Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 108 "Chapter Zweiunddreissig part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
20 total reviews
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Virtual six. I often admire your use of dialogue to push the story forward. The fact that Anderson and his team realize that Kuznetsov now has the upper because they don't have another place to live until two weeks makes me wonder if he will attempt another attack before they move to the new location? Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
PS: So your a teacher. Excellent. I was a 7th grade World Cultures and World Geography for 29 years. Any good teacher will easily have a 50 hour work week and more.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Virtual six. I often admire your use of dialogue to push the story forward. The fact that Anderson and his team realize that Kuznetsov now has the upper because they don't have another place to live until two weeks makes me wonder if he will attempt another attack before they move to the new location? Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
PS: So your a teacher. Excellent. I was a 7th grade World Cultures and World Geography for 29 years. Any good teacher will easily have a 50 hour work week and more.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Thank you for understanding. I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from rama devi
Yes, dear B, you do have the right to rant. I think that was clever putting the note first so more read it
Fine chapter with swift pacing driven by dialog that enhances characterization. Good descriptive detail (just enough, though I suggest adding in aspects of all senses periodically).
Spag nots:
*Action tags--so use periods:
Jeff entered the room,(.) "Oh, excuse me,(.)" h(H)e turned to leave.
He opened his wallet(.) "Why wouldn't I?" and(deleate AND and add HE) handed her a plastic card. "I'm giving you my bank card so you can make purchases."
He opened his wallet. "Why wouldn't I?" He handed her a plastic card. "I'm giving you my bank card so you can make purchases."
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Zachery glanced at his phone,(no comma) but ignored it.
Happy holidays, dear B.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Yes, dear B, you do have the right to rant. I think that was clever putting the note first so more read it
Fine chapter with swift pacing driven by dialog that enhances characterization. Good descriptive detail (just enough, though I suggest adding in aspects of all senses periodically).
Spag nots:
*Action tags--so use periods:
Jeff entered the room,(.) "Oh, excuse me,(.)" h(H)e turned to leave.
He opened his wallet(.) "Why wouldn't I?" and(deleate AND and add HE) handed her a plastic card. "I'm giving you my bank card so you can make purchases."
He opened his wallet. "Why wouldn't I?" He handed her a plastic card. "I'm giving you my bank card so you can make purchases."
*
Zachery glanced at his phone,(no comma) but ignored it.
Happy holidays, dear B.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 20-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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I have had family in for Christmas so am really late taking care of FS story stuff. I did make the corrections and appreciate the help.
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Happy you found it helpful.
Comment from Madeleine Kelly
I love that it was a relatively low conflict scene, but that I was still intrigued in the story, and a lot was said. Good job showing and not telling.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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I love that it was a relatively low conflict scene, but that I was still intrigued in the story, and a lot was said. Good job showing and not telling.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from AdaJulie
It is difficult for me to review items in small bites. Hoever, that being said what i see and understand here seems exceptional. I embrace the monumental task you are taking down one bit at a time.
Im working on one myself that life has a hard time letting me progress very well in. Congrats in your talent, your, perseverance and your influence. Thank you for sharing all.
Good luck; cheers!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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It is difficult for me to review items in small bites. Hoever, that being said what i see and understand here seems exceptional. I embrace the monumental task you are taking down one bit at a time.
Im working on one myself that life has a hard time letting me progress very well in. Congrats in your talent, your, perseverance and your influence. Thank you for sharing all.
Good luck; cheers!
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from tfawcus
Good, solid dialogue again in this. I like the way you have used trust as a central motif in the chapter. This looks like a relationship that is becoming more firmly cemented as time goes on.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Good, solid dialogue again in this. I like the way you have used trust as a central motif in the chapter. This looks like a relationship that is becoming more firmly cemented as time goes on.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Rob Caudle
Barb, your rant alone was worth the rating then you add the writing. well deserved I have been away for a long time, My wife JJ star and I have long been Fans. I have recently taken time away from work and have time once again to write and review. Ilook forward to your continued work here no matter how long it takes after all my novel has been in progress her for years thanks again for all of your words.
Rob
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Barb, your rant alone was worth the rating then you add the writing. well deserved I have been away for a long time, My wife JJ star and I have long been Fans. I have recently taken time away from work and have time once again to write and review. Ilook forward to your continued work here no matter how long it takes after all my novel has been in progress her for years thanks again for all of your words.
Rob
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement. I have a person who's gone into attacking me personally.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Well, some of the reviewing has come across a little rough I see. Stick up for yourself. At the end of the day, it's your name on the story.
if I listened to everyone, I'd never write half the stuff I do... lol
then he did the same." What's going on?" - spacing here.
It was a small brush fire started probably for a diversion- maybe invert to probably started. I think it rolls a little easier.
