Humor Poetry posted April 4, 2023


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Don't feel sorry for him

Pluto

by Jim Wile

 
    Pluto the space rock of dubious fame
    Was once called a planet then stripped of the name,
    But not for the reason you’d think it would be.
    He well-earned his fate, as I’m sure you’ll agree.
 
    Pluto was such an insufferable pest,
    Vaunting his status to all of the rest.
    Of the folks in the Kuiper Belt, he was but one
    Of thousands just like him who orbit the sun.
 
    He was the biggest but not by too much
    To warrant the bragging that helped make him such
    A pain in the buttocks to all within hearing,
    With nothing to make him the least bit endearing.
 
    He bragged to the rest that his weight was immense
    And scoffed at them all for being less dense.
    For rock he was made of while they’re made of ice.
    His density therefore was way more than thrice.
 
    Insults he hurled at them, morning ‘til night
    Without provocation. It just wasn’t right.
    With the closest of planets, he followed the pattern,
    Made fun of Uranus, and Neptune, and Saturn.
 
    He called them “old gas bags,” offending them greatly.
    He showed no respect for the large and the stately,
    Who earned their position as planets, no question.
    To all of the others Earth made a suggestion:
 
    “Instead of complaining, let’s all go to work.
    Why don't we vote to get rid of this jerk?
    To be clear: It’s not for diminutive size
    We seek to expel him. He must realize…
 
    That far-outsized ego’s why he gets the boot.
    We’ll say, if he argues, the point is now moot.
    Alright, who’s in favor of kicking him out?”
    The vote was unanimous. There was no doubt.
 
    Pluto then brooded. Now what would he do?
    For that you will just have to wait for Part 2.
    Oh, will he decide that he must make amends,
    Or stay a li’l beast and then seek his revenge?
 
 
                        to be continued...
 

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A few facts about Pluto: Pluto was discovered in 1930 and remained a planet until it was re-classified as a "dwarf planet" in 2006. It was the smallest planet by far, with a diameter 1/6th that of Earth. This makes it sound larger than it actually is because 170 Plutos can fit inside Earth.

Pluto is one of several dwarf planets in the Kuiper Belt--a zone beyond the orbit of Neptune brimming with hundreds of thousands of rocky, icy bodies, each larger than 62 miles (100 kilometers) across.

Pluto is made of rock and methane ice and is much denser than other dwarf planets in the Kuiper Belt which are primarily ice.

Note: The "old gas bags" mentioned in the poem are the planets Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune as well as Jupiter. They are the "gas giants," composed entirely of gases such as hydrogen and helium.
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