New York's Best: the NYDOE
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "NYCDoHD Spells Jobs "A Musical in One Act
23 total reviews
Comment from JoannaN
Hello again. When I was reading this, a thought came to my mind. As this is a theatre/musical performance, it should be of a proper length (not too short, not too long, so that the audience can keep their attention). Have you perhaps tried to read your scenes aloud, using the timer? I think it would be helpful to control the beat of action, especially given that your work includes songs inside.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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Hello again. When I was reading this, a thought came to my mind. As this is a theatre/musical performance, it should be of a proper length (not too short, not too long, so that the audience can keep their attention). Have you perhaps tried to read your scenes aloud, using the timer? I think it would be helpful to control the beat of action, especially given that your work includes songs inside.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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No I haven't done that, Joanna, and I do know that it is too long for a stage performance. If I get all the music right, I will pare it down to an acceptable length. Thank you for pointing that out, though.
Comment from Ricky1024
This chapter was well written as usual, rich in Theme design and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing and have a Blessed Thanksgiving.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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This chapter was well written as usual, rich in Theme design and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing and have a Blessed Thanksgiving.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Ricky, for reading and for your kind words. You are appreciated.
Comment from Ric Myworld
So, I'm ready to have the all the lyrics to have us singing along and shuffling our feet, hoping we are on key more than most who are singing. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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So, I'm ready to have the all the lyrics to have us singing along and shuffling our feet, hoping we are on key more than most who are singing. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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Awww, thank you, Ric. I didn't realize how exhausting it can be to ge the lyrics to fit the mood and the character. Thanks for reading, friend.
Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
Poor Mr. Kincade is probably wondering how he got saddled with Zachary Patiperro, and not Betty or Marshall. I think he'd like to dismiss him with a "Good Luck, in your search for employment!" ...and... "Be careful for falling bodies off the roof!"
But then he divulges his lost love for an Indian maiden years before. He never got over that infatuation.
Zachary takes over. Suddenly we're in Wonderland, rubbing elbows with royalty, glued to the ground with a broken nose and gash to the forehead following a boxing match where Zach was surely outmanned.
He senses that Mr. Kincade has had enough of this interview, and so he must grovel.
Indeed, you never know the extent of your qualifications until you dive into past experiences. It isn't just about degrees or diplomas. At least, it shouldn't be. Of course, it depends on the interviewer. Will he/she take time to find out what his client has to offer. We quickly learn that Zach was a lawn mower, a mower of lawns... an environmentalist! Wow! That sounds important enough.
I recall applying for a job back around 1977. I had been working for Moosehead Breweries for nearly 5 years at the time. But a Liquor Store strike caused Moosehead to lay off some people at the bottom of the union list. I had marched to the Unemployment office for pay, but they required me to apply for at least two jobs each week.
One of my applications was to NBTEL. Low and behold, they called me for an interview. And they were interested. Apparently, I wasn't as unqualified for a desk job as I thought. I had informed them on my application that I had 3 years of university in Business Administration, (but I didn't stay for graduation). I was a Cub Scout leader, a Little League Baseball coach, and Youth Choir Director at Grand Bay Baptist Church. I was young, and physically fit. I didn't smoke. I was married with a very young son. I had graduated from Saint John High School, having passed all eleven matrics, even French! And my Math marks were all in high honors in the province. Yet, I was working at a brewery. And I couldn't see myself qualified for office work in the New Brunswick Telephone Company, now known as Bell Aliant. But the woman who interviewed me liked what she saw. They called me within a week, and offered me a job. However, I was called back to work at Moosehead at the same time. I had 5 years of seniority there, and decided to stay with them rather than venture into the unknown. I've always wondered how different my life might have been if I had taken NBTEL's offer.
So Zachary is groveling now, and Mr. Kincade is still willing to listen.
Nicely penned, Jay!
Keep up the good work!
