Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 62 "Chapter Neunzehn part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
26 total reviews
Comment from mbroyles2
Sorry for the late review, it has been a crazy week. I barely have time to think.
Now, I think Drew is making progress and Shana is definitely warming up to him
The question is how will papa Benjamin respond?
Great story.
Michael
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Sorry for the late review, it has been a crazy week. I barely have time to think.
Now, I think Drew is making progress and Shana is definitely warming up to him
The question is how will papa Benjamin respond?
Great story.
Michael
Comment Written 03-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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I am sure Benjamin would not respond well. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
I am behind in reviewing. I find nothing wrong and compliment you for bringing to life the nightmares and the cause. Visiting those place now, wild flowers grow beyond measure. Perhaps a sign of something new is on the horizon. Thanks for sharing you lovely story.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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I am behind in reviewing. I find nothing wrong and compliment you for bringing to life the nightmares and the cause. Visiting those place now, wild flowers grow beyond measure. Perhaps a sign of something new is on the horizon. Thanks for sharing you lovely story.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. When we were in Germany, we visited those places and I got goosebumps.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Moments later, Shana opened her eyes. "Were you here all night?" After Anderson nodded, she covered her mouth. "Papa will not be happy."
"Nothing happened. I sat up all night. I have a stiff neck to prove it." He rolled his head back and forth. ' This made me smile. I always enjoy your work so much Barbara. Loved this as always kindest regards and well done for keeping the tension going love and regards Meia x
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Moments later, Shana opened her eyes. "Were you here all night?" After Anderson nodded, she covered her mouth. "Papa will not be happy."
"Nothing happened. I sat up all night. I have a stiff neck to prove it." He rolled his head back and forth. ' This made me smile. I always enjoy your work so much Barbara. Loved this as always kindest regards and well done for keeping the tension going love and regards Meia x
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Thank you for the generous words.
Comment from Owais Khan
Hello Barbara!
I like this short excerpt detailing a night-time rendezvous between the two protagonists. The pangs of terror in an attack of anxiety have been accurately portrayed, and the back-and-forth between the characters lends a sense of realism that is refreshing to read. Your writing style is charming and conversational, and your detailing of your characters inner train of thought lends a sense of vicariousness to those reading your writing!
Thank you for posting this, looking forward to reading more of your writing!
Lots of love, Owais
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Hello Barbara!
I like this short excerpt detailing a night-time rendezvous between the two protagonists. The pangs of terror in an attack of anxiety have been accurately portrayed, and the back-and-forth between the characters lends a sense of realism that is refreshing to read. Your writing style is charming and conversational, and your detailing of your characters inner train of thought lends a sense of vicariousness to those reading your writing!
Thank you for posting this, looking forward to reading more of your writing!
Lots of love, Owais
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Thank you for the generous words.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Barbara
I find it absolutely believable that someone could be psychically affected by being on the ground where terrible atrocities are committed, such as Dachau. I know the memorials serve a purpose, but one has to be prepared for the emotional shock. So, for me this was a powerful plot point. Drew certainly came through as well, bringing he and Shana closer. Very well done!
:) Bev
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Hi, Barbara
I find it absolutely believable that someone could be psychically affected by being on the ground where terrible atrocities are committed, such as Dachau. I know the memorials serve a purpose, but one has to be prepared for the emotional shock. So, for me this was a powerful plot point. Drew certainly came through as well, bringing he and Shana closer. Very well done!
:) Bev
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Thank you for the generous words.
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You're very welcome, Barbara. :) Bev
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Out of sixes. Very touching scene between Shana and Anderson. You could feel his compassion, his desire to protect as well as Shana's vulnerability, her initial reluctance to have him stay . Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
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Good afternoon, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Out of sixes. Very touching scene between Shana and Anderson. You could feel his compassion, his desire to protect as well as Shana's vulnerability, her initial reluctance to have him stay . Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 30-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Halfree
I had some problems getting into the story (perhaps I am somewhat slow). Having not read all the preceding chapters might also be a factor. There is a style I call "and then". The "and then" approach tells a story something like "we went to the store and then we bought some stuff and then we had lunch and then we..."
I think the tense of this story gives me a problem, it seems to be in the past tense.
Line..He attempted to move his hand..." perhaps "If I am going to get you a glass, you have let go of my hand... We now know she is holding his hand without having to say so.
Too much detail slows the story and yet detail is needed to inform the reader.
Think the story needs some editing and rewrite. It is, however, a powerful story that needs to be told.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
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I had some problems getting into the story (perhaps I am somewhat slow). Having not read all the preceding chapters might also be a factor. There is a style I call "and then". The "and then" approach tells a story something like "we went to the store and then we bought some stuff and then we had lunch and then we..."
I think the tense of this story gives me a problem, it seems to be in the past tense.
Line..He attempted to move his hand..." perhaps "If I am going to get you a glass, you have let go of my hand... We now know she is holding his hand without having to say so.
Too much detail slows the story and yet detail is needed to inform the reader.
Think the story needs some editing and rewrite. It is, however, a powerful story that needs to be told.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
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I see you don't like my style of writing and that's fine. There's a lot of styles I don't like. That being said, I don't mark the author down because of it. I write all of my novels in past tense which happens to be the preferred style for romance novels and is what publishers look for. I do appreciate you taking time to read.
