The Betrayal
A GPS hacker.2 total reviews
Comment from Tim Margetts
Well now, that was unexpected.
Now I want to know what happened next. How did Cindy get her revenge and what happened when Max was exposed.
The only real criticism I would make is that the end seemed rushed.
I know it is hard to fit everything into such a short word count. I often find that with this sort of thing, the planning takes me more time than the writing in order to get the flow through the story at a good pace.
Well done and good luck.
Tim
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2025
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Well now, that was unexpected.
Now I want to know what happened next. How did Cindy get her revenge and what happened when Max was exposed.
The only real criticism I would make is that the end seemed rushed.
I know it is hard to fit everything into such a short word count. I often find that with this sort of thing, the planning takes me more time than the writing in order to get the flow through the story at a good pace.
Well done and good luck.
Tim
Comment Written 18-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2025
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Thank you, Tim, I agree. I was trying to decide what to embellish more...her panic of being lost since that's what the story was supposed to be about or the ending portions and how she figured it out. I changed it up a few times before I submitted it. Originally, I was having Max's rich uncle paying Max to sabotage the interview because Max's uncle was the other interviewee. And how Max was able to hack into the system. It became more about that and how they got caught versus the prompt being "lost"
So with my inexperience in writing stories of any kind that, was my dilemma.
And yes, I want to know what happens next too! lol
Thank you so much for the review and your comment and suggestions.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
What an intense and gripping story! The stakes were so high from the start. You captured Cindy's growing desperation beautifully. The twist with Max sabotaging her was so shocking. This could easily be the start for a larger thriller. Great work!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2025
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What an intense and gripping story! The stakes were so high from the start. You captured Cindy's growing desperation beautifully. The twist with Max sabotaging her was so shocking. This could easily be the start for a larger thriller. Great work!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2025
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Thank you Michael for this nice review. I appreciate it! So many of the short stories out there definitely have that ability to just be the beginning of a grander story!
