A Fly on the Wall
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "On Showing Up"A journal musings and assessments about situations
30 total reviews
Comment from Deniz22
I like it! "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you, putting it my way, but nicely...etcetera, excetera, excetera...(The King and I)
You are an accomplished person indeed!
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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I like it! "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you, putting it my way, but nicely...etcetera, excetera, excetera...(The King and I)
You are an accomplished person indeed!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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thanks for the vote of confidence and encouraging review. xo
Comment from Michele Harber
You're so right about the importance of showing up, Rachelle. When my sister was in the hospital, and I was so afraid she wasn't going to make it, I sent a mass email to 10 friends I knew cared very much about me. I put "I need a hug" in the subject line, then proceeded to explain, in the body of the note, what had happened. Some of these friends lived right near me in Queens, one in Manhattan, others in Florida, California and Texas but, no matter the time zone, every one of them, as soon as they received the note, responded with a virtual hug, a Facebook hug, or an email hug. My friend Kim who, with her husband, Joe, are my husband's and my closest "couple friends," called from a car to say they were on their way to a funeral, but wanted to give me a verbal hug. Then she put the phone on speaker so Joe could do the same. All of these various responses were so loving and caring, and did a lot towards making me feel better - but none as much as when Kim called to say the funeral was over, Joe and their son Ray (my daughter's oldest friend) had gone on to another engagement, and she was alone and wanted nothing more than to come over and give me that hug I'd asked for. I met her downstairs, as she was double-parked, and she held me for five minutes and let me know - in person - that she was there for me.
A week or so later, my non-FSBFF, Edwardyne, a divorced mother with full custody of teen-aged twin daughters graduating high school, who lives in Manhattan, called to say she'd finally found time to visit her mother in Queens, and couldn't be in the same borough as me and not stop by to give me that still much-needed hug. Like Kim, she parked illegally while I came down to her and, again, we just held on tightly for a few minutes while my upside-down at the time world temporarily straightened out. It's not as though the emails and texts and Facebook messages and prayers and virtual hugs from my other friends were less important. They were wonderful and loving and truly showed me how much my friends cared about me. However, to know that two people took time out of their busy days to come see me in person (and risk a parking ticket to do so!) meant the world to me and, as you're witnessing, are the two responses I talk about, of the many I received. As you discovered, the personal visit not only means "I care" but "I'm willing to go out of my way for you." Thanks for reminding us of how important and necessary that direct personal contact is. I'm so glad for you that you received that at your recital from Bobby and Ann, and that the kids received it from those who came to see them perform.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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You're so right about the importance of showing up, Rachelle. When my sister was in the hospital, and I was so afraid she wasn't going to make it, I sent a mass email to 10 friends I knew cared very much about me. I put "I need a hug" in the subject line, then proceeded to explain, in the body of the note, what had happened. Some of these friends lived right near me in Queens, one in Manhattan, others in Florida, California and Texas but, no matter the time zone, every one of them, as soon as they received the note, responded with a virtual hug, a Facebook hug, or an email hug. My friend Kim who, with her husband, Joe, are my husband's and my closest "couple friends," called from a car to say they were on their way to a funeral, but wanted to give me a verbal hug. Then she put the phone on speaker so Joe could do the same. All of these various responses were so loving and caring, and did a lot towards making me feel better - but none as much as when Kim called to say the funeral was over, Joe and their son Ray (my daughter's oldest friend) had gone on to another engagement, and she was alone and wanted nothing more than to come over and give me that hug I'd asked for. I met her downstairs, as she was double-parked, and she held me for five minutes and let me know - in person - that she was there for me.
A week or so later, my non-FSBFF, Edwardyne, a divorced mother with full custody of teen-aged twin daughters graduating high school, who lives in Manhattan, called to say she'd finally found time to visit her mother in Queens, and couldn't be in the same borough as me and not stop by to give me that still much-needed hug. Like Kim, she parked illegally while I came down to her and, again, we just held on tightly for a few minutes while my upside-down at the time world temporarily straightened out. It's not as though the emails and texts and Facebook messages and prayers and virtual hugs from my other friends were less important. They were wonderful and loving and truly showed me how much my friends cared about me. However, to know that two people took time out of their busy days to come see me in person (and risk a parking ticket to do so!) meant the world to me and, as you're witnessing, are the two responses I talk about, of the many I received. As you discovered, the personal visit not only means "I care" but "I'm willing to go out of my way for you." Thanks for reminding us of how important and necessary that direct personal contact is. I'm so glad for you that you received that at your recital from Bobby and Ann, and that the kids received it from those who came to see them perform.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2019
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I'm all kinds of weepy now, having read this beautiful description of your friends. You have chosen so well throughout your life, it seems to me. Not just in the Life Mate arena, but in the True Friends one, as well. I absolutely loved reading this this morning. Thank you very much for all you wrote. xo
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Thanks, Rachelle. The emails and other responses I expected (since it was the reason I chose those friends specifically to send my email to), but what surprised me very pleasantly was the degree of follow-up. They all still contact me periodically just to check on my sister. However, those calls from Kim and Edwardyne saying they were coming over to hug me absolutely floored me. There?s definitely a reason I thank God every night for my wonderful family and friends.
