The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 19"America's First Female Comic
26 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Looking forward to reading the next two parts of the epilogue. This is tying the loose ends up nicely. What wonderful characters you have created! I shall miss them.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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Looking forward to reading the next two parts of the epilogue. This is tying the loose ends up nicely. What wonderful characters you have created! I shall miss them.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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Do you know what your review did for me? It was the one review I lacked for ATB!. And since I am the only one who writes plays ... at least that make ATB, this one will be number one for September. I am virtually dancing around the clutter in my writing room! Woo-wee!
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Great! I noticed you were on 25 Glad to have been able to get you over the line.
Don't spend it all at once!
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Haha! It always finds its way to promote my latest project. Which brings up the question: When are you going to continue with your story here?
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I'm currently working on a rewrite of The Ponyfish, and this is taking all my available time. I have shelved The Orphan's Tale but hope to return to it when I've finished restructuring the earlier work. This is proving to be a more significant challenge than I anticipated. The plot needs tightening, Ant's character needs strengthening, and his aim needs to be more clearly defined. I have some ideas if you are interested, but nothing to post.
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Background ideas I'm always interested in. My skills in tightening up, deep-revision, at the like, are abysmal. I'll drop you a PM with my email address ... unless you can lay it out in PMs. (Heh-heh ... PMS!)
Comment from Spitfire
I've been out all day shopping with Jonathan and just now checked FS. I read your apology first and had to backtrack to #19. Of course, I'll do you a favor, dear friend. I perused this piece which was enough to make me wish I had followed the story, but it seemed too lengthy for me. BTW, I love writing plays and it is my forte. Yet, I'm not keen on reading them. Go figure?
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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I've been out all day shopping with Jonathan and just now checked FS. I read your apology first and had to backtrack to #19. Of course, I'll do you a favor, dear friend. I perused this piece which was enough to make me wish I had followed the story, but it seemed too lengthy for me. BTW, I love writing plays and it is my forte. Yet, I'm not keen on reading them. Go figure?
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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As plays go, it was lengthy, but the dozen or so who stayed aboard tell me it was worth the journey. Shari, I do thank you for going the extra mile and reading this. The last two have been penned and will be placed two weeks apart ... which I need to earn the coinage to promote them. Meanwhile, bless you and your young stud! LOL.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Jay,
In the light of 'SUMMARY OF THE CLOSING SCENE,' The PART I OF THE EPILOGUE is, UNDOUBTEDLY, worth reading/enjoying!
It has impressive plus PERFECTLY matching the theme phraseology, and CAPTIVATING flow throughout from the very beginning up to the end.
Dialogues of Maples and Reporter encompassing Miss Fanny and Jupiter are VERY interesting.
LIVE description of scenes, situations, and Setting!
Flawless, and PERFECT in all respects!!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Hello Jay,
In the light of 'SUMMARY OF THE CLOSING SCENE,' The PART I OF THE EPILOGUE is, UNDOUBTEDLY, worth reading/enjoying!
It has impressive plus PERFECTLY matching the theme phraseology, and CAPTIVATING flow throughout from the very beginning up to the end.
Dialogues of Maples and Reporter encompassing Miss Fanny and Jupiter are VERY interesting.
LIVE description of scenes, situations, and Setting!
Flawless, and PERFECT in all respects!!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Very kind of you, RP. I appreciate your kindness, and though not necessary, your 6 stars. I do hope you keep an eye open for the two succeeding scenes, then next one coming not Saturday, but the one following. (I need to wait to earn enough "funny money" to promote this high enough that it gets read.) Again, thank you my friend. Your loyalty means a lot to me.
Jay
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Hello Jay,
It's very nice of you.
Wishing you best of luck,
~ RP
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
It's easy to see that this is a fascinating and well-constructed story; unfortunately, it seems I've picked it up very close to its ending. The Summary of Closing Scene was helpful, but it is obviously much more involved, and I haven't read the earlier chapters.
Here are some suggestions for minor improvements:
She poo-poos his concern ...
-->
She pooh-poohs his concern ...
[I believe "poo-poo" means something else entirely]
a wider-than-usual, silver-lidded mahogany coffin ...
