The Peculiar Parade of Quirky by Peter Jarvis Idiocrasy contest entry |
Professor Flapjack collects non existent spoons,
He polishes them under twenty moons
He mutters he can hear their silent clink,
But honestly, the Prof just needs a shrink.
Mad Madge insists that pigs can fly,
On them she gaffer tapes wings and lets them try
Though gravity always wins the race,
She swears she saw fifty flying in space
There's Amanda Hump, as cranky as a cut snake
Claims she never sleeps, always awake
She is convinced that there are people on Mars
Living in craters and driving cars
There’s Madka Owdiseez who talks to the bees
Sings lullabies softly to pak choi and trees
She swears they grow faster when hearing a tune
But the neighbours just think she’s a veggie loon
Hugh Jass collects every shoelace he finds,
Ties them together in colourful lines.
He once made a rope and on the end tied a balloon
And up, up it went all the way to the moon
Buck Nekkid only walks backwards, you see
Says the future’s too scary, the past sets him free.
He’s mastered the art of reverse locomotion,
Though crossing the road causes quite a commotion
How about Leo Tarred who refuses to blink
Believes that his eyeballs might vanish, he thinks.
He gawps at the world with a peculiar stare
His optician has gone mad and lost all her hair
Willie Stroker is frightened of cinnamon spice
Claims it once whispered "Hi Pretty Boy"-not nice
He tiptoes past bakeries, dodging the smell
Now is always seen wearing a cow bell
Eccentric May I Tuchem insists she’s a queen
Her kingdom resides in a vending machine
She knights every KitKat, and eats sticky toffee
And drinks nothing but cold stale coffee
And finally, let’s not forget cranky Anita Head
Who sleeps every night on a loaf of white bread.
She claims it’s the softest, the cosiest bed
But her house smells like toast, and her pillows are spread
So here’s to the wacky, the weird, and bizarre
Being normal fellow writers, will not get you far.
Embrace all your quirks, and let off some steam
For life’s much more fun when it’s quirky as a dream!
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Peter Jarvis
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