Background
A battle for survival, a struggle for faith.
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Previously: After Cody is put into a chemically induced coma, Jack and Rachel trade off sitting in the room with him, keeping watch. Surprisingly, Abby Kitman joins them often, either during her lunch or off-hours.
Abby and Jack start to visit, and Abby pulls him into a conversation about his faith.
"She was as much my sister as Code is my brother ... almost." He brushed Cody's hair back again. "It tore me up to watch Code go through that. I would've stopped it if I could have. I would've changed it."
"And God didn't."
"Yeah." Jack sighed. "God didn't."
Background
When the McClellan brothers stumble upon a botched hit while camping, Cody is shot. With the hitmen in pursuit, Jack gets his brother to help. Soon, though, the men appear at the hospital, trying to eliminate witness. Now Jack wrestles with faith & fear
Jack didn't answer.
"Your son's name is Travis?" Abby asked. Jack nodded and she continued. "Has Travis ever gotten into anything that just tore you up to watch him go through, but you didn't step in and bail him out? Didn't intervene?"
"Yeah, but," Jack looked up at her, "that was different. I never killed anybody to teach Travis a lesson. I'd never let him take a bullet to teach someone else."
"God didn't kill Pam. I really believe that He's mourning for your loss of her, but He's not mourning for her. He has such a more complete picture of life than we do, Jack. For God, Pam didn't die. And He doesn't step in every time we need help. If He did where would faith come into the picture? He'd just be a giant Santa, checking the list, seeing what everyone wanted and mindlessly doling it out -- a cosmic vending machine, not God."
Jack looked down. Everything he knew about God, everything he'd learned from the Bible as a boy, everything inside him, knew that Abby was right.
"So what happened in the emergency room?"
Jack shrugged. "I guess I realized that I'd lose him and I hadn't done everything I could for him. Everything that he'd do for me."
"Because you hadn't prayed?"
"Yeah. Cody still believes, you know. He says, 'Gosh, Jack.'" He imitated his younger brother's voice almost exactly, although he knew Abby didn't know that. "'I can't even understand how the kid's game system works. I didn't get calculus. If I could understand God, He wouldn't really be worth much of my time, would He?'" Jack sat down. "Maybe he's right. He sure seems to be more at peace than I am."
"So you prayed."
"Yeah, but ... that didn't have anything to do with it. I mean, Mom's pretty sure that God gave us Cody back just because I asked Him to. But, I just don't ... I mean, I'm not exactly a man who's close to his creator, or whatever. I've pretty well told him to butt the hell out of my life, which I'm not sure I could take back, even if I wanted to. I haven't been able to pray in a long time. Until this week."
Abby Kitman considered all she'd heard. "Are you asking me if it's all just an incredible coincidence?" Jack looked at her, his eyes intent, and Abby admitted, "Maybe. We do see what other people would consider miracles happen in the ER -- not often, but it does happen. But what about the other stuff? What about everything else?"
"What other stuff?"
"I've heard you tell the story, Jack. Think about it. How long in between the two shots? Seconds, right? Maybe a minute? And yet, in that short amount of time, you managed to get the binoculars and locate Cody in the middle of a state park. And, even though you were being chased by trained assassins, even though your brother was critically wounded, you manage to beat them to the road. And you miss your own car by a mile, but literally stumble into a campsite with a car and driver right there"people who were willing to help you. Christians, at that. You think that Lehmann missing Michael from a few feet away was just a coincidence? And the bruises on that boy's neck ... Lehmann should have crushed his larynx. He should have died. It may have all been coincidence, Jack, but how many are we given in a day? How many do we get like that in a lifetime?"
Jack didn't answer.
"I'll tell you something, my friend. Matthew 6:8 says God can hear prayers our hearts can't even begin to say. I think that's what's been happening with you. You've been so hurt and angry that you couldn't begin to talk to Him. But your heart never stopped talking. And He never stopped listening. Or caring. The same way you were your brother's keeper when he literally couldn't go another step, Jesus has been your keeper, too. Helping you when you'd let him, leading you toward healing, whether you wanted him to or not, watching out for you. And listening."
Jack swallowed a lump in his throat. This wasn't at all what he'd expected. The doctor wasn't laughing at him"she was encouraging his faith, building him up in a way that Cody and 'Lane and his mom had been trying to do for a year and a half.
"Your heart's been frozen by a horrible, tragic event. You couldn't get past the harsh cold and the black clouds to see God. But He's still there, Jack. And it's time for your heart to thaw now. Time for your winter to be over." She picked up the deck of cards, slipped them in her jacket pocket and walked over to Jack. "God's already forgiven you, Jack. And He's certainly earned your trust back, if for some reason He needed to. Now the only thing left is for you to forgive yourself."
Author Notes
Thank you for reading! Remember, critical over Kind, always. :)
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