| General Fiction posted August 14, 2016 |
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3rd person omniscient-Potlatch challenge
Yes, Seriously!
by michaelcahill
Story of the Month Contest Winner
The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
The author has placed a warning on this post for sexual content.
-previously....
“Someone is going off the roof, darling. But I don’t think it’s going to be me.” Michele had her pistol trained on Edgar.
Edgar turned red with rage and rose from his chair. He staggered as he approached Michele who had risen from her chair and backed up at the ready.
“What the fuck, bitch, you spike my drink? It ain’t gonna save you.” Edgar lunged at Michele who deftly side stepped him. Edgar sprawled face first to the ground and cried out. “Bitch! You are dead. Dead!” Even as he spoke the drug kicked in even harder as he struggled to his feet.
Michele’s hand shook as she trained the gun on him. He weaved in front of her. She expected him to fall, but he didn’t. “I’m shooting if you take even a step. Don’t doubt it. Walk to the flagpole. DO IT!”
Edgar laughed and staggered towards her. “I don’t sweat you, bitch. You won’t shoot. You don’t have it in you.” He stopped and jerked up as a shot rang out. His face took on a look of surprise mixed with pure hatred and he lurched forward spasmodically. Blood dripped from his forearm.
Michele stepped quickly backwards firing and missing. She looked up to see a female burst through the door followed by Francois.
Gloria dropped into a ready stance with her gun aimed at Michele. Her hands were steady and her voice was firm and authoritative. “Toss that over here and hit the deck, Lady. Seriously.” She spoke into her radio, “A bus to the Bonaventure rooftop, one injured. I need backup. One about to be in custody.”
Michele hesitated. “He’s the attacker, not me. I’m just defending …”
“Lady, you’ve got the gun. Seriously, toss it here. Seriously, we’ll have a chat later.” Gloria nodded towards the ground at her feet. “Do it and hit the deck.”
Francois threw his arms around Gloria and the gun fell from her grasp. “I’m sorry, darling. I told her it was him.”
“What the fuck? Seriously, you idiot! I told you to stay in the fuckin’ lobby. Get the hell off me … “
Now’s my chance. That bitch is goin’ off the roof. It’s self-defense. I’ve got a cop as a witness. Edgar lunged at Michele and grabbed her. Her gun clattered to the ground. They fell in a heap.
Edgar got to his knees and started dragging Michele to the edge of the roof. Francois rushed to help. Gloria retrieved her weapon and yelled freeze firing a shot in the air. All three looked up at her for a moment and continued to struggle rolling closer and closer to the edge of the roof.
Gloria just threw up her hands and watched. “No. No. No. One of you may fall off the roof. Seriously.” She laughed and blew a bubble with her chewing gum.
All three ran into the short rail that lined the rooftop and it gave way. Francois grabbed a portion of the rail still attached to the roof and Michele grabbed on to his belt buckle holding on for dear life. Edgar screamed a high pitched note that reduced in volume as he got farther and farther away. It sounded like a splash when he hit the ground below.
Michele climbed up Francois to safety and Francois pulled himself up shortly thereafter.
Gloria looked on in amusement. “Seriously?” She blew a big bubble with her chewing gum and took it back in her mouth. “Looks like your hubby had one too many.”
THE END
Epilogue:
Michele hugged Francois while Gloria looked on.
Gloria blew a huge bubble and looked quite pleased with herself. She rushed up to the couple locked in an oblivious embrace. She took the bubble intact from her mouth. “Look. It’s a record, has to be. Seriously. Hey! Seriously, you’re making this look like a crime. Can’t you wait until the lead DETECTIVE leaves the accident scene? Seriously, I mean seriously. Hey, did you feel that?” Gloria waved her giant bubble at the air.
Michele jerked free of Francois who looked down embarrassed. Francois mimed removing a hat from his head holding it front of his crotch. He exclaimed, “Oleoaaa” and thrust his other arm skyward. “El Torino!” Pretty impressive, yes ladies?
Gloria looked down at what embarrassed Francois and smiled. Pitching a tent, a real outdoorsman. “Seriously. I felt something. Yeah, I guess so, seriously.”
Michele waved her arms in the air. “What do you want? I can feel you. You’ve been buzzing around me all night.”
A disembodied voice filled the air. “You’re not supposed to notice me, let alone talk to me. Just carry on. Forget I’m here.”
Francois held up his fingers in the sign of the cross. “A los el dieso dos meeoos, or something like that. I don’t speak Spanish.” I should have paid attention to my aunts and uncles, er a … ninas and pintas or something like that.
