New York's Best: the NYDOE
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "NYCDoHD Spells: Jobs"A Musical in One Act
25 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
Exceptionally written, dear Jay. This one had a great deal of self-loathing mingled with pity. Zachary is conflicted and it's either get a job or it's back to living on the streets. The solution is easy to see. "I am what I am" seems to be his escape route. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Exceptionally written, dear Jay. This one had a great deal of self-loathing mingled with pity. Zachary is conflicted and it's either get a job or it's back to living on the streets. The solution is easy to see. "I am what I am" seems to be his escape route. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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I'm so happy you got to read this today, Sally. I'm sorry you didn't get to read it when it would have buffered your bank account, but it's good to see that you got something for your two cents. Bless you!
Jay
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Always worth it. My pleasure. Blessings, Sal XOs
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Interesting. Zachary was born in Spain. He was very frustrated with his job? Is that why he felt he offended Mr. Kincade? It was in the Great Depression. You can just set it in 2020 during the current pandemic.
Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2022
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Interesting. Zachary was born in Spain. He was very frustrated with his job? Is that why he felt he offended Mr. Kincade? It was in the Great Depression. You can just set it in 2020 during the current pandemic.
Well done.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Lisa. I know what you mean about the setting in the Great Depression resembling the Pandemic. You're not the first to make that observation.
Jay
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like the Zarcasm ans gallows humor: "Like that ... Allow me a moment to finish my smile." I like Zac. he's got his values in the right place. " A short stint in each place was my victory." But that kind of a person becomes a threat
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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I like the Zarcasm ans gallows humor: "Like that ... Allow me a moment to finish my smile." I like Zac. he's got his values in the right place. " A short stint in each place was my victory." But that kind of a person becomes a threat
Comment Written 18-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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Yes, he does become a threat to anyone locked in the practical present. Thank you for reading. I could have sworn to read this scene earlier when it earned you more than 2 cents.
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I was looking for my script I sent you about sewage. It evidentally got flushed. Do you still have it?
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Sorry, Liz. I remember reading it in connection with your explanation about someone (you?) driving in NY sewage. I've searched my emails in hopes you'd have sent it that way, but I only have the 4 emails I sent you and there was no answer to any of them which might have included your lyrics. You might check your personal mail on FS to see if you included it there. Sorry.
Comment from nomi338
My lyrical submission:
We, you and I, are all the same
We are losers in a winnable game
Our future is in the hands of another
We seek the father who deserted our mother
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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My lyrical submission:
We, you and I, are all the same
We are losers in a winnable game
Our future is in the hands of another
We seek the father who deserted our mother
Comment Written 17-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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Whoa! Wait a minute, Norman! You really know how to dig into the hearbeat of a character, don't you? I've got this as a submission. I don't want to let it go. Expect a private message, Friend.
Jay
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I was advised to submit to your project. Was I mistaken or ill advised?
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Neither, my friend. And I loved it. That was why I sent you a private message yesterday.
Jay
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm embarrassed to say I don't have a six again, and this part is amazing. How do you come up with these characters? I love Zachary, he's a man lost inside, and trying to find where he belongs. But, he just doesn't know how to say it. He's been everywhere yet never felt he could stay. He needs to be in Spain. (I lived an hour away from Alicante, near Mojácar) and I can understand that. We all want to go back to our roots at some stage of our life. Unfortunately, Mr Kincade thinks he's being sarcastic and wasting his time. How will Zachary sort this out? This is very well written, my friend, and I could just picture Zachary breaking into song after he'd been looking out the window. That scene really leans towards the song. Very well done, my friend, and again, I'll definitely make sure you get a six for the next part!! Love and hugs, :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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I'm embarrassed to say I don't have a six again, and this part is amazing. How do you come up with these characters? I love Zachary, he's a man lost inside, and trying to find where he belongs. But, he just doesn't know how to say it. He's been everywhere yet never felt he could stay. He needs to be in Spain. (I lived an hour away from Alicante, near Mojácar) and I can understand that. We all want to go back to our roots at some stage of our life. Unfortunately, Mr Kincade thinks he's being sarcastic and wasting his time. How will Zachary sort this out? This is very well written, my friend, and I could just picture Zachary breaking into song after he'd been looking out the window. That scene really leans towards the song. Very well done, my friend, and again, I'll definitely make sure you get a six for the next part!! Love and hugs, :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 17-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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First of all, don't you ever worry about a six. It means less to me than you know, especially when I get such a glowing endorsement from you. Bless you, Sandra. Are you aware that Alicante is about 30 minutes away from where Ulla lives? Again ... thanks more than you'll ever know!
Jay
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Yes, in fact my cousin lives near Ulla, in Denia. Next time I visit, I'll be looking Ulla up.
