Excuses and other Responses

For some reason, today I was writing away and a line from a very old movie popped into my head that my mother told me about years ago because she thought it was funny. I looked it up on line, and sure enough, this actress actually said it in a movie. Betty Davis was the young actress, supposedly playing a wealthy, Southern girl.  She was talking to some guy and she says, “I’d like to kiss you but I just washed my ‘hayah.’” I’ve always thought that was funny, her accent and the excuse, but in the movie, she was serious. At least it seemed so, to me; it was just a clip from a scene. I forget the name of the movie.

Well, as it turns out, it was a movie called A Cabin in the Woods – 1932. No wonder I don’t remember it.

Then I started thinking about inventive excuses, and other responses, and made up a few.

“Hey, you want to go to a movie tonight?”

“I wish I could but my dog is sick and I’d better stay home and watch him.”

“What’s the matter with him?”

“I don’t know but he doesn’t want to play or anything, he just lies there.”

(the dog is asleep)

And another:

Hi, Maiz, I’m taking Mom to the libe to hear a speaker talk about “Coping with old age, alone,” and I need you to go with me for backup. I don’t want Mom moving in with me.”

“Good grief, Margie, that’s like saying, ‘Sorry Mom, but you gotta take care of yourself now that you’re old.’”

“Yeah? well…that’s kinda what I said, except in a nice way.”

“What nice way?”

“I added, ‘Don’t’cha think?’”

“Glad you’re not my mom!”

And a priceless response from a child:

“Mom, what’s that thing on that lady’s nose?”

“It’s a mole.”

“Wow, does it dig tunnels in her nose like the ones in our yard?”

And my all time favorite “gotcha” by a much-maligned girl to her wicked mother-in law. (I wish I had used it on mine.)

“Sally, dear, I’m guessing that whatever you added to these scrambled eggs is something your mother used to make down in ‘Gawja’.  It has a flavor and texture I don’t believe I’m familiar with.”

“Yes. My mother loved them. Put them in scrambled eggs all the time. Calf’s brains.”

That still makes me shiver.