Always have an alibi or, even better, two.
Beware the man who drinks too much, especially if it's you.
Call your lawyer, then your wife. Ask her to bring your bail.
Don't turn your back on Smilin' Jack who runs the whole damn jail.
Expect the unexpected; like a Boy Scout, be prepared.
False bottoms in your cases for those items undeclared.
Guns don't kill but people will; a vest may save your life.
Help out a mate who's locked away by visiting his wife.
Ignorance is no excuse in law you'll often find.
Just a little sweetener can make a cop go blind.
Keep a weather eye out for the snitch who'll spoil your game
Lady Luck's an oxymoron; never trust a dame.
Muscly men with baseball bats deserve your best respecting.
Never mess with Mr Big; kneecaps are worth protecting.
Other people's property's an open invitation.
Protect and serve yourself's the way to wealth accumulation.
Quintessential qualities are quietness and quickness.
Remember to reward yourself; denial's just a sickness.
Some people don't deserve their wealth; here endeth the first lesson.
The only partners that you need are buddies Smith and Wesson.
Unless you want to lose your loot don't bet on cards or dice.
Versatility is good; don't rob the same bank twice.
Wear a balaclava when a public place you rob.
Xanax helps if anxious before a tricky job.
You should be grateful God has made so many wealthy fools.
Zealous application is the key to all these rules.
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The ABC's of Life
Contest Winner
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Author Notes
This contest asks you to create an alphabetical set of rules for life, but keep it short, sweet and CLEAN. 26 lines, plus title, only.
Occasional colorful use of the English language is intentional to reflect the personality of the narrator.
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