, Debs, you've had everything just right. The tension, the emotions. The hate, fear, all of it. I'm glad that the Lehmans are all dead now, that'll teach them from messing with our boys! Well done, my friend. I look forward to the next one. No, the print it fine. I'll take another look at mine, because it's smaller. Not posted until later today. Well done, my friend!! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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I'm going to miss these guys. It's nice to know that you will, too. :) Thank you for your encouragement. It was vital to the completion of this one. It was an exhausing thing to write! lol
Looking forward to your next chapter!
Blessings and warm hugs,
Deb
Comment from AJ McCall
Thank God!!!
I thought Michael had hit Lehman but Cody had taken the rock - the ugly one. One he didn't think was too beautiful or useful. I see you added some more things to what happened in the previous chapter. Man, Lehman was bad. I was worried that Lehman had gotten away but when Jack pointed, I knew he'd taken care of him. And Laine shot the other brother? Wow, you crafted it well Deb. But what happened to Abbey? Is she okay? I can't believe the book is almost over. Waahahah! But I can't wait to read the next chapter!
(HIs) mother
...like he was talking to a baby or an injured animal(.Cody) had a sudden memory of Jack kneeling beside him the night Pam died, speaking in this same soft, gentle voice. He kept his gun pointed at the approaching apparition.
I'll be waiting! :)
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Thank God!!!
I thought Michael had hit Lehman but Cody had taken the rock - the ugly one. One he didn't think was too beautiful or useful. I see you added some more things to what happened in the previous chapter. Man, Lehman was bad. I was worried that Lehman had gotten away but when Jack pointed, I knew he'd taken care of him. And Laine shot the other brother? Wow, you crafted it well Deb. But what happened to Abbey? Is she okay? I can't believe the book is almost over. Waahahah! But I can't wait to read the next chapter!
(HIs) mother
...like he was talking to a baby or an injured animal(.Cody) had a sudden memory of Jack kneeling beside him the night Pam died, speaking in this same soft, gentle voice. He kept his gun pointed at the approaching apparition.
I'll be waiting! :)
Comment Written 24-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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We will probably end this one tomorrow. I think I can divide the final chapter in half and put both segments up then.
Thank you so much for the catches!
When do I get to see your mystery? :)
Blessings and have a super day at worship tomorrow!
Deb
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Hi, Deb! Sorry for replying so late! You're welcome! And that sounds great! I can't wait to read them! And I'll actually be sending you a message with the mystery story because I want your personal opinion. And I had a great worship! I hope you did too!
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This was an on-pins-and-needles post that had me riveted from the first sentence to the last. This is one grand story and you are a master at storytelling!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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This was an on-pins-and-needles post that had me riveted from the first sentence to the last. This is one grand story and you are a master at storytelling!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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What an incredibly sweet thing to say! Thank you. I'm so glad to hear that from you; I love your writing and it makes me feel like the compliment is the real deal. :)
Blessings,
Deb
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It is the honest truth!