-->
a wider-than-usual, silver-topped mahogany coffin ...
Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz" the gun that Miss Juniper used ...
-->
Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz"--the gun that Miss Juniper used ...
It needed to stay with the currency. and ...
-->
It needed to stay with the currency, and ...
I enjoyed the small piece of this story that I read here, and I'm sure that if I had, I would understand this piece much better!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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It's easy to see that this is a fascinating and well-constructed story; unfortunately, it seems I've picked it up very close to its ending. The Summary of Closing Scene was helpful, but it is obviously much more involved, and I haven't read the earlier chapters.
Here are some suggestions for minor improvements:
She poo-poos his concern ...
-->
She pooh-poohs his concern ...
[I believe "poo-poo" means something else entirely]
a wider-than-usual, silver-lidded mahogany coffin ...
-->
a wider-than-usual, silver-topped mahogany coffin ...
Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz" the gun that Miss Juniper used ...
-->
Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz"--the gun that Miss Juniper used ...
It needed to stay with the currency. and ...
-->
It needed to stay with the currency, and ...
I enjoyed the small piece of this story that I read here, and I'm sure that if I had, I would understand this piece much better!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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As hard as it is to get people to read plays, I am thrilled you stopped by to take a chance with this one. I'm really struggling to get this to the needed 26 reviews for ATB and the monthly placement. So your review made me shout for joy! And I am the one to gain! Thank you for your suggestions: I'll take a look at those right away. Again, bless you!
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I love your response to my review, which is among the best I've ever received! It's great that you appreciate my suggestions, and I hope they will be helpful. I also hope you will receive your 26 reviews! May God bless you always. - Mary Kay
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Well, it looks like I'll be 2 short, Mary Kay. Plays are so hard to get people into.
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I'm so sorry, dear Jay, that you came up a little short. Maybe you'll get there next time? I'm not always on FS, as I have other important responsibilities right now, but I'll try to give you a review, when I can.
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No, don't worry about it, Mary Kay. I was just glad to have you weighing in.
Jay
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:-)
Comment from judiverse
I can understand why you're reluctant to let Fanny go. She's certainly done all right by you. However, this seems more like a sequel. If this were to be staged, I'd leave it go with Fanny's death. I'm writing as someone who's seen a lot of plays and been in several. I don't think I've seen an epilogue in three scenes. You do bring in some interesting information about Fanny's will and the amount of money she left. Paying for Flourney's marker was intriguing, and the next scenes will surely reveal what was on it. From the information in this scene, Fanny really wanted her story to be told in full. Excellent presentation of the setting and the use of passers-by. You could probably develop this into a whole other play. judi
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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I can understand why you're reluctant to let Fanny go. She's certainly done all right by you. However, this seems more like a sequel. If this were to be staged, I'd leave it go with Fanny's death. I'm writing as someone who's seen a lot of plays and been in several. I don't think I've seen an epilogue in three scenes. You do bring in some interesting information about Fanny's will and the amount of money she left. Paying for Flourney's marker was intriguing, and the next scenes will surely reveal what was on it. From the information in this scene, Fanny really wanted her story to be told in full. Excellent presentation of the setting and the use of passers-by. You could probably develop this into a whole other play. judi
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Fully agree. I have long ago given up all interest in seeing this acted out. If this were a novel, the epilogue would have been fine. I realize a play format wouldn't include one. The fact is, the story isn't complete, though, without the next two scenes (of the epilogue). But everything you say is true. Thanks for the review, Judi. I'm having a heck of a time getting the 26 I need for ATB and the monthly ranking.
Jay
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If this had been a novel, you wouldn't even have to call it an epilogue. If it were staged, I think the audience would see Fanny's death as the conclusion. When you introduce lots of new information at the end, it's a problem. In many of the books and shows I've watched, it seems like there are always unanswered questions. judi
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I hope you'll catch the last two "scenes", not that they will change your mind, but I think you'll find them a more complete ending.