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I can certainly understand that! My guess is that, if the situation were reversed, you'd have done the exact same thing for them because you are compassionate and generous, too.
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Who, moi?
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Oui! Vous!
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Awwww, merci beaucoup.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I like this Rachelle and the message conveyed in this. We do indeed make sacrifices for the ones we love. We like you experienced that while accompanying them, that it wasn't a sacrifice at all, but a pleasant experience to be a part of their pleasure and enjoyment. I don't know what I really want when I pass on. I don't want those that genuinely care about me to be sad though. I enjoyed reading this Rachelle! Well done!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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I like this Rachelle and the message conveyed in this. We do indeed make sacrifices for the ones we love. We like you experienced that while accompanying them, that it wasn't a sacrifice at all, but a pleasant experience to be a part of their pleasure and enjoyment. I don't know what I really want when I pass on. I don't want those that genuinely care about me to be sad though. I enjoyed reading this Rachelle! Well done!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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I love how generous you always are with your words in these reviews, Jeffrey. Thank you very much for that. xo
Comment from Debra White
Hello Rachelle :)
I really enjoyed reading this piece.
It really does matter when our loved ones show up to the events that mean something to us. It's that solidarity, that support and that love that just makes us feel so much more secure in what we are doing.
Beautifully written and it's lovely to see a photograph of your beloved Ann (and you, of course!) :)
Thank you so much for sharing.
I hope your recital day was everything you hoped it would be.
Sending love, Debra :) x
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Hello Rachelle :)
I really enjoyed reading this piece.
It really does matter when our loved ones show up to the events that mean something to us. It's that solidarity, that support and that love that just makes us feel so much more secure in what we are doing.
Beautifully written and it's lovely to see a photograph of your beloved Ann (and you, of course!) :)
Thank you so much for sharing.
I hope your recital day was everything you hoped it would be.
Sending love, Debra :) x
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Thank you for this beautiful review, Debra. You completely understand where I'm coming from.
Yes, Recital Day was perfect. I couldn't have been more delighted. Thank you for sweetly asking. (I consider that the long-distance way of showing up, and it matters very much.) xo
Comment from Joanna S. Blue
I have learned this in life too - by people showing up for me and from the expressions of gratitude when I have shown up. I love the example set by Ann and I'm so glad to see her picture. Another illustration of the chain from teacher to student and on and on.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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I have learned this in life too - by people showing up for me and from the expressions of gratitude when I have shown up. I love the example set by Ann and I'm so glad to see her picture. Another illustration of the chain from teacher to student and on and on.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Yes, it is SUCH an important connection. And it's never forgotten, either. Maya Angelou said it just right: You might forget exactly what someone says to you or even exactly what they've done. But you will NEVER forget how they made you feel.
Thanks for this really nice review, Joanna.
Comment from Sugarray77
I love this story, Rachelle, and enjoyed reading about the importance of 'showing up'. You shared a deep truth that a lot of people do not get. Thanks for sharing this with us!!!
Melissa
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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I love this story, Rachelle, and enjoyed reading about the importance of 'showing up'. You shared a deep truth that a lot of people do not get. Thanks for sharing this with us!!!
Melissa
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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I worry that it's becoming a lost art, Melissa. It's so much easy to text "Sorry for your loss." (And I'm beginning to hate the insincerity of that phrase that comes with its overuse!!! Right up there with Thankyousomuch; you'rethebest, my penultimate pet peeve!!)