“Seriously? Who the hell are you two talking to? It’s just the three of us. Should I call a bus in? What the hell? Seriously, this is getting spooky. Get the hell away from me. HEY! That’s sexual harassment. Seriously, can’t you see I’m a cop? If I could see you, I’d arrest you.” In an hour or two anyway.
Damn, I’m totally intruding on the scene. I’m destroying the story. Or am I? Who’s to say I’m not more interesting than these plastic two dimensional fools. I’m tired of playing invisible like I should never be heard from or even sensed. Screw that. “I’m the force behind all of you. I’m Third Person Omniscient Point of View. You don’t talk, poop, move, think or do a damn thing if I don’t sidle up beside you and do it for you. Get it, Gloria? Seriously.”
“Hey, screw you. I don’t need you to think for me, I’ve got my own mind, serious ... for reals dude.” Gloria started dancing a festive Gambian folk dance. Her luscious breasts were hypnotic and Francois couldn’t keep his eyes off of them. Gloria started rocking her hips back and forth provocatively and Francois fell to the ground in a swoon …
“Hey. Stop this. Your killing Francois. I’m sorry, dude. The Point of View Ghost thingy is making me do it. Seri … for reals, dude.” Gloria stood over Francois and looked down at him with her lips parted and panted heavily. Francois grabbed his chest and stiffened. He died while Gloria looked on with an incredible sensuous look on her face. “That was cold, dude. That’s one deadly point of view. Talk about intrusions, seriously, dude. I really have it though, don’t I? Seriously, for reals, dude.”
Michele came towards Gloria with venom in her eyes. “You hussy!”
Michele stopped in her tracks as she realized her attraction to Gloria. She could feel the heat rising in her body. Gloria turned and her gaze cut through her with a passion Michele had never seen in her life.
“So, what do you think of my omniscience, ladies? Should I just be content to look through your eyes, your boring eyes? OR, should I take charge and have you do my glorious bidding. How about you the reader. You turn the pages anxiously aware of your promise to deny this stellar work a six. You have a wild streak in you though. You’ve held back, not wanting these people to know how crazy you can get. Will you give the six this deserves, and say to hell with protocol? Or, will you continue to suppress your true desires just to fit in, and hang out with the cool kids. There’s your mouse. There’s the little drop down box. What will you do?” Omniscience … oh, baby, I can feel it … seriously.
-previously....
“Someone is going off the roof, darling. But I don’t think it’s going to be me.” Michele had her pistol trained on Edgar.
Edgar turned red with rage and rose from his chair. He staggered as he approached Michele who had risen from her chair and backed up at the ready.
“Someone is going off the roof, darling. But I don’t think it’s going to be me.” Michele had her pistol trained on Edgar.
Edgar turned red with rage and rose from his chair. He staggered as he approached Michele who had risen from her chair and backed up at the ready.
“What the fuck, bitch, you spike my drink? It ain’t gonna save you.” Edgar lunged at Michele who deftly side stepped him. Edgar sprawled face first to the ground and cried out. “Bitch! You are dead. Dead!” Even as he spoke the drug kicked in even harder as he struggled to his feet.
Michele’s hand shook as she trained the gun on him. He weaved in front of her. She expected him to fall, but he didn’t. “I’m shooting if you take even a step. Don’t doubt it. Walk to the flagpole. DO IT!”
Edgar laughed and staggered towards her. “I don’t sweat you, bitch. You won’t shoot. You don’t have it in you.” He stopped and jerked up as a shot rang out. His face took on a look of surprise mixed with pure hatred and he lurched forward spasmodically. Blood dripped from his forearm.
Michele stepped quickly backwards firing and missing. She looked up to see a female burst through the door followed by Francois.
Gloria dropped into a ready stance with her gun aimed at Michele. Her hands were steady and her voice was firm and authoritative. “Toss that over here and hit the deck, Lady. Seriously.” She spoke into her radio, “A bus to the Bonaventure rooftop, one injured. I need backup. One about to be in custody.”
Michele hesitated. “He’s the attacker, not me. I’m just defending …”
“Lady, you’ve got the gun. Seriously, toss it here. Seriously, we’ll have a chat later.” Gloria nodded towards the ground at her feet. “Do it and hit the deck.”
Francois threw his arms around Gloria and the gun fell from her grasp. “I’m sorry, darling. I told her it was him.”
“What the fuck? Seriously, you idiot! I told you to stay in the fuckin’ lobby. Get the hell off me … “
Now’s my chance. That bitch is goin’ off the roof. It’s self-defense. I’ve got a cop as a witness. Edgar lunged at Michele and grabbed her. Her gun clattered to the ground. They fell in a heap.
