Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Invasion - part 2"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
9 total reviews
Comment from roof35
And a lot of action there is. Please bring the cavalry soon. Great suspense, great writing. I am glad I have a couple of six stars to award you. Cannot wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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And a lot of action there is. Please bring the cavalry soon. Great suspense, great writing. I am glad I have a couple of six stars to award you. Cannot wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Thank ou for that exxtra star. :) I know they are precious and carefully given, so I appreciate it much. :)
Blessings!
Deb
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
I knew I missed a chapter so I went searching. So glad I did. This is another marvelous chapter full of intrigue and frightful moments. You've done a smashing job!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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I knew I missed a chapter so I went searching. So glad I did. This is another marvelous chapter full of intrigue and frightful moments. You've done a smashing job!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Rebecca! I'm going to take a break from novels for a couple of months, read and write some poetry. That will be the fun part. I also have to take some marketing classes...yikes! lol
So appreciate you reading and helping me refine this book. I truly appreciate each comment you made, each suggestion and correction. You rock. :)
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
I understand why you needed to keep going to keep the suspense and end at the right place. I was so hoping that it would end with Cody knocking off Lehman. Oh well, gotta wait until the next post...
I think you did a great job with this terrifying scene. These were some things that struck me because I tend to do the same thing in poetry and prose - using similes instead of direct metaphors. So I suggest changing these to make them more direct.
and a look of resolve settled a (remove "a look")
Her breath became strained as if breathing itself ("as if" weakens)
Michael's voice was thick with tears. (loved this! - very clear!)
its familiar sound seeming to have ("seeming to have" not needed)
These words were in a different font :
"Bullets passed immediately through the back over the couch just above Cody's "
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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I understand why you needed to keep going to keep the suspense and end at the right place. I was so hoping that it would end with Cody knocking off Lehman. Oh well, gotta wait until the next post...
I think you did a great job with this terrifying scene. These were some things that struck me because I tend to do the same thing in poetry and prose - using similes instead of direct metaphors. So I suggest changing these to make them more direct.
and a look of resolve settled a (remove "a look")
Her breath became strained as if breathing itself ("as if" weakens)
Michael's voice was thick with tears. (loved this! - very clear!)
its familiar sound seeming to have ("seeming to have" not needed)
These words were in a different font :
"Bullets passed immediately through the back over the couch just above Cody's "
Comment Written 24-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Thank you, dear Helen. I tried to nominate you for reviewer award for the third time this month You are so important in the refining of this story. Thank you.
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
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You're so welcome! I appreciate your reviews, too! Have to wait 'til November to nominate you! 💖
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Not long enough, Debs, I'm hoping the tide will turn in Cody's favour anytime soon. Best do!! The neighbours must have heard the gunshots, unless they all sleep like me! This was a really tense chapter, my friend, and I was on the edge waiting for Cody to hit Lehman. I thought he did at one point. Can't wait for the next part! Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Not long enough, Debs, I'm hoping the tide will turn in Cody's favour anytime soon. Best do!! The neighbours must have heard the gunshots, unless they all sleep like me! This was a really tense chapter, my friend, and I was on the edge waiting for Cody to hit Lehman. I thought he did at one point. Can't wait for the next part! Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Sandra! I'm going to try to post tonight if I can get enough reading done to get member cents for everyone. lol
I appreciate you!
Blessings
Deb
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That's what I'm doing so I can post mine tomorrow. I have to say yours is one of my favourite stories. I have about 4 that I love to read. Yours is one of them. xxx
Comment from royowen
I'm finding it a little excruciating, you've done a good job with the description of the action, it seems cruel this tragic journey of Cody. But of God's not writing this story you are Deb, but you've got to make it exciting, people who mock God and His saints can't possibly succeed, He works all things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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I'm finding it a little excruciating, you've done a good job with the description of the action, it seems cruel this tragic journey of Cody. But of God's not writing this story you are Deb, but you've got to make it exciting, people who mock God and His saints can't possibly succeed, He works all things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Roy. The truth of life is that you can stumble into something 'wrong' and it does follow you. Not always like this, of course and thank God for that! But I've had a small experience with evil that follows for years. God is still in control, but it sometimes feels like He's allowing a bit too much to come our way. (There are those feelings again, not aligning with God.)