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Of course, I'll read the last two scenes. It's best not to cram in too much new information at the end. Not everything gets resolved in a lot of the TV shows I watch. judi
Comment from judiverse
I can understand why you're reluctant to let Fanny go. She's certainly done all right by you. However, this seems more like a sequel. If this were to be staged, I'd leave it go with Fanny's death. I'm writing as someone who's seen a lot of plays and been in several. I don't think I've seen an epilogue in three scenes. You do bring in some interesting information about Fanny's will and the amount of money she left. Paying for Flourney's marker was intriguing, and the next scenes will surely reveal what was on it. From the information in this scene, Fanny really wanted her story to be told in full. Excellent presentation of the setting and the use of passers-by. You could probably develop this into a whole other play. judi
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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I can understand why you're reluctant to let Fanny go. She's certainly done all right by you. However, this seems more like a sequel. If this were to be staged, I'd leave it go with Fanny's death. I'm writing as someone who's seen a lot of plays and been in several. I don't think I've seen an epilogue in three scenes. You do bring in some interesting information about Fanny's will and the amount of money she left. Paying for Flourney's marker was intriguing, and the next scenes will surely reveal what was on it. From the information in this scene, Fanny really wanted her story to be told in full. Excellent presentation of the setting and the use of passers-by. You could probably develop this into a whole other play. judi
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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This is a duplicate review. I wonder if it gave me two counts toward the 26?
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It will indeed count as two reviews. I've had someone do that and got credit for both. I don't know how that happened.
judi
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
A major achievement. A fantastic follow-up to Fanny's passing. Great discussion and description of the scenes. I felt like I was in a theater rather than in my office reading it on a screen.
CHARACTERS:
Thomas Maples: (first person) should be (first-person) hyphen
2nd REPORTER, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (front) and (and)
11th MAPLES, 3rd Paragraph: (brand new) should be (brand-new) hyphen
Job well done.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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A major achievement. A fantastic follow-up to Fanny's passing. Great discussion and description of the scenes. I felt like I was in a theater rather than in my office reading it on a screen.
CHARACTERS:
Thomas Maples: (first person) should be (first-person) hyphen
2nd REPORTER, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (front) and (and)
11th MAPLES, 3rd Paragraph: (brand new) should be (brand-new) hyphen
Job well done.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Gahl-lee, Gary, thank you for your continued support. I hope you'll like where this is taking you. You are too kind ... and so observant.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
So true the news does not report all the facts, only those that sell the most copies.
Rattlesnake eyes about to strike, paints a solid picture.
Todd was fortunate to get off with a warning after shooting himself.
What tangled webs get woven including Fanny paying for the burial of the murder victim.
The next part should be even more interesting than this revelation was.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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So true the news does not report all the facts, only those that sell the most copies.
Rattlesnake eyes about to strike, paints a solid picture.
Todd was fortunate to get off with a warning after shooting himself.
What tangled webs get woven including Fanny paying for the burial of the murder victim.
The next part should be even more interesting than this revelation was.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much, Brett, for taking a chance on this play, especially so late in it. Your kind words are appreciated.
JS
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
You know, I was just thinking about the play... the bulk of it with just the reporter and Miss Fanny, with the odd appearance of Juniper's ghost or Herbie warning about the train. The stage is set, and there's an audience in a grand old theater listening intently to every word of the conversation. Little do they know that they will be present at Fanny's and Juniper's funeral! Of course, this audience (for now) is your reviewers. Me, for one. What a privilege! What a great idea to extend the play, and capture a few extra titbits... for example, that Juniper arranged to pay for Thurston Flourney's funeral expenses. Imagine that! It will be interesting to see what Miss Fanny put on his small marker. I'm thinking of a typical marker in Tombstone's Boot Hill...
Here lies
Thurston Flourney
The bastard's dead
If He died before
We'd all be ahead
***************************************
So the funeral... we trickle back in, a few at a time, quiet as mice after milling about in the lobby with glasses of wine during the interlude. Those who got here early might have noticed Pastor Rabbins whispering something to Tom Maples, "Thomas ... I'm not happy. We'll talk."
(I wonder what that's all about? Could it be that Fanny and Juniper are to be buried in the same grave? Or does their gravestone offer something inappropriate in his eyes?)
We'll find out in Part 2 of the epilogue, I'm sure.