I'm looking forward to reading your next chapter, Jay. This is really good. I enjoy musicals, and they don't make enough of them. Get this out there!! xxx
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
It's still a bit early (for me, anyway) to begin writing lyrics, let alone allowing musical notes to carry them. In fact, I'm going back to the first scene and re-reading later today. I've got to get the real gist of this "ballad".
So far, I'm feeling that this is a satire. It appears to me that Zachary is an ideologist. I mean, who goes into an office for an interview and talks about a greased pig? Zachary borders on "very intelligent", but "quite insane" as well. Obviously so. And Mr. Kincade is trying hard to nail him down. Impossible! Kincade should be frustrated. (What am I saying? ... he IS frustrated!) One might think he should toss Zach out on the street, with "You're wasting my time!" echoing in his ear. But he doesn't. He's attempting to understand this clown.
I see Zachary as a Depression-era Don Quixote, idealistic knight errant searching for answers where there are none. It's a crazy world. People are jumping out of windows.
Mr. Kincade is becoming Zachary's squire. He sees something valuable in this lad. He's Sancho Panza to Zachary's Don Quixote. Why, Zach even has the love of his life, Mayree, to protect. "And in eleven days I shall be looking for cardboard again to cover Mayree and me during the unforgiving darkness." She is Zachary's Dulcinea del Toboso. He is compelled to get a job, as hopeless as it may seem, in order to get rid of that cardboard and establish himself in an appropriate apartment. A gigantic task! His windmill. Yet Zachary sees himself as a chivalrous knight, not a poor and destitute urchin in a pea coat and stocking cap.
I thought this might be the start of a song,
"Fool! ... Fool! ... Fool!
Now you've done it!
You've tested Mr. Kincade's endurance!
With your ev-e-ry word, you've led him to conclude
That you're a jester, a joker, a clown ... a buffoon!"
...from Oliver Twist, "Food, glorious food!"
https://youtu.be/ly7PONiKGUs
I'm sure the gallery agrees with him!
An excellent piece of writing here, Jay (as usual). I've learned to expect nothing less from you.
Keep up the good work!
Kimbob
p.s. I have been tardy in writing and reviewing lately. My very good friend from Moosehead, Sammy Doyle, had a heart attack the Tuesday before Halloween... quadruple bypass, valve repair and pacemaker. He's still in hospital, but might be released before the weekend. I call him "Clark", for Clark Kent (Superman), and he calls me "Forrest", as in Forrest Gump (runner extraordinaire). We're good buddies, and share an interest in becoming rich through the local lottery and betting on NFL games. But this whole thing has left me unable to browse Fanstory. I've pressed myself to read your scene 3 as well as I can. KB
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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Hi Jay,
It's still a bit early (for me, anyway) to begin writing lyrics, let alone allowing musical notes to carry them. In fact, I'm going back to the first scene and re-reading later today. I've got to get the real gist of this "ballad".
So far, I'm feeling that this is a satire. It appears to me that Zachary is an ideologist. I mean, who goes into an office for an interview and talks about a greased pig? Zachary borders on "very intelligent", but "quite insane" as well. Obviously so. And Mr. Kincade is trying hard to nail him down. Impossible! Kincade should be frustrated. (What am I saying? ... he IS frustrated!) One might think he should toss Zach out on the street, with "You're wasting my time!" echoing in his ear. But he doesn't. He's attempting to understand this clown.
I see Zachary as a Depression-era Don Quixote, idealistic knight errant searching for answers where there are none. It's a crazy world. People are jumping out of windows.
Mr. Kincade is becoming Zachary's squire. He sees something valuable in this lad. He's Sancho Panza to Zachary's Don Quixote. Why, Zach even has the love of his life, Mayree, to protect. "And in eleven days I shall be looking for cardboard again to cover Mayree and me during the unforgiving darkness." She is Zachary's Dulcinea del Toboso. He is compelled to get a job, as hopeless as it may seem, in order to get rid of that cardboard and establish himself in an appropriate apartment. A gigantic task! His windmill. Yet Zachary sees himself as a chivalrous knight, not a poor and destitute urchin in a pea coat and stocking cap.
I thought this might be the start of a song,
"Fool! ... Fool! ... Fool!
Now you've done it!
You've tested Mr. Kincade's endurance!
With your ev-e-ry word, you've led him to conclude
That you're a jester, a joker, a clown ... a buffoon!"
...from Oliver Twist, "Food, glorious food!"
https://youtu.be/ly7PONiKGUs
I'm sure the gallery agrees with him!
An excellent piece of writing here, Jay (as usual). I've learned to expect nothing less from you.
Keep up the good work!
