Exceptional Acceptance of Dr. Wilbert's treatment plan One man's journey to get clean : Gary accepts treatment by Mustang Patty

So far, we've been following Gary Thompson's journey to kick his addiction.  We heard his conversation with the intake therapist at Sunnyview Rehabilitation Center.  The struggle within him raged as he decided whether to take the offer for treatment.    We were introduced to his mother, Mary, and shared her fears for her only son's destructive behavior.  We learned she prayed fervently and constantly for his recovery.  His phone call to her about entering rehab was met with tears of relief.   And last, we were with Gary, he was beginning to digest the dual diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Bi Polar.  As we rejoin the story, Gary reflects on the words of the psychiatrist he met with yesterday, as he contemplates sharing with the NA group today.     Sunrise had seemed to come earlier this morning.  Chirping robins heralded the coming of spring.  Despite the rain falling from the sky, streaks of the breaking sun lit the view through the windows of the solarium.    Gary gazed out the window as a leaf skipped past. He couldn't quite remember what cool grass felt like on bare feet or what wind felt like ruffling through his hair. He wanted to be outside so bad he could scream! Raising his arms above his head, he stretched and took a giant breath of the recycled air.  He never dreamed he would spend so long indoors.  He imagined his skin held the same pallor of his fellow patients.  He hoped to feel the refreshing air outside of the ward soon.  The counselors promised a group walk later in the day when the rain was supposed to clear.   Shadows played across the solarium floor as Gary continued to brood.  The appointment with the psychiatrist had gone as well as could be expected.  Gary was assured once again that he wasn't crazy; he had a mental illness.  For the life of him, he couldn't discern much difference, but he would take their word for it.  In addition to having more of the illness explained, Dr. Wilbert had asked a bunch of questions.   Did he feel like he was the star in a movie about his life? Gary reflected before he gave his answer.  He could remember seeing his life acted out on the canvas of the world.  He felt he was somehow outside of himself watching as events unfolded.  The other people were merely actors with bit parts.  He had to answer, "Yes."   Had he ever been suicidal?  Had he made a plan? Though he tried to fool himself into believing he had never even considered ending it all, Gary knew he thought about it.  He turned over the plans he made in his head.  The garage and a car weren't a viable option recently, but in his mind he still went there.  His other thought was to take enough drugs to sail off into oblivion.  This ideology came to him often.  Again, he answered, "Yes," and explained his thoughts to Dr. Wilbert.   Was he afraid of being abandoned? Gary answered, "Yes."  He explained to the doctor his fear about abandonment stemmed from the thoughts he harbored about being too different.  Why would anyone stay?  He just wasn't good enough to hold onto anyone.  Someday, even his mother was bound to throw up her hands in disgust and give up.   How often did he feel totally out of control?  Sometimes Gary was aware that he lost himself in the activities around him.  Drinking, drugs, and random sex consumed him at times.  His sexual encounters rarely had anything to do with love.  He acted on attraction and the chase.  If he had money in one hand, he was spending it with the other. It was pretty often that he found himself too caught up and lost.  Reluctantly, Gary murmured, "Yes."   Did he often feel so low, getting out of bed was a chore?  Gary nodded in reply.  It started in high school.  Fearing any unpleasant events or remarks that could come his way, he just wanted to ignore his alarm clock.  Staying home and watching TV or a movie with Mom seemed much more attractive than going to school.    At the end of it all, it was decided he wasn't addicted to the drugs because of an addiction disorder, but he had become addicted after self-medicating his inner demons.  Dr. Wilbert explained the subtle difference, and Gary understood what he was saying.  Dr. Wilbert also told him he recommended he be moved to the psych ward to get treatment for his condition.    Given a prescription for his new daily regimen to treat the BPD and Bipolar, Gary walked to the pharmacy window and submitted his scrip.  The nurse told him he would be getting pills every morning and after dinner.  Dr. Wilbert had gone over the possible side effects and asked Gary to let him or one of the nurses know if he experienced anything out of line.  Knowing it would take some time before he felt any effects from the meds, he looked forward to feeling the subtle differences in the way his mind related to the world.  He was to start taking one drug to fight the depression, and another for his anxiety.  Warned that his medications might be changed a few times until the right combination was found, Gary resigned himself to taking pills the rest of his life.   