Anyhow, I always appreciate your input!
Blessings,
Deb
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Well done
Comment from Alena Carver
This chapter is super engaging! I loved the family relationships and self sacrifice of Cody. I thought that Lehman's voice was original and perfect for the character. This chapter did a wonderful job of building up suspense.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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This chapter is super engaging! I loved the family relationships and self sacrifice of Cody. I thought that Lehman's voice was original and perfect for the character. This chapter did a wonderful job of building up suspense.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Alena! I hope you got enough info in the summary to kind of have an idea of what led up to this. ;)
I appreciate your enthusiastic encouragement.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from robyn corum
Deb,
Well, I am torn. The chapter was awesome, long or not. I thought you did a super job plotting these scenes out. They are tense and unpredictable. Nice!
But. The script made the reading difficult, and more especially on a phone. (My hubs took over my laptop for our town*s away football game.)
I have a bunch of notes for you, also. Weird stuff that you should have caught. Wondering if the script messed you up, too??
1.) the FBI agent assigned to the Lehman case (burst) into the room.
2.) Home after almost six-weeks (in the) hospital,
3.) H(i)s mother (who also lives there) is also roused from sleep.
--> 2x *also*
4.) When they try to call (9?)11, they realize the killer has blocked
5.) has blocked the cell phones and has the downstairs (receiver).
6.) Rachel paled noticeably at the expression in his (eyes).
7.) I go to be with my wife, and with my God." "Oh, yeah, sure thing.
--> new paragraph for new speaker.
8.) He had moved from the distance of the dining room toward the front door.
--> He moved from the dining room toward the front door.
9.) Bullets passed immediately through the relatively thin wall of the couch just above Cody's
--> Bullets passed immediately through the relatively thin wall over the couch just above Cody's
--> else it sounds like he shot through 'the wall' of the couch --> is that right? If so, perhaps:
--> Bullets passed immediately through the upright portion of the couch, just above Cody's
10.) Anguish washed over him at the sound of the murder(er)'s voice
11.) Oh, God, (h)ide my family from him.
12.) I love the look on people(s') faces when they realize that they've lost
Hope something helps. I look forward to more!! Thank you!
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Deb,
Well, I am torn. The chapter was awesome, long or not. I thought you did a super job plotting these scenes out. They are tense and unpredictable. Nice!
But. The script made the reading difficult, and more especially on a phone. (My hubs took over my laptop for our town*s away football game.)
I have a bunch of notes for you, also. Weird stuff that you should have caught. Wondering if the script messed you up, too??
1.) the FBI agent assigned to the Lehman case (burst) into the room.
2.) Home after almost six-weeks (in the) hospital,
3.) H(i)s mother (who also lives there) is also roused from sleep.
--> 2x *also*
4.) When they try to call (9?)11, they realize the killer has blocked
5.) has blocked the cell phones and has the downstairs (receiver).
6.) Rachel paled noticeably at the expression in his (eyes).
7.) I go to be with my wife, and with my God." "Oh, yeah, sure thing.
--> new paragraph for new speaker.
8.) He had moved from the distance of the dining room toward the front door.
--> He moved from the dining room toward the front door.
9.) Bullets passed immediately through the relatively thin wall of the couch just above Cody's
--> Bullets passed immediately through the relatively thin wall over the couch just above Cody's
--> else it sounds like he shot through 'the wall' of the couch --> is that right? If so, perhaps:
--> Bullets passed immediately through the upright portion of the couch, just above Cody's
10.) Anguish washed over him at the sound of the murder(er)'s voice
11.) Oh, God, (h)ide my family from him.
12.) I love the look on people(s') faces when they realize that they've lost
Hope something helps. I look forward to more!! Thank you!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Yikes! Part of those 13 errors I was fixing as you were reading, but...yowza! What a mess! I appreciate your time and attention, especially on the cell phone! (So, who's playing tonight that hubby stole the laptop! lol)
You are always so appreciated. I respect your opinion and sharp eye.
