New York's Best: the NYDOE
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The NYCDoHD Spells Jobs"A Musical in One Act
30 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
I think it was pretty low of Kincade to suggest begging. Even if he had his doubts about Zachary's ability, he could have sent him out on something. I think he wants to keep Zachary dependent on him, wants him to come back. You might make more use of the numbers of people you have waiting. Kincade has given Zachary preferential treatment as seen by the brusque way in which he addresses the other job seekers at the end. It's like he's found a son in Zachary. Maybe he'll offer to take Zachary home with him when he comes back next week. It'll be interesting to see how you work the music in. Good luck! judi
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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I think it was pretty low of Kincade to suggest begging. Even if he had his doubts about Zachary's ability, he could have sent him out on something. I think he wants to keep Zachary dependent on him, wants him to come back. You might make more use of the numbers of people you have waiting. Kincade has given Zachary preferential treatment as seen by the brusque way in which he addresses the other job seekers at the end. It's like he's found a son in Zachary. Maybe he'll offer to take Zachary home with him when he comes back next week. It'll be interesting to see how you work the music in. Good luck! judi
Comment Written 30-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2022
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But you do know the "next week" is unresolved. This is the last scene. I'm sure you do, but others have told me they can't wait to see the next scene. I left it open as to who could possibly be the "odd duck". Helen thought it might be Zachary's father. I have another flirting with the back of my mind. But it remains an unknown as far as the play goes. Judy, thank you for helping to make this scene, specifically, but also the entire play a success with your comments and stars.
Jay
Comment from Kaiku
The kid has moxie. An interesting exchange. Be interested to know the numbers, that is, of the people offered the 'opportunity' to beg and double their fortune, how many would go that route.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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The kid has moxie. An interesting exchange. Be interested to know the numbers, that is, of the people offered the 'opportunity' to beg and double their fortune, how many would go that route.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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I don't know. I'd have to be awfully hard up to do that. I might even modify the conditions by not allowing signs of any kind doing the begging for him. That would mean he'd have to prostrate himself verbally to get money.
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Got it.
Comment from Kayte Ray
I have been the person in the department of human services begging for some kind of work. I really like this piece. You have well expressed some very difficult emotions. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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I have been the person in the department of human services begging for some kind of work. I really like this piece. You have well expressed some very difficult emotions. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thank you kayte Ray. I'm glad you felt the play was enjoyable. Now to get some songs prepared!
Jay
Comment from royowen
What a fascinating script, Zachary sounds like a young man that life has tried to flatten, but is not flat enough, and the powers that be, want to flatten him more. There's a piece in the gospels where Jesus hears a plea by a man who desperately doesn't want to beg as an outcome of his life. This sounds little like that. A most imaginative post. Well done, Jay, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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What a fascinating script, Zachary sounds like a young man that life has tried to flatten, but is not flat enough, and the powers that be, want to flatten him more. There's a piece in the gospels where Jesus hears a plea by a man who desperately doesn't want to beg as an outcome of his life. This sounds little like that. A most imaginative post. Well done, Jay, blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Well, it takes the near-eradication of ego to beg. I mentioned to another that when I do the final edit, I'll add to the conditions that no signage at all will be allowed. Begging must be done verbally. Now the hard part. I've got to get the music worked out. By the way, do you know anyone who does musical notation? It seems that everyone I talked with plays only by ear. If that's the case ... and none of my lyricists is willing to sing his/her parts into a recording devise, then all the songs will have to be sung and recorded by me. And I'm the first to say that I have a horrible voice.
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Ask Rachelle Allen Jay
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There are plenty of musicians around, it would be better if it was someone near you Jay. My daughter is conservatorium trained. I used to read music, but I haven't read for a long time. It's a big job my friend.
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That's what I was afraid of, Roy. I appreciate your candor -- that you didn't dance all around that issue. I'll get it done, however crudely, so that the director will have an idea of what I'm after. Most colleges have music departments. Thank you so much, Roy!
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It?s a tough gig Jay, there are high schools with trained music teachers, just finding them.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's always a pleasure to read your next scenes and find out where you'll be taking us to next. I know a lot of the added descriptives are in place to help us readers in understanding the mood or thoughts. But with my little experience in scripts, it didn't take long for me to learn from directors and actors they don't want anything to take away from them setting the mood, angles or acting out the parts according to their own interpretations LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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It's always a pleasure to read your next scenes and find out where you'll be taking us to next. I know a lot of the added descriptives are in place to help us readers in understanding the mood or thoughts. But with my little experience in scripts, it didn't take long for me to learn from directors and actors they don't want anything to take away from them setting the mood, angles or acting out the parts according to their own interpretations LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Yeah, I've heard the same thing about directors. That might make for good theater, but bad written scripts. I plan on paring it down before I submit it for a reading. Ric, do you read music notation? Do you know anyone who does? I'm getting desperate. My friend, thank you for your six stars. That means so much to me.
