Amputation

Pale sunlight peeped through the Venetian blinds. I had been awake on and off all night. I just wanted this day to pass.
Nurse Marion entered my room carrying a tray with a hypodermic, a sedative to calm me down before I went down to surgery.

She turned towards the blinds and I knew she was crying. Over the last three months, we had become friends.

She turned to me and tears ran down her cheeks. After the injection, I looked at her as she wiped her tears with a tissue.
"Please don't cry, Marion. It's your job." I held her small hand.
"I'm so sorry the Doctors couldn't save your leg." She sniffed.

"I'm not scared, Marion. I'm terrified! I won't be able to nurse, all these things I've been thinking about, all the things I won't be able to do."

"I know you're terrified, but try and think of all the things you will be able to do. I'll see you in recovery." She rushed out of my room.

The hours ticked by. I knew they wouldn't be operating this day. I kept asking the nurses what was going on, but they couldn't tell me a thing. The waiting was excruciating. Laying in my bed, no one came to see me.

Around 4 pm my surgeon popped his head around the door.

"Kay, I'm so sorry. I couldn't get an OR." Dr Tom wiped the sweat from his brow. I loved this man for his honesty and kindness.

After a day of fear and longing for answers, the nurse gave me a sleeping tablet. This did nothing, I was hallucinating from fighting the drug.

The next Groundhog Day arrived and yes, I was on my way to surgery. Fear, the only way out is through.

Marked in red on my chart: no Pethadine. The nurse didn't read my notes and gave me the drug. Returning to my room I was in agony and asked for pain relief. The Charge Nurse said she couldn't give me anything but Panadol! Another stuff up. I had to wait four hours for real pain relief.

I lay sweating in the air conditioning. My family sat around eating Chinese takeaway, the smell made me nauseous. Tears trickled down my face and my Mother came over and whispered in my ear, "Don't cry dear, it upsets me."

Well, that took the cake. Did it upset her? It just happened to be my Birthday.
I just wished they would take their Chinese food and leave!

In some ways, I was relieved the amputation was over. I could plan for the future, whatever it was.

The accident happened in July, with much hard work in rehab. In October, I walked in a temporary plaster leg until I was fitted with a real one.
No more fear, life is an adventure to be lived.