Kimbob
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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Hi Jay,
Poor Mr. Kincade is probably wondering how he got saddled with Zachary Patiperro, and not Betty or Marshall. I think he'd like to dismiss him with a "Good Luck, in your search for employment!" ...and... "Be careful for falling bodies off the roof!"
But then he divulges his lost love for an Indian maiden years before. He never got over that infatuation.
Zachary takes over. Suddenly we're in Wonderland, rubbing elbows with royalty, glued to the ground with a broken nose and gash to the forehead following a boxing match where Zach was surely outmanned.
He senses that Mr. Kincade has had enough of this interview, and so he must grovel.
Indeed, you never know the extent of your qualifications until you dive into past experiences. It isn't just about degrees or diplomas. At least, it shouldn't be. Of course, it depends on the interviewer. Will he/she take time to find out what his client has to offer. We quickly learn that Zach was a lawn mower, a mower of lawns... an environmentalist! Wow! That sounds important enough.
I recall applying for a job back around 1977. I had been working for Moosehead Breweries for nearly 5 years at the time. But a Liquor Store strike caused Moosehead to lay off some people at the bottom of the union list. I had marched to the Unemployment office for pay, but they required me to apply for at least two jobs each week.
One of my applications was to NBTEL. Low and behold, they called me for an interview. And they were interested. Apparently, I wasn't as unqualified for a desk job as I thought. I had informed them on my application that I had 3 years of university in Business Administration, (but I didn't stay for graduation). I was a Cub Scout leader, a Little League Baseball coach, and Youth Choir Director at Grand Bay Baptist Church. I was young, and physically fit. I didn't smoke. I was married with a very young son. I had graduated from Saint John High School, having passed all eleven matrics, even French! And my Math marks were all in high honors in the province. Yet, I was working at a brewery. And I couldn't see myself qualified for office work in the New Brunswick Telephone Company, now known as Bell Aliant. But the woman who interviewed me liked what she saw. They called me within a week, and offered me a job. However, I was called back to work at Moosehead at the same time. I had 5 years of seniority there, and decided to stay with them rather than venture into the unknown. I've always wondered how different my life might have been if I had taken NBTEL's offer.
So Zachary is groveling now, and Mr. Kincade is still willing to listen.
Nicely penned, Jay!
Keep up the good work!
Kimbob
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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It's always such a joy to read your reviews and how they spark your imagination and your personal memories. Sorry it took so long to respond to this. I had a sick dog and all the Thanksgiving madness to contend with. Thanks for being you.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Mr. Kincade seems to have an obscure liking for Zachary and wishes he did not. The end reveals two missing years in Zachary's life, which I'm sure has some significance to the next scene. I'm enjoying it! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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Mr. Kincade seems to have an obscure liking for Zachary and wishes he did not. The end reveals two missing years in Zachary's life, which I'm sure has some significance to the next scene. I'm enjoying it! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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Yes, John, the next scene will explore Zachary's life in much greater detail and begin to lay the groundwork for the ending. Thank you for being such a loyal follower.
Comment from Spitfire
Human Development. If I didn't mention it before, there seems to be a double meaning here. Zachary seems to be trying so hard to find common ground with Kincaide. Regrets for what one did in the past seems a big issue here (Reminds me of Alfred J. Prufrock)
"But you were an entry-level environmentalist and a mower of lawns. Mr. Patiperro," Now you're really getting into satire, Jay, at least to my way of thinking. I can definitely see a song and dance routine here.
The bit about a nose is hysterical. Take it to a community theater near you and see if you can get a round table of students to read it aloud with you as listener.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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Human Development. If I didn't mention it before, there seems to be a double meaning here. Zachary seems to be trying so hard to find common ground with Kincaide. Regrets for what one did in the past seems a big issue here (Reminds me of Alfred J. Prufrock)
"But you were an entry-level environmentalist and a mower of lawns. Mr. Patiperro," Now you're really getting into satire, Jay, at least to my way of thinking. I can definitely see a song and dance routine here.