Edgar got to his knees and started dragging Michele to the edge of the roof. Francois rushed to help. Gloria retrieved her weapon and yelled freeze firing a shot in the air. All three looked up at her for a moment and continued to struggle rolling closer and closer to the edge of the roof.
Gloria just threw up her hands and watched. “No. No. No. One of you may fall off the roof. Seriously.” She laughed and blew a bubble with her chewing gum.
All three ran into the short rail that lined the rooftop and it gave way. Francois grabbed a portion of the rail still attached to the roof and Michele grabbed on to his belt buckle holding on for dear life. Edgar screamed a high pitched note that reduced in volume as he got farther and farther away. It sounded like a splash when he hit the ground below.
Michele climbed up Francois to safety and Francois pulled himself up shortly thereafter.
Gloria looked on in amusement. “Seriously?” She blew a big bubble with her chewing gum and took it back in her mouth. “Looks like your hubby had one too many.”
THE END
Epilogue:
Michele hugged Francois while Gloria looked on.
Gloria blew a huge bubble and looked quite pleased with herself. She rushed up to the couple locked in an oblivious embrace. She took the bubble intact from her mouth. “Look. It’s a record, has to be. Seriously. Hey! Seriously, you’re making this look like a crime. Can’t you wait until the lead DETECTIVE leaves the accident scene? Seriously, I mean seriously. Hey, did you feel that?” Gloria waved her giant bubble at the air.
Michele jerked free of Francois who looked down embarrassed. Francois mimed removing a hat from his head holding it front of his crotch. He exclaimed, “Oleoaaa” and thrust his other arm skyward. “El Torino!” Pretty impressive, yes ladies?
Gloria looked down at what embarrassed Francois and smiled. Pitching a tent, a real outdoorsman. “Seriously. I felt something. Yeah, I guess so, seriously.”
Michele waved her arms in the air. “What do you want? I can feel you. You’ve been buzzing around me all night.”
A disembodied voice filled the air. “You’re not supposed to notice me, let alone talk to me. Just carry on. Forget I’m here.”
Francois held up his fingers in the sign of the cross. “A los el dieso dos meeoos, or something like that. I don’t speak Spanish.” I should have paid attention to my aunts and uncles, er a … ninas and pintas or something like that.
“Seriously? Who the hell are you two talking to? It’s just the three of us. Should I call a bus in? What the hell? Seriously, this is getting spooky. Get the hell away from me. HEY! That’s sexual harassment. Seriously, can’t you see I’m a cop? If I could see you, I’d arrest you.” In an hour or two anyway.
Damn, I’m totally intruding on the scene. I’m destroying the story. Or am I? Who’s to say I’m not more interesting than these plastic two dimensional fools. I’m tired of playing invisible like I should never be heard from or even sensed. Screw that. “I’m the force behind all of you. I’m Third Person Omniscient Point of View. You don’t talk, poop, move, think or do a damn thing if I don’t sidle up beside you and do it for you. Get it, Gloria? Seriously.”
“Hey, screw you. I don’t need you to think for me, I’ve got my own mind, serious ... for reals dude.” Gloria started dancing a festive Gambian folk dance. Her luscious breasts were hypnotic and Francois couldn’t keep his eyes off of them. Gloria started rocking her hips back and forth provocatively and Francois fell to the ground in a swoon …
“Hey. Stop this. Your killing Francois. I’m sorry, dude. The Point of View Ghost thingy is making me do it. Seri … for reals, dude.” Gloria stood over Francois and looked down at him with her lips parted and panted heavily. Francois grabbed his chest and stiffened. He died while Gloria looked on with an incredible sensuous look on her face. “That was cold, dude. That’s one deadly point of view. Talk about intrusions, seriously, dude. I really have it though, don’t I? Seriously, for reals, dude.”
Michele came towards Gloria with venom in her eyes. “You hussy!”
Michele stopped in her tracks as she realized her attraction to Gloria. She could feel the heat rising in her body. Gloria turned and her gaze cut through her with a passion Michele had never seen in her life.
“So, what do you think of my omniscience, ladies? Should I just be content to look through your eyes, your boring eyes? OR, should I take charge and have you do my glorious bidding. How about you the reader. You turn the pages anxiously aware of your promise to deny this stellar work a six. You have a wild streak in you though. You’ve held back, not wanting these people to know how crazy you can get. Will you give the six this deserves, and say to hell with protocol? Or, will you continue to suppress your true desires just to fit in, and hang out with the cool kids. There’s your mouse. There’s the little drop down box. What will you do?” Omniscience … oh, baby, I can feel it … seriously.
