Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Chapter Funf part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
35 total reviews
Comment from Sefiros
Well if there's an award for worst mother ever, Patricia would win. I feel like the chapter is too short. It left me wanting more. However I realize the structure is in place for a reason. In short good job.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
  |
Well if there's an award for worst mother ever, Patricia would win. I feel like the chapter is too short. It left me wanting more. However I realize the structure is in place for a reason. In short good job.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
I struggle with the post lengths myself. Usually three or four posts equal one chapter; that's why I use the parts. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ella25
Exceptional chapter, Barbara. I could not stop reading, breathtaking story and fascinating. You are such talented writer, my friend. I am eagerly waiting for more. With love, Ella
Ps..I do not have that extra star. It is deserving.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
Exceptional chapter, Barbara. I could not stop reading, breathtaking story and fascinating. You are such talented writer, my friend. I am eagerly waiting for more. With love, Ella
Ps..I do not have that extra star. It is deserving.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for the generous review.
-
You are welcome, Barbara. With love, Ella
Comment from MelB
I've missed this story. I hope I didn't miss any chapters. I will have to go back and look. I've been off the site for 3 weeks. It's progressing along well.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
I've missed this story. I hope I didn't miss any chapters. I will have to go back and look. I've been off the site for 3 weeks. It's progressing along well.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
I hope all is well with you. I appreciate you stopping by and leaving this review.
Comment from Wardine
I really enjoyed this piece! I thoroughly appreciated the pacing and wording chosen. The author impacted the reader with their choice of language. I will read more from this author!
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
I really enjoyed this piece! I thoroughly appreciated the pacing and wording chosen. The author impacted the reader with their choice of language. I will read more from this author!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from strivinginsc
Starts out good, but then gets confused about who is talking. No clear ending of one conversation to the next. Got confused with change of character. Thought I was in one conversation, then another; not enough presented to follow the story. But since others get it, I am giving you the 5 stars.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
Starts out good, but then gets confused about who is talking. No clear ending of one conversation to the next. Got confused with change of character. Thought I was in one conversation, then another; not enough presented to follow the story. But since others get it, I am giving you the 5 stars.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Sorry, but the rest of my reviewers had no issues.
-
I looked at your work as if I was buying it. I am sorry I didn't get it like others did. I thought I was being honest. I will change your rating like the others.
-
I want an honest rating, but that being said, I don't think it's a fair rating if you have NOT read the previous posts and don't understand the story line and characters. My posts are only a small of longer chapters.
Comment from DonandVicki
A very interesting and imaginative story. I will have to go back and get caught up on the last chapters you pulled me into the plot and left me wanting more.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
A very interesting and imaginative story. I will have to go back and get caught up on the last chapters you pulled me into the plot and left me wanting more.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
This is realistic, raising some important issues. It is engaging and fascinating to read. I enjoyed it immensely and as always look forward to reading more of your phenomenal writing you certainly have a gift. Kindest regards Meia :)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
This is realistic, raising some important issues. It is engaging and fascinating to read. I enjoyed it immensely and as always look forward to reading more of your phenomenal writing you certainly have a gift. Kindest regards Meia :)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Lu Saluna
Congratulations on your sixth post. I see you ranked at #7, that is fantastic!
I have just posted my fifth chapter and next week I hope to get my sixth posted so I can get my rank as well.
Great chapter. The dialogue was fascinating, good detail. Nice to find out more about his ex-wife. Sounds like a real prize (not). Shana is jumping the gun a little but she is being extremely thoughtful, not wanting to have Anderson risk losing his daughter. However, she is putting herself at risk and worrying everyone. They all seem to be growing quite fond of Shana.
Just noted a few locations where I thought changes may need to occur. Just friendly suggestions. Your decision. Either way, you have written a fine chapter.
explained to his custody lawyer everything that
explained to his custody lawyer, everything that
Add a comma after 'lawyer'
See changes in brackets
"I have an automatic transfer of twelve thousand dollars for child support(.) (T)wenty thousand dollars for alimony on the first of each month(,) as well. Plus(,) I'm paying for private preschool she rarely attends because Patricia(,) can't get her to school."
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
Congratulations on your sixth post. I see you ranked at #7, that is fantastic!
I have just posted my fifth chapter and next week I hope to get my sixth posted so I can get my rank as well.
Great chapter. The dialogue was fascinating, good detail. Nice to find out more about his ex-wife. Sounds like a real prize (not). Shana is jumping the gun a little but she is being extremely thoughtful, not wanting to have Anderson risk losing his daughter. However, she is putting herself at risk and worrying everyone. They all seem to be growing quite fond of Shana.
Just noted a few locations where I thought changes may need to occur. Just friendly suggestions. Your decision. Either way, you have written a fine chapter.
explained to his custody lawyer everything that
explained to his custody lawyer, everything that
Add a comma after 'lawyer'
See changes in brackets
"I have an automatic transfer of twelve thousand dollars for child support(.) (T)wenty thousand dollars for alimony on the first of each month(,) as well. Plus(,) I'm paying for private preschool she rarely attends because Patricia(,) can't get her to school."
Comment Written 07-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I will look at those areas.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
So what, happy ending, missing link discovered; author has offered a nice work has mysterious but traditional theme, plotted well with fast forward progression, captured in free flow of thoughts, structured with ups and downs, dramatic with climax, projected with good beginning and a curious ending I liked.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
So what, happy ending, missing link discovered; author has offered a nice work has mysterious but traditional theme, plotted well with fast forward progression, captured in free flow of thoughts, structured with ups and downs, dramatic with climax, projected with good beginning and a curious ending I liked.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from kriver
Hi Barbara,
I think you have an excellent story line going here. It easily holds the interest of the reader. Several spag areas: incorrect use of the word (except) means to leave out. (Accept) means to receive something. The sentence with the word (incidences) is an awkward sentence and the word is misspelled. Rewrite the sentence easier to use different wording. Anyways, I think it is a good chapter over all just needs some minor corrections.
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
|
Hi Barbara,
I think you have an excellent story line going here. It easily holds the interest of the reader. Several spag areas: incorrect use of the word (except) means to leave out. (Accept) means to receive something. The sentence with the word (incidences) is an awkward sentence and the word is misspelled. Rewrite the sentence easier to use different wording. Anyways, I think it is a good chapter over all just needs some minor corrections.
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 06-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.