Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 92 "Chapter Achtundzwanzig Part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
18 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
An action packed chapter! Just a couple of small points. Logically, "It landed on the floor as a bullet fired into the wall" should perhaps be the other way round. It was the impact on the floor that caused the gun to fire (A bullet fired into the wall as it landed on the floor).
"It wasn't that far of a fall" seemed to be an odd sentence construction. Perhaps something like "It wasn't that great a fall" or "It hadn't fallen far" might read more smoothly.
I'm looking forward to finding out how the next chapter is going to play out.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2018
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An action packed chapter! Just a couple of small points. Logically, "It landed on the floor as a bullet fired into the wall" should perhaps be the other way round. It was the impact on the floor that caused the gun to fire (A bullet fired into the wall as it landed on the floor).
"It wasn't that far of a fall" seemed to be an odd sentence construction. Perhaps something like "It wasn't that great a fall" or "It hadn't fallen far" might read more smoothly.
I'm looking forward to finding out how the next chapter is going to play out.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2018
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I'm sorry you had to read this after the money had expired. I do appreciate the review. I made the suggested changes.
Comment from Sasha
This is an exciting and scary chapter. Poor Shana, what a scary situation to be in. Drew's ex-wife is crazy and now it seems she has been buying her drugs from the Russians who have put her up to shooting Shanna. Drew is going to be very angry. I know I would be.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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This is an exciting and scary chapter. Poor Shana, what a scary situation to be in. Drew's ex-wife is crazy and now it seems she has been buying her drugs from the Russians who have put her up to shooting Shanna. Drew is going to be very angry. I know I would be.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Drew will be furious. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
A good chapter to describe the kerfuffle between Shana and Patricia. Poor Shana. It seems like everyone is doubting that it was just a little 'shove.'
Drew is going to blow a gasket when he finds out his team let Patricia in the house.
Looking forward to what will happen next,
~patty~
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Hi, Barbara,
A good chapter to describe the kerfuffle between Shana and Patricia. Poor Shana. It seems like everyone is doubting that it was just a little 'shove.'
Drew is going to blow a gasket when he finds out his team let Patricia in the house.
Looking forward to what will happen next,
~patty~
Comment Written 28-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Thank you the encouraging review.
Comment from apky
Well, am I relieved that nothing happened to either Shana or Patricia.
If the gun going off had hurt Patricia, I can imagine that Shana would end up even more mortified. And if Shana got hurt, I can't begin to fathom how Drew would have reacted.
Very well written, fast and emotional.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Well, am I relieved that nothing happened to either Shana or Patricia.
If the gun going off had hurt Patricia, I can imagine that Shana would end up even more mortified. And if Shana got hurt, I can't begin to fathom how Drew would have reacted.
Very well written, fast and emotional.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Patricia probably got herself drunk because she didn't want to kill Shana, and it worked out for the best.
Shana continued to hold Patricia's head + [,] - [and] putting pressure on the gash. (...head, putting...)
But I don't understand [why's]--> [why] she's still unconscious.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Patricia probably got herself drunk because she didn't want to kill Shana, and it worked out for the best.
Shana continued to hold Patricia's head + [,] - [and] putting pressure on the gash. (...head, putting...)
But I don't understand [why's]--> [why] she's still unconscious.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the catches. I've made the changes.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Drew is going to blow his top when he finds out. I think this will definitely stop Patricia getting her hands on her daughter. What judge would give custody to an addict and attempted murderer? No chance! Now to get to the truth of why the Russians are keep to kill Shana. Well done, my friend! :) Sandra x
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Drew is going to blow his top when he finds out. I think this will definitely stop Patricia getting her hands on her daughter. What judge would give custody to an addict and attempted murderer? No chance! Now to get to the truth of why the Russians are keep to kill Shana. Well done, my friend! :) Sandra x
Comment Written 27-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from c_lucas
Shana gained some point when she disarmed Patricia. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Shana gained some point when she disarmed Patricia. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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My pleasure.
Comment from ciliverde
Great chapter, I was sure (hoping anyway) that Shana would somehow be able to disable Patricia.
You might want to say Emergency Personnel here, instead of EMT as some people may not know what the acronym stands for. At any rate, it should be pluralized at least (EMTs)
'Jeff turned his head as EMT entered the room.'
I am quite sure Anderson will not be at all happy when he hears the news!
Carol
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Great chapter, I was sure (hoping anyway) that Shana would somehow be able to disable Patricia.
You might want to say Emergency Personnel here, instead of EMT as some people may not know what the acronym stands for. At any rate, it should be pluralized at least (EMTs)
'Jeff turned his head as EMT entered the room.'
I am quite sure Anderson will not be at all happy when he hears the news!
Carol
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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I had EMTs now I am wondering where the s went. I will check it out. Thank you. I appreciate the help.
Comment from rama devi
WQhew - so glad Shana is alright. Sounds like Patricia may have been brainwashed, also?
This is a good installment. The reader is drawn into the tension of the scene. Excellent pacing, driven by dialog. Excellent characterization. Just two spag suggestions:
"When she pulled the gun, she said she owed people money and(,) to pay off the debt(,) she was to kill me."
Yes, I will pray for the children.
Best Wishes for your next school year.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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WQhew - so glad Shana is alright. Sounds like Patricia may have been brainwashed, also?
This is a good installment. The reader is drawn into the tension of the scene. Excellent pacing, driven by dialog. Excellent characterization. Just two spag suggestions:
"When she pulled the gun, she said she owed people money and(,) to pay off the debt(,) she was to kill me."
Yes, I will pray for the children.
Best Wishes for your next school year.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the comma catches. I knew those, they were an oversight.
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That's why its' always good to get extra eyes on our work. :)
Comment from Adri7enne
I don't understand why that scroll box just won't open. I guess you have to start writing in the review box to activate it. Darned nuisance.
"But I don't understand why'S she'S still unconscious." Remove one of those "S".
Yes, another good chapter, Barb. Good tension, terrific pace. It moves right along. I wonder why you have your chapter titles in German? Or is it German? You might at least number it with Arabic numerals so I could keep them straight. LOL!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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I don't understand why that scroll box just won't open. I guess you have to start writing in the review box to activate it. Darned nuisance.
"But I don't understand why'S she'S still unconscious." Remove one of those "S".
Yes, another good chapter, Barb. Good tension, terrific pace. It moves right along. I wonder why you have your chapter titles in German? Or is it German? You might at least number it with Arabic numerals so I could keep them straight. LOL!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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I am wondering how they got there. I will fix it, immediately. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I do it in German because I've already used all forms of English, numerals, Spanish and now German. FS won't let me repeat, but I've come up with a plan for my next book. I'll finish this one the way I started it.