He walked down to the dayroom.  Group therapy, or the morning NA meeting, was about to start.  After settling in his chair, Gary looked around the circle at the various members.  Most were wearing the sweat suits offered when entering the facility.  The guys mostly came in with only one change of clothes, and it was nice to have something else to wear while you did your laundry.  Sitting in all these meetings, some of the gang didn't seem to know what to do with their hands.  Without a cigarette, a pipe, or phone, they felt lost.   Over the weeks, Gary had heard from each member of the group. He was the only one who had been around for so long without sharing.  He wondered how the group would react to his share this morning.   But, today would be the day Gary would share.  He really had nothing to lose.  He was leaving this ward tomorrow morning.  He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but Dr. Wilbert and James assured him it was all for the best.   As the meeting started, Gary's thoughts were still swirling.  So much had happened.  As he read the twelve steps out loud with the group, Gary felt a few more pieces clicking in place.    Cindy was leading the group this morning.  He remembered her sweet voice from the first phone call he made to the clinic.  She was therapist to some of the other guys, and they all said she was good at her job.  She was nice, but didn't take any crap.   Cindy's voice drew him out of himself, when she asked, "Does anyone want to share?"   Taking a deep breath, Gary raised his hand.  "I do."   Clearing his throat, Gary began.  "First of all, I want to thank all of you.  I've been sitting in all of these meetings and listening to everyone for the last month.  I couldn't get the nerve to talk because I felt like none of you could understand my story.  I don't come from a broken home.  My parents never beat me, and up until I started using, my life was pretty good."   Looking around the circle, Gary didn't see anyone looking disgusted or angry as he feared.  Everyone was listening and encouraging him to go on.  "Yesterday I found out that I used to self-medicate the pain I felt on the inside.  The pain had nothing to do with anything that had been done to me.  I just couldn't figure out why I always felt so different.  The world didn't make sense.  I was angry over nothing.  Some days, I could do just about anything.  I used to design clothes, and I would stay up all night working on a project."   With that admission, some of the guys looked surprised.  Gary certainly didn't look like a clothes designer, and no one knew he was gay.  Taking another deep breath, Gary continued.  "I guess this would be a good time to tell you I'm gay.  I wasn't trying to hide it from you, but after concealing who I was from the drug dealers and homeless people I've been living with for the past two years, it's just not something I talk about anymore."   Feeling less nervous, Gary continued, "I know that my rock bottom doesn't compare to many of yours.  On the morning, I called the center, I woke up in a doorway and really looked around.  The only possessions I had were the things in my backpack, and my cherished crack pipe.  I thought about everything I had already lost, and the stupidity of the decisions that got me there."   Swallowing the huge lump in his throat as he thought about his mother, he started, "The only family I can count on is my mom.  It isn't that the rest of my family hates me or anything.  My sister and father just can't deal with my downward spiral.  We were always a tight knit group, and I've never missed the warmth of our home as I do right now."   "Anyway, I wanted to take the time to thank all of you.  Tomorrow, they're moving me to the psych ward.  It turns out I have more mental problems than an actual addiction, and they think I would get better care over there.  I guess I will get a lot more therapy and time with the psychiatrist.  I will miss you guys though.  I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't stand-offish because of anything you did, it is because I've been in my head for a long time. All of you have shown me that it's okay to talk and it's okay to trust the people here.  We're all just trying to get out of the hole we dug for ourselves."   The applause started somewhere on the other side of the circle.  Gary couldn't see exactly who it was, because his eyes were full of tears.  As they closed the meeting with the Serenity Prayer, he felt the words' deeper meaning in his soul.   Recognized Author Notes This chapter got a little bit long, but I felt it couldn't be split. Thanks for reading. List of characters: Gary Thompson - the main character who we are following through his life as an addict to recovery Dr. Wilbert: the staff psychiatrist at Sunnyview James: Gary's therapist on the addiction ward Questions posed by Dr. Wilbert are adapted from the Interview Guide for Evaluating DSM-5 Psychiatric Disorders and the Mental Status Examination. DSM-5: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders.

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