Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 19 A"Can a broken heart be mended?
24 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Expensive jewelry can be a little worrisome to have around. Good thing there is a safe to put it in. Sounds like Alexandra came from a wealthy family who lives in an out of the ordinary house.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2022
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Expensive jewelry can be a little worrisome to have around. Good thing there is a safe to put it in. Sounds like Alexandra came from a wealthy family who lives in an out of the ordinary house.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2022
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Yes, Ali has money. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sanku
Since I missed your previous chapters ,I read that first and then this .Alan's explanation of sex and love making is conveniently"practical' I liked the way Cord sent him off
Alexandra comes from a conservative family and her parents are protective about her. It is nice o read about restraint in these days of emotional splurge ..
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Since I missed your previous chapters ,I read that first and then this .Alan's explanation of sex and love making is conveniently"practical' I liked the way Cord sent him off
Alexandra comes from a conservative family and her parents are protective about her. It is nice o read about restraint in these days of emotional splurge ..
Comment Written 22-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement. I've taken a few hits for being conservative with my characters.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Now you have me worried that she may no longer be at her parents' house or may not be alone on the patio. Alan seems an evil person. This is an interesting chapter; one that shares more of Ali and Cord's fine character.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Now you have me worried that she may no longer be at her parents' house or may not be alone on the patio. Alan seems an evil person. This is an interesting chapter; one that shares more of Ali and Cord's fine character.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Hadn't thought of that. Hmmm, interesting. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from amahra
Ali and Cord are really great characters. I know you like to take your time with your characters' getting romantically closer, but I would sure like to see a bit more parts flying between these two. :)) Great chapter.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Ali and Cord are really great characters. I know you like to take your time with your characters' getting romantically closer, but I would sure like to see a bit more parts flying between these two. :)) Great chapter.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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I like to fully develop relationships. LOL I don't by into the lust, but unconditional love. That doesn't happen overnight. Thank you for the kind review.
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LOL I meant to say sparks flying not parts.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Cord does seem to talk direct to people. No beating around the bush with what he says.
Brent still treats Ali like a little girl unable to take care of herself.
Seems perhaps Ali needs some breathing space without Cord constantly under foot.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Cord does seem to talk direct to people. No beating around the bush with what he says.
Brent still treats Ali like a little girl unable to take care of herself.
Seems perhaps Ali needs some breathing space without Cord constantly under foot.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Large part of Ali's problems is because she was protected her entire life. Let's see what happens. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from lancellot
While your writing is very good, as is your editing skills. I have to ask. This is a romance story, where the two MCs love each and have known it for several chapters now. This is a nice chapter, but what's the point? How does any of this advance the story or plot? (if there still is one) They could've married chapters ago. There really isn't any barriers or conflicts preventing them, and no Alan doesn't count.
Notes:
He grabbed his gun and checked the door viewer before he opened it.
- Gun? Even flying private, he wouldn't have gotten that through. And definitely not in NYC. (FAA rules apply to private and commercial flights) Ali would have warned him, he could go to prison for having that. (she is a lawyer who loves him)
"To protect her purity of mind, body, and soul." Cordero poured coffee into his cup and took a sip. "I promise to assist you with that."
- Then why or how is Brent allowing Alan to do all he has, and does? If Alan is an abuser and dangerous, unwanted by Ali, and everyone knows, he could've snatched her body, purity or life before.
No need to answer any of the above. I know you disagree. Just things to think about before publishing.
PS: I would consider changing Ali from a corporate lawyer to something on the criminal side. All her exploits do not match corporate.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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While your writing is very good, as is your editing skills. I have to ask. This is a romance story, where the two MCs love each and have known it for several chapters now. This is a nice chapter, but what's the point? How does any of this advance the story or plot? (if there still is one) They could've married chapters ago. There really isn't any barriers or conflicts preventing them, and no Alan doesn't count.
Notes:
He grabbed his gun and checked the door viewer before he opened it.
- Gun? Even flying private, he wouldn't have gotten that through. And definitely not in NYC. (FAA rules apply to private and commercial flights) Ali would have warned him, he could go to prison for having that. (she is a lawyer who loves him)
"To protect her purity of mind, body, and soul." Cordero poured coffee into his cup and took a sip. "I promise to assist you with that."
- Then why or how is Brent allowing Alan to do all he has, and does? If Alan is an abuser and dangerous, unwanted by Ali, and everyone knows, he could've snatched her body, purity or life before.