Anyway, thank you for your warm and gracious review. xo
Comment from JudyE
What you say here is so very true. It is so important to support each other in small ways as well as in the 'big' moments. When you love someone, you share in the boring/wearying/uninteresting/out-of-your-comfort-zone times just as you do the more entertaining/enjoyable ones.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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What you say here is so very true. It is so important to support each other in small ways as well as in the 'big' moments. When you love someone, you share in the boring/wearying/uninteresting/out-of-your-comfort-zone times just as you do the more entertaining/enjoyable ones.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
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Exactly. Thank you for this spot-on review.
Comment from doggymad1
This was an interesting story for two reasons. Firstly I thought the wake was almost exclusively Irish, and secondly because you have hit the nail on the head about it's importance.
Tradition wakes are held at home here and are rare, but all are expected to attend the funeral home to pay respect to the family and the deceased
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2019
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This was an interesting story for two reasons. Firstly I thought the wake was almost exclusively Irish, and secondly because you have hit the nail on the head about it's importance.
Tradition wakes are held at home here and are rare, but all are expected to attend the funeral home to pay respect to the family and the deceased
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 03-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2019
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I'm almost wondering of this is a dialectic difference. Here, when we go to a funeral home, that is called a wake. No one that I've ever known has had a showing in his or her actual real life house.
At any rate, thank you for reviewing this piece. I liked your comments very much. xo
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When we go to a funeral home, it is called a removal as the dead person is removed to the church for the mass the following day.
A wake is held at home and used to last three days. The body was/is then taken directly to the church instead of via a funeral home.
Hope this was on interest Rachelle
hugs
Freda
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Very interesting, indeed! Where do you live?
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In the Northwest of Ireland a place called Roscommon
x
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AHHHHH!!! I'm in Upstate NY, USA.
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The same Catholic principles apply, but here I think it was a lot to do with keeping costs down too. It is a lot cheaper to wake the person at home xx
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I can imagine. Funeral services here are unbelievably high - as in thousands upon thousands of dollars.
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A basic funeral here costs about 3,000 euro if you opt for cremation. You can double it if you want a plot in a cemetery though
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Wow. That's pretty similar to what it is here.
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Most people pay over a few years here, us included.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is so true, Rachelle, and we all have a duty, (if that's the right word) to be there for those we care for, and for those that our friends care for. It doesn't matter if we might not know them, but it matters to those we do. Your mother looks a sweet lady, I can see the love radiating between you. :)) Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2019
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That is so true, Rachelle, and we all have a duty, (if that's the right word) to be there for those we care for, and for those that our friends care for. It doesn't matter if we might not know them, but it matters to those we do. Your mother looks a sweet lady, I can see the love radiating between you. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 03-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2019
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I agree, Sandra. If you love someone, it's a duty of honor and pride. Ann IS the sweetest of women. And we do, indeed, have so much love for each other. Thank you for saying that. xo
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Well, not to sound 'pandering' here, Ann looks like she carries her own personal light around with her that she can share with just about everyone...whether they want some or not!! :) And you, Beautiful Friend, have definitely gotten that gift from your 'True Mom'..... that picture has a glow around the two of you and it emanates from your smiles!! :) ;)
And your write here is something that SO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE just don't get, Rachelle -- you go to something for your friend/sister/family/etc, NOT for yourself.... but that's what the pervasive attitude among so many of them is... sigh. I had a tear reading your piece here because I have seen the pain in another's eyes when someone important to them did not show up at an event -- happy or sad.
Thanx for your write, Rachelle, and have a great week! ;) ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2019
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Well, not to sound 'pandering' here, Ann looks like she carries her own personal light around with her that she can share with just about everyone...whether they want some or not!! :) And you, Beautiful Friend, have definitely gotten that gift from your 'True Mom'..... that picture has a glow around the two of you and it emanates from your smiles!! :) ;)
And your write here is something that SO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE just don't get, Rachelle -- you go to something for your friend/sister/family/etc, NOT for yourself.... but that's what the pervasive attitude among so many of them is... sigh. I had a tear reading your piece here because I have seen the pain in another's eyes when someone important to them did not show up at an event -- happy or sad.
Thanx for your write, Rachelle, and have a great week! ;) ;) Yvette
Comment Written 03-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2019
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Dearest Sweet Yvette -
I so appreciate your words of love about Ann. I couldn't agree more. She brings SUCH light to everyone she meets. To be grouped with her in that way meant the world. I'll always cherish that compliment. Thank you.
And you're right; showing up for others is becoming a lost art. So extremely sad. All we can do is try to drive the concept home to the children in our lives and hope it sticks.
Thank you for the wonderful review. I couldn't love it more. Enjoy your first REAL week of summer vacation!! xo