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My review was of the posting and never you. I happen to think that you have talent, otherwise you would never hear from me. If you do not want me to review your work, I will stop. If I review, I will be honest, I also might be wrong.
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I value all opinions and I do want honesty, but I will also answer back honestly. I am just not sure everybody has read the guidelines for Romance novels.
Comment from Solrac1
I like the very well developed plot. I also like the natural dialogue and the vivid description of the scene. The transition between two different times was simple and effective.
I have a couple of suggestions. You might want to check,
*** For a few moments { moments,} silence remained as Shana's breathing returned to normal.
*** Shana released a deep breath. "I had them for maybe five or six months and
{ months and - months, and} then they stopped."
*** "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. { about - Preposition at the end of the sentence} I'll never judge you, and it'll go no further than me."
*** Early the following morning, Anderson was awakened { was awakened - passive voice}by his
*** start my day. Philip called and { called and - called, and }I need to see what he wanted." He re-covered { re-covered - recovered } her. "Sleep as long as you need to." He turned to leave.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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I like the very well developed plot. I also like the natural dialogue and the vivid description of the scene. The transition between two different times was simple and effective.
I have a couple of suggestions. You might want to check,
*** For a few moments { moments,} silence remained as Shana's breathing returned to normal.
*** Shana released a deep breath. "I had them for maybe five or six months and
{ months and - months, and} then they stopped."
*** "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. { about - Preposition at the end of the sentence} I'll never judge you, and it'll go no further than me."
*** Early the following morning, Anderson was awakened { was awakened - passive voice}by his
*** start my day. Philip called and { called and - called, and }I need to see what he wanted." He re-covered { re-covered - recovered } her. "Sleep as long as you need to." He turned to leave.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Thank you for the very detailed review. I have made the changes. I HATE commas. LOL
Comment from Ric Myworld
If I were Drew, I probably wouldn't be telling Benjamin that he stayed up all night with Shana. Her father might consider him bragging, rather just confessing his innocence. Okay, shame on me, I just couldn't help my self. "The devil made me say it." Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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If I were Drew, I probably wouldn't be telling Benjamin that he stayed up all night with Shana. Her father might consider him bragging, rather just confessing his innocence. Okay, shame on me, I just couldn't help my self. "The devil made me say it." Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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I figure Benjamin would see it as a disgrace. I am sure he wouldn't understand. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Fine chapter driven in a swift pace by dialog that enhances characterization and the relationship. Fine closing. Fine sentence mechanics. A few snags (noted below), with five stars in advance since you always fix those.
*
For a few moments(,) silence remained as Shana's breathing returned to normal.
*
She pulled the covers closer over her damp pajamas. "I told you about going to Germany for my sixteenth birthday and visiting Auschwitz and Dachau." Shana stopped talking.
Shana stopped talking is telling what the reader knows already. better to use an action tag there. Example:
he pulled the covers closer over her damp pajamas. "I told you about going to Germany for my sixteenth birthday and visiting Auschwitz and Dachau." Shana took a deep breath.
* Those books(--)in combination with your concentration camps visit.(--) Wow!"
Those books--in combination with your concentration camps visit--Wow!"
*"I had them for maybe five or six months(.) and then they stopped."
*Oh great and powerful billionaire(,) who has people hanging onto your every word,
*
Early the following morning, Anderson was awakened by his ringing cell phone, but he had missed the call.
Passive voicing (was awakened).
Suggest;
Early the following morning, Anderson's cell phone awoke him, but he had missed the call.
* Nothing happened(,) and I never laid beside her.
*"I'd better start my day. Philip called(,) and I need to see what he wanted."
*He recovered her.
Recovered has a different meaning, Perhaps re-covered would be more apropos so as not to confuse readers? Or rephrasing with something like: 'He covered her back up' or "he drew the covers back over her'. The latter would be more visually appealing anyway.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Fine chapter driven in a swift pace by dialog that enhances characterization and the relationship. Fine closing. Fine sentence mechanics. A few snags (noted below), with five stars in advance since you always fix those.
*
For a few moments(,) silence remained as Shana's breathing returned to normal.
*
She pulled the covers closer over her damp pajamas. "I told you about going to Germany for my sixteenth birthday and visiting Auschwitz and Dachau." Shana stopped talking.
Shana stopped talking is telling what the reader knows already. better to use an action tag there. Example:
he pulled the covers closer over her damp pajamas. "I told you about going to Germany for my sixteenth birthday and visiting Auschwitz and Dachau." Shana took a deep breath.
* Those books(--)in combination with your concentration camps visit.(--) Wow!"
Those books--in combination with your concentration camps visit--Wow!"
*"I had them for maybe five or six months(.) and then they stopped."
*Oh great and powerful billionaire(,) who has people hanging onto your every word,
*
Early the following morning, Anderson was awakened by his ringing cell phone, but he had missed the call.
Passive voicing (was awakened).
Suggest;
Early the following morning, Anderson's cell phone awoke him, but he had missed the call.
* Nothing happened(,) and I never laid beside her.
*"I'd better start my day. Philip called(,) and I need to see what he wanted."
*He recovered her.
Recovered has a different meaning, Perhaps re-covered would be more apropos so as not to confuse readers? Or rephrasing with something like: 'He covered her back up' or "he drew the covers back over her'. The latter would be more visually appealing anyway.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2018
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Thank you for the very detailed review. I have made the changes. I HATE commas. LOL
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:-))