Blessings and have a good weekend,
Deb
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Haha. It is our local hometown high school football team. They are playing away.
My hubs usually goes to every single game but he has a bad knee -surgery next Wednesday. Thank you!
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OUr guys got quarantined! We've missed two games now and they're trying to figure out if we can make them up, if they odn't count, or if they count as a loss. CRAZY! The high school is going nuts. Too many kids quarantined right now. My granddaughter is a junior and she's home until Friday. She sits by a girl at lunch who tested positive. I'm so ready for her to go back to school! lol
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Haha
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Chilling. The man is pure evil--I trust that Cody will triumph in the end, but in the meantime this is tortuous--I mean that as a compliment. Cheers. LIZ
(typos: mburst into the room; medically=induced s/b hyphen; six-weeks s/b six weeks; int he hospital s/b in the s/b in the; HIs mother s/b his; to call o11 s/b 911; reciever s/b receiver; in his e hyges s/b eyes; don't hyphenate half-obscured; it's familiar sound s/b its; if I'd have wanted s/b if I'd wanted--keep as is if you intend Lehman to err; "the blond" sounds affected--just say Lehman; pout [omit: out] PROOF READ for other typos.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Chilling. The man is pure evil--I trust that Cody will triumph in the end, but in the meantime this is tortuous--I mean that as a compliment. Cheers. LIZ
(typos: mburst into the room; medically=induced s/b hyphen; six-weeks s/b six weeks; int he hospital s/b in the s/b in the; HIs mother s/b his; to call o11 s/b 911; reciever s/b receiver; in his e hyges s/b eyes; don't hyphenate half-obscured; it's familiar sound s/b its; if I'd have wanted s/b if I'd wanted--keep as is if you intend Lehman to err; "the blond" sounds affected--just say Lehman; pout [omit: out] PROOF READ for other typos.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Liz, both for the positive comments and the actual review. I ran it through spell check again and through Grammarly. If they aren't catching it, I'm in trouble! lol
Blessings and have a great weekend,
Deb
Comment from AJ McCall
WHAT?!
So the Lehman brothers had planned to kill Jack and Abbey too? Oh, man... I don't like how you ended the last line Deb, I'm on the edge of my seat!! But now I realize he must've been interrupted or cut off, maybe because someone had done something! I hope so. Faith comes into so strong into play here. Cody's been through enough. I want to know what happens next!! My stomach is churning. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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WHAT?!
So the Lehman brothers had planned to kill Jack and Abbey too? Oh, man... I don't like how you ended the last line Deb, I'm on the edge of my seat!! But now I realize he must've been interrupted or cut off, maybe because someone had done something! I hope so. Faith comes into so strong into play here. Cody's been through enough. I want to know what happens next!! My stomach is churning. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Yeah, I didn't think you were going to like this much. But it's only halfway through the chapter, so hold on, not hold your breath. You did make me laugh out loud when I read your WHAT?!, though. Thanks for that!
Appreciate you reading, AJ. We're almost done with this one. :)
BLessings and have a super weekend!
Deb
PS - are you distance learning or going to school physically? We are still struggling with the kids being at school, then quarantined for 2 weeks, then back at school. It seems ridiculous.
Anyhow, I'm going to try to get another segment up tonight, so I'll quit blabbing. :)
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You're welcome! Oh, I'm glad you laughed. :) And don't worry I'm not holding my breath, lol. So, with the learning, I'm actually homeschooled. It's much easier. And that does sound like a lot with the kids going back than staying home for two weeks then going back. It's a bit pointless if you ask me. Don't worry I love hearing from you Deb. I smile every time I see I got a reply from you cause I know somehow I'm going to laugh. :) Can't wait to read that chapter!!!!
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And you have a lovely night and weekend too! And you mean you're almost done with the book?! Nooooo! But just tell me where I can get it once it's published.:)