Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 91 "Chapter Achtundzwanzig Part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
26 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Can see you are tired. I missed this chapter, unfortunately. Your Author notes are a bit strange. Good chapter and I hope Shana gets around this mad woman.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Can see you are tired. I missed this chapter, unfortunately. Your Author notes are a bit strange. Good chapter and I hope Shana gets around this mad woman.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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I sure hope so too. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from J Dan Francis
Hello Barbara. Got my interest right off the start. Held me all the way. I'm no great reviewer because I lack in the punctuation dept. But, I can tell you this piece flows well. I want to read the whole story.just a couple of things you might want to look at. Only my opinion. Not something you absolutely need to change.
He held the woman's arm. (The word woman makes her more human and vulnerable)
Patricia yanked her arm away. I would try: Patricia yanked her arm back. (It's an awkward moment)
Great piece, thank you. Turn me on to some more.
My best to you.
J Dan Francis
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Hello Barbara. Got my interest right off the start. Held me all the way. I'm no great reviewer because I lack in the punctuation dept. But, I can tell you this piece flows well. I want to read the whole story.just a couple of things you might want to look at. Only my opinion. Not something you absolutely need to change.
He held the woman's arm. (The word woman makes her more human and vulnerable)
Patricia yanked her arm away. I would try: Patricia yanked her arm back. (It's an awkward moment)
Great piece, thank you. Turn me on to some more.
My best to you.
J Dan Francis
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from LaFrance
This was a thrilling chapter, with a lot of suspense. You did a good job of describing the scene and the dialogue was exciting and kept me engaged in the chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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This was a thrilling chapter, with a lot of suspense. You did a good job of describing the scene and the dialogue was exciting and kept me engaged in the chapter.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Sasha
Sorry your new principal has messed up your schedule. Don't worry about reviewing. I am behind myself. It seems Drew's wife has taken a job from the Russians, a BIG mistake. If she thinks he has problems with Drew now, just wait until he finds out. I am sure his security is able to prevent her from doing any real harm...at least I hope so.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Sorry your new principal has messed up your schedule. Don't worry about reviewing. I am behind myself. It seems Drew's wife has taken a job from the Russians, a BIG mistake. If she thinks he has problems with Drew now, just wait until he finds out. I am sure his security is able to prevent her from doing any real harm...at least I hope so.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Thank you for understanding and the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
It certainly looks as though Shauna is in a nasty position. You've used internal dialogue very well in this chapter to help the reader to see things from her point of view. The writing is fluent and you have created good tension.
One comment about this bit of dialogue. I'd probably have punctuated both speeches with a comma, though the period in Patricia's speech does throw emphasis on spitting out the "Is it?"
"It's really none of your business. Is it?"
"You're right(,) it's not."
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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It certainly looks as though Shauna is in a nasty position. You've used internal dialogue very well in this chapter to help the reader to see things from her point of view. The writing is fluent and you have created good tension.
One comment about this bit of dialogue. I'd probably have punctuated both speeches with a comma, though the period in Patricia's speech does throw emphasis on spitting out the "Is it?"
"It's really none of your business. Is it?"
"You're right(,) it's not."
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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I want 'Is it?' separate for emphasis. As for the next suggestion, one of my comma police reviewers missed it. Thank you for the catch. I have added the comma. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I normally review on Saturday's but had to spend 6 hours on school stuff besides my normal housework. SORRY!! Barbara don't be sorry! You give us works like this to enjoy don't worry about reviewing only your own writing it is truly outstanding kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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I normally review on Saturday's but had to spend 6 hours on school stuff besides my normal housework. SORRY!! Barbara don't be sorry! You give us works like this to enjoy don't worry about reviewing only your own writing it is truly outstanding kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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AHHH, thank you.
Comment from ciliverde
Oh boy, Shana really made a mistake letting Patricia come inside. She is clearly "on" something so I hope that makes her a bad aim. It's not as easy to shoot what you're aiming at with a pistol as people think. Shana has got to think on her feet here - or maybe Patricia will pass out first?
Exciting chapter. I've missed quite a few, I think I'm coming back in near the end?
Carol
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Oh boy, Shana really made a mistake letting Patricia come inside. She is clearly "on" something so I hope that makes her a bad aim. It's not as easy to shoot what you're aiming at with a pistol as people think. Shana has got to think on her feet here - or maybe Patricia will pass out first?
Exciting chapter. I've missed quite a few, I think I'm coming back in near the end?
Carol
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Oh, wow! I don't think I was expecting this. Patricia has a gun! Shana should not have told Oscar she would be okay meeting with Patricia. It's hard to imagine that Anderson has left Patricia without money. She just seems to like indulging in self-pity. Now she seems to have aligned herself with the Russians because she feels so desperate for money, and they are demanding she kill Shana. This is very suspenseful. We know that Patricia's hand is shaking. Would she really have the nerve to shoot? She has put herself in a desperate situation. Hope things will be going better at school, so you'll have more time for FS! judi
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Oh, wow! I don't think I was expecting this. Patricia has a gun! Shana should not have told Oscar she would be okay meeting with Patricia. It's hard to imagine that Anderson has left Patricia without money. She just seems to like indulging in self-pity. Now she seems to have aligned herself with the Russians because she feels so desperate for money, and they are demanding she kill Shana. This is very suspenseful. We know that Patricia's hand is shaking. Would she really have the nerve to shoot? She has put herself in a desperate situation. Hope things will be going better at school, so you'll have more time for FS! judi
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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I guess this story has gone on too long, because people have forgotten about Patricia and her meeting with Drew at the penthouse. Drew left with $30,000 a month alimony and $25,000 month child support. She's doing okay, I would say. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from barkingdog
Well, if I had to pick a time to come back and continue reading this story, I sure hit the jackpot. This is a terrific chapter. The lead in from the previous chapter was perfect and then it was a non-stop read.
With Oscar dismissed, what can Shana do with the tipsy ex with a gun?
Your dialogue is marvelous and flows so naturally. I was a fly on the wall. haha
I guess, I'll have to keep up with this again like I did before.
I saw no corrections and thought you combined inner thought and dialogue perfectly.
:) ellen xoxox
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Well, if I had to pick a time to come back and continue reading this story, I sure hit the jackpot. This is a terrific chapter. The lead in from the previous chapter was perfect and then it was a non-stop read.
With Oscar dismissed, what can Shana do with the tipsy ex with a gun?
Your dialogue is marvelous and flows so naturally. I was a fly on the wall. haha
I guess, I'll have to keep up with this again like I did before.
I saw no corrections and thought you combined inner thought and dialogue perfectly.
:) ellen xoxox
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
Wow - I never saw this coming. Patricia is a dangerous character, and I honestly hope the security checks on Shana.
This chapter is written very well - and tight. The stress at work must be making your creative juices flow!
I will continue to pray for you as you go through this trying time,
~patty~
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Hi, Barbara,
Wow - I never saw this coming. Patricia is a dangerous character, and I honestly hope the security checks on Shana.
This chapter is written very well - and tight. The stress at work must be making your creative juices flow!
I will continue to pray for you as you go through this trying time,
~patty~
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.