No need to answer any of the above. I know you disagree. Just things to think about before publishing.
PS: I would consider changing Ali from a corporate lawyer to something on the criminal side. All her exploits do not match corporate.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
I hate Evil Eddie. He has been messing with me big time lately. You moved the story along nicely with short vignettes that showed the character of the people involved. A nice interaction between Cord and the father.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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I hate Evil Eddie. He has been messing with me big time lately. You moved the story along nicely with short vignettes that showed the character of the people involved. A nice interaction between Cord and the father.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Man, you make it hard for a reviewer to earn his bread and butter. Not only is the read long but it is almost devoid of anything writable. At least you give us the cancellation of keeping it intriguing.
CHAPTER 19A
P14, s1: SUGGEST adding (too) or (as well) after (you) The sentence seems unfinished.
P24, s1: Suggest changing (and my) to (and my's) or (blessing) to (blessing's)
P26, s1: SUGGEST Inserting (that) before (brunch)
AFTER First *****
P10, s1: Add a comma after (are)
P10, s1: Add a comma after (dad)
After Fifth *****
P7, s1: Remove (a) before (ballet) "a" implies an individual dance with a partner, "Ballet" indicates a performance by a Troup of performers.
Character List:
Cordero Ortiz: (parents) should be (parents') Parents' = something that belongs to both parents, to a mother and a father. The plural possessive form of parents is - parents'. Parents mean more than one parent.
I didn't review the rest of the character list because I have before, and I believe you said it would not appear in your book anyway so ... There are several considerations included in that list though.
Things are progressing I see. I still think Ali has as much an attraction to Cord as Cord does to her. We will see.
Good engrossing read.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Man, you make it hard for a reviewer to earn his bread and butter. Not only is the read long but it is almost devoid of anything writable. At least you give us the cancellation of keeping it intriguing.
CHAPTER 19A
P14, s1: SUGGEST adding (too) or (as well) after (you) The sentence seems unfinished.
P24, s1: Suggest changing (and my) to (and my's) or (blessing) to (blessing's)
P26, s1: SUGGEST Inserting (that) before (brunch)
AFTER First *****
P10, s1: Add a comma after (are)
P10, s1: Add a comma after (dad)
After Fifth *****
P7, s1: Remove (a) before (ballet) "a" implies an individual dance with a partner, "Ballet" indicates a performance by a Troup of performers.
Character List:
Cordero Ortiz: (parents) should be (parents') Parents' = something that belongs to both parents, to a mother and a father. The plural possessive form of parents is - parents'. Parents mean more than one parent.
I didn't review the rest of the character list because I have before, and I believe you said it would not appear in your book anyway so ... There are several considerations included in that list though.
Things are progressing I see. I still think Ali has as much an attraction to Cord as Cord does to her. We will see.
Good engrossing read.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the assistance. I always appreciate the help. I don't worry about the character list. It's just there.
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you show us that Ali's parents are so caring. Her father is overprotective and her mother wants to make sure Ali has more time with Cord. I hope Ali can see the love behind it all. Cord certainly is making a great impression!
Minor suggestions:
is to make sure, I didn't (no comma here as the following clause is the direct object of "didn't")
You have: That's the last place I'd have looked." He filled
How about: That's the last place I'd have looked," he said, filling
The reason is that it's natural to talk while doing actions. The first way, makes it feel more sequential.
I admit I have strong feeling for her (feelings)
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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I like how you show us that Ali's parents are so caring. Her father is overprotective and her mother wants to make sure Ali has more time with Cord. I hope Ali can see the love behind it all. Cord certainly is making a great impression!
Minor suggestions:
is to make sure, I didn't (no comma here as the following clause is the direct object of "didn't")
You have: That's the last place I'd have looked." He filled
How about: That's the last place I'd have looked," he said, filling
The reason is that it's natural to talk while doing actions. The first way, makes it feel more sequential.
I admit I have strong feeling for her (feelings)
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the help. I have made the corrections.
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I'm enjoying reading how you are developing the relationships!
Comment from John Ciarmello
A great chapter, Barbara! I'm sure Cord is going to decide to stay for another day. The extra day leads me to believe something is brewing. I'm looking forward to the following chapter. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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A great chapter, Barbara! I'm sure Cord is going to decide to stay for another day. The extra day leads me to believe something is brewing. I'm looking forward to the following chapter. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the kind review. We'll see.