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Fifty years ago I read music notation, but it's been so long that between vision and slow recognition it takes me forever. I know that Lorraine from the site is a sweetheart and plays piano, Lee was a musician, and there are others. I'm sure there is someone who'd be willing to step up and help. Getting someone to commit is always the hardest part. I don't communicate with Lee outside reading story here and there. But if you don't mind me throwing out a feeler or two, I'd be happy to speak with Lorraine and try to search out some others? Don't get frustrated and feel desperate. It will all get worked out!
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If you would do that, Ric -- Wow! I would be ecstatic!. Thank you, Man!
Jay
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Don't thank me yet, I haven't done anything. But I sure hope I can help. Happy New Year!
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Just caring means everything, Ric. For that I thank you.
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You are a kind and generous man who it is always a pleasure to communicate with! I thank you for the opportunity to help.
Comment from jmdg1954
I've read a couple of these scripts along the way. This one was one of the best.
Mr Kincaid was trying his best. But what he had to offer Zachary would not do. Too much pride in the tendered work and with the $10 out of pocket offer.
Nicely done.... John
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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I've read a couple of these scripts along the way. This one was one of the best.
Mr Kincaid was trying his best. But what he had to offer Zachary would not do. Too much pride in the tendered work and with the $10 out of pocket offer.
Nicely done.... John
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thank you John for weighing in. I agree this is the best one for the sheer dramatic tension. It's good, so very good, to hear it from another. Thank you for that!
Jayu
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
You have to feel sorry for poor old Zachary Patiperro. He's willing to do anything. He just wants a job... work. He wants to put food on the table. That's all. He'll bag fragile eggs in a grocery store. He'll go back in the ring, and box the likes of the Cinderella Man, James J. Braddock. But he won't beg. He'd rather starve. People had to be brave back in those days. I remember that scene from Cinderella Man, where Russell Crowe (as Jimmy Braddock) had to go back into the sportsmen's club and beg for enough money to pay the power bill and get his kids back home. It wasn't easy for him to do that... begging from the same men who took away his license to fight. Nickels and dimes! But his back was against the wall. He wanted his family back home. His wife had sent them to relatives. What will Zach do when his back is against the wall? Will he be willing to beg? How much will it take till he comes back to Mr. Kincade to tell him... "I will do it." ?
And that's another thing... not only is Zachary out there, jobless, with no prospects, but it's also winter! It's freezing cold. New York is a bleak place. But it seems the Employment Office is even bleaker. And Mr. Kincade feels guilty. Discouraged. Depressed in the Depression. He feels almost as bad as Zachary.
Nicely penned, Jay. I wonder what Zach will do. Soup kitchen? What do you do when hope is gone?
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Hi Jay,
You have to feel sorry for poor old Zachary Patiperro. He's willing to do anything. He just wants a job... work. He wants to put food on the table. That's all. He'll bag fragile eggs in a grocery store. He'll go back in the ring, and box the likes of the Cinderella Man, James J. Braddock. But he won't beg. He'd rather starve. People had to be brave back in those days. I remember that scene from Cinderella Man, where Russell Crowe (as Jimmy Braddock) had to go back into the sportsmen's club and beg for enough money to pay the power bill and get his kids back home. It wasn't easy for him to do that... begging from the same men who took away his license to fight. Nickels and dimes! But his back was against the wall. He wanted his family back home. His wife had sent them to relatives. What will Zach do when his back is against the wall? Will he be willing to beg? How much will it take till he comes back to Mr. Kincade to tell him... "I will do it." ?
And that's another thing... not only is Zachary out there, jobless, with no prospects, but it's also winter! It's freezing cold. New York is a bleak place. But it seems the Employment Office is even bleaker. And Mr. Kincade feels guilty. Discouraged. Depressed in the Depression. He feels almost as bad as Zachary.
Nicely penned, Jay. I wonder what Zach will do. Soup kitchen? What do you do when hope is gone?
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Now the hard work begins. As soon as I post the second part of the Santa Story, I will begin work on the lyrics and, I'm afraid, sing all the parts myself on Audacity. I have found that the Audacity link works well with Microsoft Word programs, so I can pop a song link where it belongs in the scene (unfortunately, without accompaniment) so that any interested troup or college director, would be able to use it as building blocks to work up an arrangement.
I'm so happy you caught the subtext to this final scene. Far too many reviewers are telling me they can't wait to see the next scene (I think meaning when Zachary comes back the following week). I clearly indicated it was the final scene.
Anyhoo, wish me luck, my friend.