Michele hugged Francois while Gloria looked on.
Gloria blew a huge bubble and looked quite pleased with herself. She rushed up to the couple locked in an oblivious embrace. She took the bubble intact from her mouth. “Look. It’s a record, has to be. Seriously. Hey! Seriously, you’re making this look like a crime. Can’t you wait until the lead DETECTIVE leaves the accident scene? Seriously, I mean seriously. Hey, did you feel that?” Gloria waved her giant bubble at the air.
Michele jerked free of Francois who looked down embarrassed. Francois mimed removing a hat from his head holding it front of his crotch. He exclaimed, “Oleoaaa” and thrust his other arm skyward. “El Torino!” Pretty impressive, yes ladies?
Gloria looked down at what embarrassed Francois and smiled. Pitching a tent, a real outdoorsman. “Seriously. I felt something. Yeah, I guess so, seriously.”
Michele waved her arms in the air. “What do you want? I can feel you. You’ve been buzzing around me all night.”
A disembodied voice filled the air. “You’re not supposed to notice me, let alone talk to me. Just carry on. Forget I’m here.”
Francois held up his fingers in the sign of the cross. “A los el dieso dos meeoos, or something like that. I don’t speak Spanish.” I should have paid attention to my aunts and uncles, er a … ninas and pintas or something like that.
“Seriously? Who the hell are you two talking to? It’s just the three of us. Should I call a bus in? What the hell? Seriously, this is getting spooky. Get the hell away from me. HEY! That’s sexual harassment. Seriously, can’t you see I’m a cop? If I could see you, I’d arrest you.” In an hour or two anyway.
Damn, I’m totally intruding on the scene. I’m destroying the story. Or am I? Who’s to say I’m not more interesting than these plastic two dimensional fools. I’m tired of playing invisible like I should never be heard from or even sensed. Screw that. “I’m the force behind all of you. I’m Third Person Omniscient Point of View. You don’t talk, poop, move, think or do a damn thing if I don’t sidle up beside you and do it for you. Get it, Gloria? Seriously.”
“Hey, screw you. I don’t need you to think for me, I’ve got my own mind, serious ... for reals dude.” Gloria started dancing a festive Gambian folk dance. Her luscious breasts were hypnotic and Francois couldn’t keep his eyes off of them. Gloria started rocking her hips back and forth provocatively and Francois fell to the ground in a swoon …
“Hey. Stop this. Your killing Francois. I’m sorry, dude. The Point of View Ghost thingy is making me do it. Seri … for reals, dude.” Gloria stood over Francois and looked down at him with her lips parted and panted heavily. Francois grabbed his chest and stiffened. He died while Gloria looked on with an incredible sensuous look on her face. “That was cold, dude. That’s one deadly point of view. Talk about intrusions, seriously, dude. I really have it though, don’t I? Seriously, for reals, dude.”
Michele came towards Gloria with venom in her eyes. “You hussy!”
Michele stopped in her tracks as she realized her attraction to Gloria. She could feel the heat rising in her body. Gloria turned and her gaze cut through her with a passion Michele had never seen in her life.
“So, what do you think of my omniscience, ladies? Should I just be content to look through your eyes, your boring eyes? OR, should I take charge and have you do my glorious bidding. How about you the reader. You turn the pages anxiously aware of your promise to deny this stellar work a six. You have a wild streak in you though. You’ve held back, not wanting these people to know how crazy you can get. Will you give the six this deserves, and say to hell with protocol? Or, will you continue to suppress your true desires just to fit in, and hang out with the cool kids. There’s your mouse. There’s the little drop down box. What will you do?” Omniscience … oh, baby, I can feel it … seriously.
Story of the Month Contest Winner |
 Recognized |
|
CHARACTERS:
Michele: Wife of Edgar
Edgar: Rich abusive husband of Michele
Francois: Loyal butler/cook to Edgar and Michele
Gloria: First detective on the scene
The Ghost: The third person omniscient narrator who isn't supposed to be noticed. :))
Well, this got to me and I went a little crazy there in the epilogue. LOL
The topic is: A Physical Altercation
Using the story from last week or come up with another scenario. Get into a fight, brawl, scuffle, or shootout.
Use third person omniscient to make see what is going on. The catch? Have another character or characters intervene. They help the situation or escalate the fight.
Have fun! A little early.. but it's lunchtime.
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