The bit about a nose is hysterical. Take it to a community theater near you and see if you can get a round table of students to read it aloud with you as listener.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2022
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I'm glad you're enjoying the play. I really appreciate your in-depth commentary. And yes, I was really proud of the entire boxing part of the scene. Few, it appears, agree with me, though ... but that's showbiz! LOL.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I am really enjoying the relationship between Zak and Mr. Kincaid. It's as if Kincaid is seeing his younger self in the young man. Back when he was traveling with the Indians. Thinking about those lyrics. Great installment. Gretchen
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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I am really enjoying the relationship between Zak and Mr. Kincaid. It's as if Kincaid is seeing his younger self in the young man. Back when he was traveling with the Indians. Thinking about those lyrics. Great installment. Gretchen
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Gretchen! BTW, I sent you a private message on FS this morning.
Comment from judiverse
Great handling of the staging. Maybe Zachary's flights of fancy are humorous, but don't get too carried away or his verbal mannerisms will become old. It's interesting he uses phrases like mower of lawns and collector of. Great description of the fight. Zachary is right. He does have years of work in him, and Kincade should stop the dithering and send him out on a job and see what happens. Good place for a song. judi
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Great handling of the staging. Maybe Zachary's flights of fancy are humorous, but don't get too carried away or his verbal mannerisms will become old. It's interesting he uses phrases like mower of lawns and collector of. Great description of the fight. Zachary is right. He does have years of work in him, and Kincade should stop the dithering and send him out on a job and see what happens. Good place for a song. judi
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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I can't tell you how happy I am that you enjoyed the fight scene description. That was, I think, my favorite of the whole play, but you were the only one who seemed to enjoy it ... and two people somehow confused Zachary with the Duke of Edinburgh. I have no idea how that came about, but I suppose I should go back and see if it needs clarification. Again, thanks, Judi.
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You're Welcome. Zachary was certainly no Duke of Edinburgh. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. judi
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I think Mr. Kincade is very patient and I really wondered why he went off on the memories of almost working for "confederacy of Indian tribes." But I guess he was trying to put himself in Zachary's shoes, remembering how youth thinks. Still can't hear the melody for this play yet. And I somehow heard that Zachary had a bit of an accent or awkward sentence structure before but now he speaks like a native English speaker.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Well, I think Mr. Kincade is very patient and I really wondered why he went off on the memories of almost working for "confederacy of Indian tribes." But I guess he was trying to put himself in Zachary's shoes, remembering how youth thinks. Still can't hear the melody for this play yet. And I somehow heard that Zachary had a bit of an accent or awkward sentence structure before but now he speaks like a native English speaker.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Dang, Helen, I love your subtle work with the characters, like how Mr. Kincade went off on Zachary's insistence that he loved the Indian girl. (I assume that's what you meant). And, oh, my God! You picked up on Zachary's different cadence! Amazing. That was the result of the Gallery's complaint that he was taking up their time. That caused him to temper his "song" (at least as long as he could).
Wow, thanks, Helen. There is a depth here then that I was afraid wasn't being perceived.
Jay
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I'm glad I could "hear" what you were doing on paper/screen. That means you were successful! I hope Zachary's interesting accent will return!
Comment from Ulla
Mis Amigos should be mis amigos. In Spanish you wouldn't spell it with capital letters.
I simply love this, Jay, and the humour is certainly not lost on me. I was chuckling all the way through..Now, what is Mr Kinkade going to to do with this renegade? Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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Mis Amigos should be mis amigos. In Spanish you wouldn't spell it with capital letters.
I simply love this, Jay, and the humour is certainly not lost on me. I was chuckling all the way through..Now, what is Mr Kinkade going to to do with this renegade? Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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Thank you for the tip on mis amigos. I was thinking of it as you would an address to a person, like "Sir" or "Mom". But you are right. You wouldn't say "my Friends" in an English address. So thank you, Ulla. I shall go and change it right now. As usual, thank you for being here for me and for the lovely six stars!