Jay
Comment from Dr. Nad
This is a hauntingly realistic script that takes into account our history, but reveals our present day dilemmas. They haven't changed all that much. The script has embedded into it, intrigue, and The complexity of the human psyche. Your script flows gently with each passing line. The descriptions of both the scene, and the participants are very clearly mapped out for the reader. The writer is able to illicit empathy from the reader from the beginning of the scene. The Strategically descriptive words create word pictures that encapsulate the pain and the fervor of the time.
Thanks for sharing. Embrace The Love From Above.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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This is a hauntingly realistic script that takes into account our history, but reveals our present day dilemmas. They haven't changed all that much. The script has embedded into it, intrigue, and The complexity of the human psyche. Your script flows gently with each passing line. The descriptions of both the scene, and the participants are very clearly mapped out for the reader. The writer is able to illicit empathy from the reader from the beginning of the scene. The Strategically descriptive words create word pictures that encapsulate the pain and the fervor of the time.
Thanks for sharing. Embrace The Love From Above.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thank you, Dr. Nad. I'm thrilled you caught the play's flow as it was intended. Yes, today's socioeconomic conditions are much the same as the 30s. This is intended to be a musical, though I am having problems finding someone who knows musical notation to write down the melodies so the play can be properly presented to the Colleges and Universities for production. You don't know anyone who knows notation, do you?
Jay
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For the last year and a half to two years, I have been very inconsistent with my appearance on FanStory. It doesn't diminish my appreciation for this tribe, but I have had a number of tasks that have kept me extremely busy. You are most welcome for the review. I appreciate the joy I had reading and reviewing their work.
I am sorry but I don't know anyone at this time who would be able to help you with notation.
Comment from susand3022
OMG... after what I heard a few years ago, I just won't give people on the street's money anymore. They did a whole news report on them. I don't know if you saw it... there was this lady who always stands at the light where you turn onto the Newport bridge in Middletown. It's right next to a little mall with a Walmart that was looking for help, so one day the manager comes out and asks her if she wants a job. The lady declined. She told him she made more money on that corner in a week than he would pay her in a month... off season, and she didn't have to pay any taxes on it. She's got herself a nice house, in a good neighborhood... don't worry about her... she didn't need his lousy job.
Lady was all over the news after the Walmart manager called one of the news shows that reports wrongdoing in the state. I don't think anyone on street corners made much for a long time after that.
Beggers shouldn't brag!
I wonder if he'll come back for the job?
Susan :)
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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OMG... after what I heard a few years ago, I just won't give people on the street's money anymore. They did a whole news report on them. I don't know if you saw it... there was this lady who always stands at the light where you turn onto the Newport bridge in Middletown. It's right next to a little mall with a Walmart that was looking for help, so one day the manager comes out and asks her if she wants a job. The lady declined. She told him she made more money on that corner in a week than he would pay her in a month... off season, and she didn't have to pay any taxes on it. She's got herself a nice house, in a good neighborhood... don't worry about her... she didn't need his lousy job.
Lady was all over the news after the Walmart manager called one of the news shows that reports wrongdoing in the state. I don't think anyone on street corners made much for a long time after that.
Beggers shouldn't brag!
I wonder if he'll come back for the job?
Susan :)
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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I hope I presented Zachary as the real deal. But no, I hadn't heard that story. What an idiot she was, unless she subconsciously wanted to be exposed. Susan, thank you so much for relating with the character on such a deep level.
Comment from Begin Again
OH JAY ... How awful to tug on my heart strings that way and make me face the real world once again instead of all the Christmas Cheer. You built the emtions so high and then pulled the rug with the "beg not bag". How sad that even though Mr. Kincade might have felt moved by Zachary as he pushed against the frigid wind and disappeared... only moments later he slipped back into the man behind the desk just moving people through without a hope.
Awesome!
Happy New Year and may it be filled with joy, peace and happiness. Always, Carol
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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OH JAY ... How awful to tug on my heart strings that way and make me face the real world once again instead of all the Christmas Cheer. You built the emtions so high and then pulled the rug with the "beg not bag". How sad that even though Mr. Kincade might have felt moved by Zachary as he pushed against the frigid wind and disappeared... only moments later he slipped back into the man behind the desk just moving people through without a hope.
Awesome!
Happy New Year and may it be filled with joy, peace and happiness. Always, Carol
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thank you so much, Carol! I'm happy you enjoyed the ride with this play. I believe Zachary is my favorite all-time character -- I mean, that I created. Some one suggested it was a bit of an autobiography. I wish! I can be as lovable as Zachary, also as tiresome, but I don't have his wit or intelligence. Your 6 stars mean so much to me, Carol. Have a blessed New Year!
Jay