Kimbob
p.s. I have been tardy in writing and reviewing lately. My very good friend from Moosehead, Sammy Doyle, had a heart attack the Tuesday before Halloween... quadruple bypass, valve repair and pacemaker. He's still in hospital, but might be released before the weekend. I call him "Clark", for Clark Kent (Superman), and he calls me "Forrest", as in Forrest Gump (runner extraordinaire). We're good buddies, and share an interest in becoming rich through the local lottery and betting on NFL games. But this whole thing has left me unable to browse Fanstory. I've pressed myself to read your scene 3 as well as I can. KB
Comment Written 17-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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Your "well as I can" is exemplary, Kimbob, and you know that. You might guess, I am a huge fan of Don Quixote. My dream is to read it in the original Spanish, but that's years away. Thank you for your ALWAYS PERTINENT exegesis of the scene. Please check your email for some parts I cut from scene 3 which I'm sending out as a way of looking at Zachary in a slightly different manner. Thank you for your Oliver Twist link. I'm looking forward to watching it. Gotta go, friend, but I think you know how much your reviews mean to me.
Jay
Comment from pome lover
ah! here is the space. My membership (which I thought I had renewed, hadn't been, and that's why I was unable to respond), so ... this is great, as I've said. And it is so much fun to write lyrics for it.
I love your two main characters - their very original and rather weird "back and forths" define their personalities, which are wonderful. Mr. Kincade's wryness and Zachary's imaginative "talkitis" - both are a hoot! Love it. Congrats on being recognized!
Katharine - added below:
up at the top - Kincade (steeped in sarcasm) I believe is correct
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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ah! here is the space. My membership (which I thought I had renewed, hadn't been, and that's why I was unable to respond), so ... this is great, as I've said. And it is so much fun to write lyrics for it.
I love your two main characters - their very original and rather weird "back and forths" define their personalities, which are wonderful. Mr. Kincade's wryness and Zachary's imaginative "talkitis" - both are a hoot! Love it. Congrats on being recognized!
Katharine - added below:
up at the top - Kincade (steeped in sarcasm) I believe is correct
Comment Written 16-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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I'm glad you finally got to it, and before it would have been a 2-penny read. So, Tom really means business when it's up for renewal. I'm glad you're liking what is developing. The next chapter will be a "reaveal" for Mr. Kincade.
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yep. I am.
and looking forward to it!
when can I send my Gallery song? :)
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WHatcha waiting for? I'll be anxious to read it. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you!
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ok. will do.
Comment from Ric Myworld
With the characters that you create, I'm guessing that you are quite the character yourself as it seems to me. LOL. Thanks for sharing. Sorry I don't have a very deserved six!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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With the characters that you create, I'm guessing that you are quite the character yourself as it seems to me. LOL. Thanks for sharing. Sorry I don't have a very deserved six!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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No, if anything Zachary is my alter-ego. I wish I had a little bit of his buoyancy in my personality. Wait until next scene, though, for Mr. Kincade's big reveal! Thanks for your kind words. Never worry about a six.
Jay
Comment from lyenochka
I think Zachary would try the patience of anyone. He doesn't directly answer any questions and he doesn't stick with the relevant job experiences that one would expect from someone seeking a job.
I find it hard to imagine what we are supposed to think of this character. He does seem familiar. I think you wrote of him and his traveling father before. It's hard to know what kind of song he would be singing.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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I think Zachary would try the patience of anyone. He doesn't directly answer any questions and he doesn't stick with the relevant job experiences that one would expect from someone seeking a job.
I find it hard to imagine what we are supposed to think of this character. He does seem familiar. I think you wrote of him and his traveling father before. It's hard to know what kind of song he would be singing.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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I believe the next act will bring more of Zachary's character in the open and certainly Mr. Kincade will have a reveal (If he (Kincade) had continued along his role, he would be appearing more two-dimensional as the play progressed. Yes I introduced these characters before.
Jay
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I like Zachary very much, seeing him as a young man with no stability, looking for direction. He has nothing in his core that is motivating him towards a specific domain of work, and yet work he must. So he believes if he bares his soul, someone will take the burden of decision for him and he will just go with the flow. I also like the situation, the start of the depression, where the collapse of stability and gainful employment leads to death. Death by insufficiency be that of material goods or moral fibre. I like that because I see echos of it beginning to chime around us today. For the rest, I reserve judgement until we progress a bit. Kate xx
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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I like Zachary very much, seeing him as a young man with no stability, looking for direction. He has nothing in his core that is motivating him towards a specific domain of work, and yet work he must. So he believes if he bares his soul, someone will take the burden of decision for him and he will just go with the flow. I also like the situation, the start of the depression, where the collapse of stability and gainful employment leads to death. Death by insufficiency be that of material goods or moral fibre. I like that because I see echos of it beginning to chime around us today. For the rest, I reserve judgement until we progress a bit. Kate xx
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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You zeroed in on character and setting to a tee. Thank you for that exegesis. I agree this play has evolved to be a very timely commentary. From what you've explained elsewhere, England is closer to it today, but the US is not far behind. Thank you for your intelligent depth-digging, Kate.