Jeff smiled. "I guess no swimming will happen tonight. - need closing speech marks here.
"Go ahead and tell me 'I told you so.' I admit was wrong." - I admit I was wrong?
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Hi Barbara,
Well, some of the reviewing has come across a little rough I see. Stick up for yourself. At the end of the day, it's your name on the story.
if I listened to everyone, I'd never write half the stuff I do... lol
then he did the same." What's going on?" - spacing here.
It was a small brush fire started probably for a diversion- maybe invert to probably started. I think it rolls a little easier.
Jeff smiled. "I guess no swimming will happen tonight. - need closing speech marks here.
"Go ahead and tell me 'I told you so.' I admit was wrong." - I admit I was wrong?
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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I have has family in for Christmas and didn't touch FS. I have made the changes and appreciate the help.
Comment from SLMorrical
It's okay to rant. I understand about editing. I am constantly editing my stuff also. I also read what I think it should say. You are a wonderful writer and if you only post a piece of the chapter at a time, that's okay it works for you. This is a wonderful read. The plot thickens. Don't take anything negative to heart, it's because you do things differently, so what. Difference is what makes the world less boring.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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It's okay to rant. I understand about editing. I am constantly editing my stuff also. I also read what I think it should say. You are a wonderful writer and if you only post a piece of the chapter at a time, that's okay it works for you. This is a wonderful read. The plot thickens. Don't take anything negative to heart, it's because you do things differently, so what. Difference is what makes the world less boring.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Thank you. I have no problems with people pointing out mistakes I make, but I don't like personal attacks.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
First of all, I have to say that we can't let the reviewers take away our joy. Your story is being told the way you want to. I, for one, continue to be enchanted by the love story that exists along with the intrigue of so much hubbub over a painting.
I think it is a challenge to post a chapter and hold the reader's interest and make them want to come back for more.
This chapter continued the romance between Shana and Drew, and I loved the kitten's part within the storyline. (I'm certainly someone who can understand the role of animals in any story.)
~patty~
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Hi, Barbara,
First of all, I have to say that we can't let the reviewers take away our joy. Your story is being told the way you want to. I, for one, continue to be enchanted by the love story that exists along with the intrigue of so much hubbub over a painting.
I think it is a challenge to post a chapter and hold the reader's interest and make them want to come back for more.
This chapter continued the romance between Shana and Drew, and I loved the kitten's part within the storyline. (I'm certainly someone who can understand the role of animals in any story.)
~patty~
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Thank you for understanding. I have no problems with people making corrections in my writing. That's why I post. I want the help, but I don't like personal attacks.
Comment from apky
Sorry the criticisms got under your skin. I too don't like my hero and heroine jumping into bed quickly. In Golden Shana series, which are full books of 130+ thousand words each, Roman spends the first book chasing after Shana and sorting out his previous life and businesses. They don't get to bed until the end of the second book, and then have no sex there either. The sex is not the problem; the development of the characters is.
Another excellent chapter that has moved the story and characters forward in their arcs.
"I know. She's five, but I wanted her to feel she's part of it." ~ This is not just a lovely thing for Shana to say (and think about), it's also a revelation of her inner feelings, a glimpse about her actually thinking "long term" with Drew and Emily, despite the way she acts.
I admit (I) was wrong
"That didn't sound right, did it?" Anderson avoided their stares. ~ and this (I know, just shoot me afterwards) doesn't go with a strong successful man like Anderson. He wouldn't say this out loud, he's the sort of person who'd rather have this as an internal thought.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Sorry the criticisms got under your skin. I too don't like my hero and heroine jumping into bed quickly. In Golden Shana series, which are full books of 130+ thousand words each, Roman spends the first book chasing after Shana and sorting out his previous life and businesses. They don't get to bed until the end of the second book, and then have no sex there either. The sex is not the problem; the development of the characters is.
Another excellent chapter that has moved the story and characters forward in their arcs.
"I know. She's five, but I wanted her to feel she's part of it." ~ This is not just a lovely thing for Shana to say (and think about), it's also a revelation of her inner feelings, a glimpse about her actually thinking "long term" with Drew and Emily, despite the way she acts.
I admit (I) was wrong
"That didn't sound right, did it?" Anderson avoided their stares. ~ and this (I know, just shoot me afterwards) doesn't go with a strong successful man like Anderson. He wouldn't say this out loud, he's the sort of person who'd rather have this as an internal thought.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018
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Please don't think this was directed toward you because it was NOT. I don't mind people pointing out errors in my writing. What I take offense to is personal attacks. There's no reason for personal attacks. I wouldn't think of insulting other authors. We should act professional, if we want to be professionals.
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I know what you mean. I've encountered some very unprofessional "comments" here too.