Skipping ahead to the end of the funeral, I hear the Brady Baptist choir singing the closing old hymn...
https://youtu.be/329t5D3ZTaw
Nicely penned, Jay! The only tiny issue might be an unnecessary word and a couple of missing commas...
"REPORTER:
There was another one, I think like the one you received. Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz" the gun that Miss Juniper used to kill Thurston Flourney with. After the cost of the gun was deducted it left a balance ... of ..."
(I suggest,
REPORTER:
There was another one, I think like the one you received. Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz", the gun that Miss Juniper used to kill Thurston Flourney. After the cost of the gun was deducted, it left a balance ... of ... )
Of course, you know I love the way you ended the scene where Fanny takes her last breath, " Juniper, dressed in a white gown ascends the steps, stoops to her knees before Fanny, and puts her head in Fanny's lap." I love the presence of Juniper's ghost, shown sporadically in the background during Miss Fanny's final storytelling.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Hi Jay,
You know, I was just thinking about the play... the bulk of it with just the reporter and Miss Fanny, with the odd appearance of Juniper's ghost or Herbie warning about the train. The stage is set, and there's an audience in a grand old theater listening intently to every word of the conversation. Little do they know that they will be present at Fanny's and Juniper's funeral! Of course, this audience (for now) is your reviewers. Me, for one. What a privilege! What a great idea to extend the play, and capture a few extra titbits... for example, that Juniper arranged to pay for Thurston Flourney's funeral expenses. Imagine that! It will be interesting to see what Miss Fanny put on his small marker. I'm thinking of a typical marker in Tombstone's Boot Hill...
Here lies
Thurston Flourney
The bastard's dead
If He died before
We'd all be ahead
***************************************
So the funeral... we trickle back in, a few at a time, quiet as mice after milling about in the lobby with glasses of wine during the interlude. Those who got here early might have noticed Pastor Rabbins whispering something to Tom Maples, "Thomas ... I'm not happy. We'll talk."
(I wonder what that's all about? Could it be that Fanny and Juniper are to be buried in the same grave? Or does their gravestone offer something inappropriate in his eyes?)
We'll find out in Part 2 of the epilogue, I'm sure.
Skipping ahead to the end of the funeral, I hear the Brady Baptist choir singing the closing old hymn...
https://youtu.be/329t5D3ZTaw
Nicely penned, Jay! The only tiny issue might be an unnecessary word and a couple of missing commas...
"REPORTER:
There was another one, I think like the one you received. Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz" the gun that Miss Juniper used to kill Thurston Flourney with. After the cost of the gun was deducted it left a balance ... of ..."
(I suggest,
REPORTER:
There was another one, I think like the one you received. Only it ended with the purchase of "Li'l Liz", the gun that Miss Juniper used to kill Thurston Flourney. After the cost of the gun was deducted, it left a balance ... of ... )
Of course, you know I love the way you ended the scene where Fanny takes her last breath, " Juniper, dressed in a white gown ascends the steps, stoops to her knees before Fanny, and puts her head in Fanny's lap." I love the presence of Juniper's ghost, shown sporadically in the background during Miss Fanny's final storytelling.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Kimbob, without a doubt, you get more enjoyment out of reading this play than anyone on Fanstory. And that makes it all worthwhile to me. I think you'll like the ending. I'm counting on it. LOL, you are such a loyal follower, my friend.
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It's like a movie I've been watching, Jay! Love it!
Comment from amahra
Excellent, Jay. These three epilogues will wrap up this play nicely.
I'm sure Fanny knew you would. [I love this ending. It keeps Fanny's personality alive.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Excellent, Jay. These three epilogues will wrap up this play nicely.
I'm sure Fanny knew you would. [I love this ending. It keeps Fanny's personality alive.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Many thanks, Amahra. I do hope the epilogue will bring it to a fine conclusion. If not ... oh well! Your six stars make me smile! Bless you. BTW, its good to see your face at last.
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You're welcome, Jay. My son came all the way from Georgia to take me out this Labor Day weekend. My other son drove from Virginia. We took lots of pictures.
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I was wondering if that was your son, but it's dangerous territory to mention it and get the response, "That's my husband!"