Four Years Old

The room is dim and smells of hate
as he makes me watch him masturbate
I learned the meaning of what sex is
in that dingy room in Texas.

With crushing stench beside my bed
I disappear inside my head
as gurgled groans escape my breath
I'm four years old and wish for death

Tied to a chair with my jump rope
I'm four years old without a hope
he has me gagged to stop my screamin'
while he showers me with semen.

"You say a word, I'll cut your throat
and watch your fucking body bloat
now wipe your mouth and turn for me
so I can teach you sodomy."

In disillusioned agony
I pray someone will set me free
as hardened man-flesh tears my skin
I disappear inside again.

When he collapses, spent and done
the motherfucker calls me son
he zips it up and starts to smile
'cause Mom will be home in awhile.

"Remember what I said to you
and what I said that I would do.
You'd best stop cryin', NOW ya hear,
and get your "Uncle" Phil a beer."

How can a four year old escape
the tortured images of rape
as Mommy's boyfriend babysat
but no one wants to hear 'bout that.

My Mother said I always lied
and said so til the day she died
but four year olds don't lie with blood
and bedsheets stained with fecal mud.

It happened in a neighborhood
where everyone said things were good
but four year olds don't wish to die
unless no one will hear their cry.